Pop Culture Princess

Pop Culture Princess
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

What hath Kid Nation brought down upon us?



CBS' upcoming reality show,Kid Nation,has already gotten folks buzzing about it and it's not even on the air yet. Seems that the production company might've made a couple of little mistakes,like having their young charges "work" fourteen hour days(oh,those silly child labor laws!)and some of the children had an accident or two(grease fires can give some nasty burns and drinking bleach,well that could happen to anybody!).

Also, it appears that some of the parents who signed off on their offspring for this little jaunt thought it was going to be like "summer camp". Yeah,because being dumped in an abandoned ghost town out in the desert is just like summer camp...if you live near Thunderdome and don't need another hero!



Despite all flak,you just know that this show will be put on and probaly get some decent ratings due to all media hoopla. So,let's see what other kind of kidxploitation programming we could see in the near future,if Kid Nation becomes the next Survivior:

VICTORIAN WORKHOUSE PARTY

Want your spoiled brats to truly appreciate what you've given or have a few foster kids who need a place to crash? Then pack them off to England to experience an old school boot camp of Dickensian proportions. See how modern children measure up to the challenges of starvation,filthy living conditions and possibly being crushed to death by dangerous machinery! Instead of money,your child could win some more realistic prizes,like clean clothes or a rat free corner of the room to sleep in! Bonus points are awarded to those who pick up a few dance moves along the way:



CANDYHOUSE OF HORRORS

Kids like candy,right? They also like being scared out of their wits and what better way to do that than sending a lucky group of youngsters thru a candy warehouse to gather up all the goodies they can,but not so fast! It won't be so easy,with a number of deathtraps and literal dead ends that the sugar craving kiddies must go thru to win the ultimate prize of a lifetime supply of chocolate and therapy sessions. Designed by the creators of the Saw films and sponsored by Nickelodeon,this show should give a new meaning to the word "bittersweet":



JUNIOR MAFIA

For every child who grows up to be President,there's always two or three kids who wind up planning to rob a department store right after a big President's Day sale. If your son's future plans involve iron bars and inviting his parole officer to Thanksgiving dinner,why not start him off right,by letting him train to be a big crime boss in the ever expanding world of organized crime? It's never too soon to train the next generations of Sopranos to be the very best at being bad guys:



GRIMM GRRL POWER

Let's not forget our girls,here-join us in watching a plucky group of young ladies become real storybook heroines,not by just dressing up in frilly clothes and costume jewelry,but by facing off against some of the deadliest foes in fantasy land! See them take on witches,ghosts,evil stepmothers and of course,the Big Bad Wolf himself:



INSTANT ORPHAN

Orphans sure are popular,like Harry Potter,Oliver Twist or Dakota Fanning,in whatever movie she's in at the moment. Wonder how your kid would handle being on their own if you happened to not give up on drinking and driving with your friends over the weekend? Why not find out,with some hidden cameras and specially placed actors to see if your youngster can handle a hard knocked life:




PICKPOCKET SCHOOL

And finally,want your child to learn a useful trade that could add a few extra bucks to the family budget without becoming Dina Lohan or Macaulay Culkin's dad? Just enroll them in Pickpocket School,where they'll be able to actually make a trip to the mall profitable. Winona Ryder has already signed on as one of the judges and best of all,the top student recieves immunity from prosecution in several states!:

2 comments:

Pop Culture Diva said...

What about Uncle Tom's Plantation House? Young affluent teens are taken to the deep South and put under the charge of poor inner city kids. Tasks include picking cottage, taking care of children and helping out in the Big House.

lady t said...

Damn,that's a good one,PCD! Maybe we should team up to do some network programming together there:)