Pop Culture Princess

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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Announcing the Sorry Sequel line-up for this year's Bad Movie Month

 As some of you know all too well, every August at LRG is Bad Movie Month where we celebrate a selection of awful cinematic art and while it may seem a bit soon to talk about the play list of bad flicks for 2014, think of this post as advance seating for your summer blog entertainment.

The theme this year is Sorry Sequels 2 and part of the reason for that is to crossover with my ongoing series,The Year of Freddy Fear,with the alleged "final nightmare" that is Freddy's Dead.

 Amongst the true horrors of this hokey horror feature are a lame 3D showdown that has the heroine wear 3D shades to enter Kruegar's psyche(I must confess that for years I held on to the cardboard 3D shades that were given out at theaters for screenings of this sucker and that one of the frame pieces had an ad for House Party 2 on it) and cameos by Roseanne and Tom Arnold,plus a video game sequence that would annoy the Angry Video Game Nerd even more than the actual NOES game did.

 People may think Freddy's Revenge is the worst sequel of the NOES films but that one is Shakespeare compared to this murky mess:

Speaking of screwing up Wes Craven franchises, Scream 3 is on the dreary docket as well. While the second film was a worthy follow-up, this attempt at a horror trilogy nearly killed off the concept(which was somewhat redeemed by the meta media theme of Scream 4).

Wes did direct this one,so he's not off the hook here. Why he didn't work on the script(that had many rewrites,some right up til the time to shoot scenes) as well is a mystery to me. The proof is in the weak pudding of the plot that ties in the movie within the movie slasher flick Stab as the setting for Sydney to suffer though,along with the rest of the audience. You know a sequel's bad when even a parody version of it makes more creative sense:

 For sheer shlockiness,however, it is hard to top the howling bad antics of Howling II: Your Sister's a Werewolf.  

 A seriously straight drop in both budget and script quality from the 1981 surprise shocker, this flimsy sequel stars horror legend Christopher Lee as a supernatural hunter out to take down a pack of lust crazed lycanthropes run by "werewolf queen" Sybil Danning.

The most memorable moments of this film include a shot where Sybil pops her considerable top,which apparently someone in the editing room liked so much that it's repeated twice during the closing credits,a rather dubious honor at best:

 Since my sister Stephanie happens to have her birthday in August, my blog birthday gift to her is a "Sister's Choice" selection and she went with Seed of Chucky,a movie that I did make her see with me and am still apologizing for to this day.

In my defense, I had really enjoyed the prior film Bride of Chucky,with Jennifer Tilly as the wacky slaughter happy sweetie of this series' butcher boy toy and my expectations for a follow-up film about their gruesome offspring were rather high. However, you know what they say about the bigger they and how hard they can fall:

Not all of our Sorry Sequels 2 picks are horror based,although they can be horrifying to watch. As a fantasy refresher, we have Conan the Destroyer 
where Arnie takes up the sword again as he is sent off to protect a princess in order to revive his dead lover(Sandhal Bergman was probably all too happy to have the perfect excuse to skip this movie).

Amongst Arnie's co-stars are Wilt Chamberlain as a bodyguard meant to keep the princess' virtue safe(insert ironic joke here), Sarah Douglas as an evil queen and Grace Jones as a badass warrior woman they pick up along the way. One good thing that you can say about CTD is that it's a shame that Jones didn't get a spin-off film of her own from this, as her character was the only one who was an interesting creative choice:

Finally,for a sci-fi scare, we turn to Species 2, a movie so bad that co-star Michael Madsen actually admits was "a chock of shit" and mind you, he does bad movies more often than Hoda and Kathy Lee take a sip of wine. The original film was a decent enough monster mash but this slapped together sequel botches the only potentially unique twist in the script.

 In this one, a male astronaut is the one who is mutating into a new scary space invader and is driven to mate but all so conveniently, a clone of the first troublesome space gal has been brought to life around the same time and yes, her name is Eve. After this one, the rest of the series went directly to home video and no great loss can be counted on that score:

I hope this set of sorry sequels whets your bad movie appetite this summer and just remember,regardless of genre, sequels are both the thing you fear the most but just can't help loving about the movies:

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