Pop Culture Princess

Pop Culture Princess
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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Bad Movie Month presents Wrestle Movie Mania

Since August is such a slow month,pop culture wise, I have dubbed it Bad Movie Month here at LRG and each week during that time, we cover some of the best of the worst in cinema.

This year, we're doing something special. Since my sister Stephanie happens to have an August birthday, I give a movie of her choosing a particular spotlight called Sister's Choice. This time, she has picked all of the feature films as well as our theme which I call Wrestle Movie Mania.

Yes, these are movies starring professional wrestlers, many of whom are still seen on WWE's Raw, Smackdown and whatever excuse to slam faces into the turnbuckle they're willing to put on TV. The old school will be represented at least once.

 As someone who remembers the goofy glory days of pro wrestling in the eighties, this is a genre that I'm more than willing to indulge in. Granted, a few decent actors have emerged from this pumped up pageantry but for every Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or John Cena, there are plenty of performers who are better suited to the silent era of films. Here's a small sample of what we'll be subjecting ourselves to:

THREE NINJAS: HIGH NOON AT MEGA MOUNTAIN: For all of you Hulkamaniacs out there, this sorry sequel to the 1990s series of kiddie karate warriors has Hulk Hogan teaming up with the pint sized leads to save an amusement park from being taken over by bad guys.

The villains in question are lead by former WKRP in Cincinnati blonde bombshell Loni Anderson(her character is named Medusa, real subtle) and her main henchman is Jim Varney aka Ernest(the spirit guide for the likes of Larry the Cable Guy).

This particular installment in the Three Ninjas series(the last one,actually) is considered to the worst of the lot by fans and critics alike, so I think my sis and I are in for quite the terrible treat:

THE CONDEMNED: This play off of the tired trope of The Most Dangerous Game stars "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as one of many prisoners with life sentences who are snatched up by a group who wants them to fight to the death for the entertainment of rich clients.

Everyone is taken to a hidden island and strapped with a mini bomb that will go off if they disobey orders, sort of a stupider version of Suicide Squad. Naturally, Steve and his new buddies are not the type to fall in line with authority and go gruesomely off script.

The only other notable actor in this fight fest is Vinnie Jones, best known for his bad guy role in X-Men: The Last Stand and yes, he was the Juggernaut,bitch!:

THE CHAPERONE:  Paul "Triple H" Levesque tries to do better than he did as one of the vampire flunkies in Blade Trinity by taking the lead in this supposed family themed flick.

He plays an ex-con named Ray Ray who is attempting to reconnect with his teen daughter Sally(Modern Family's Ariel Winter) by being the bus monitor for her class field trip. Yeah, there's nothing that a teenager likes more than having their dad scowl at their spit balling friends there!

Of course, Ray's past catches up with him and the day needs saving from his former cohorts in crime. Too bad we can't be saved from this bout of banality:

We have a lot more in our line-up, including See No Evil with Kane and a couple of those 12 Rounds sequels. Sequels seem to be prime real estate for pro wrestlers to chomp into and hard to avoid when tacking this theme, so it seems.

Still, this should be fun for me and my sister to share during the dreary dog days of summer and hopefully, we'll be able to amuse all of you as well. Our first film will be the Three Ninjas one, just in time for my sister's birthday next week and a welcome relief from most of the pointless hot air on TV these days.

Pro wrestling and bad movies do seem to be the ideal couple. Both have low expectations, over hype , soap opera level drama and yet manage to offer some entertainment value that's at least popcorn worthy. As much as I like the cornball style of the 1980s, it's good to focus on the new way of doing things. Yet, one look back can't hurt too much now,can it?:

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