Open letter to Randy Quaid

Dear Randy,


According to the story I read this morning in the NYT(heck of picture of you they used btw,you looked like you had just gotten over a three day bender),you're suing the makers of Brokeback Mountain over your salary. Seems that you agreed to take a low fee due to the small budget(which was 14 million-no dispute there)but your beef is that the film distributors spend over 30 mil to promote BBM,so you want some more do-re-mi.

Randy,what is up with that? Nevermind the fact Brokeback is a rather nice item to put on your resume(perhaps it looks odd next to those National Lampoon Vacation flicks,but even so) or that your part was only slightly longer than Quentin Tarantino's cameo in the Muppets' Wizard of Oz,it's the principle of the thing. You've been in this business for over forty years now and you're not some sweet young thang off the Greyhound bus,with stars in your eyes. You've been around the block and back again a few times over,buddy.

You know perfectly well that all the marketing money in the world doesn't quarantee box office success-if it did,The Adventures of Pluto Nash and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle would've been at the top,not the bottom of the barrel. You were in those suckers as well as offbeat films such as Parents and Freaked so you're no stranger to small budget films and what it takes to make those babies work. If you had made a deal to share in the future profits of Brokeback,that's one thing. But it seems to me that you're mad at yourself for not cutting a better deal and you want a do-over.

Perhaps the studio will make some out-of-court settlement with you,to avoid a lengthy legal debate,but even if you win,you lose here,Randy. You know how word gets around in the film world and your doing this looks bad on you,not the studio. Maybe folks won't say anything to you directly but don't be surpised if certain projects are not sent your way and the next small part in a potentially great movie goes to John Goodman or someone just him and not you.

Oh,well-good luck to you and Christmas Vacation 2:Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure. That should help you pay the lawyers-they charge by the hour,you know.

Signed,
Lady T :founder of We Despise Greedy Artists,Inc.