Pop Culture Princess

Pop Culture Princess
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Friday, June 16, 2006

Talk about your misfit toys,indeed!

Just when the old cliche"now I've seen everything"rises to your lips,something decides to pop around the corner to make that statement null and void. With all the media fuss about Ann Coulter this past week,I did some web searching and found this:
The Official Ann Coulter Talking Doll. You push her button and she says a number of charming statements like"Liberals can't just come out and say they want to take more of our money, kill babies, and discriminate on the basis of race." and
"Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like Liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now." Sounds like the perfect addition to your daughter's set of Barbies,now doesn't it?

Politics aside,I think there's a market for wacky celebrity talking dolls. Hey,if they can make movie character figures like my American Psycho Patrick Bateman who repeats R-rated dialogue,why not have talking dolls who actually say the things that the real person they're copying would say? Let's look at a few examples:

The Born Again Anne Rice Doll: She could be clad in the lacy granny outfits with a little cross around her neck and a copy of Christ The Lord in her hand,that when you try to remove it,either defends herself against criticism from Amazon readers"you have strained my Dickensean principles to the max. I'm justifiably proud of being read by intellectual giants and waitresses in trailer parks,in fact, I love it, but who in the world are you?" or qoutes from her own Amazon recommendations like this one for the film version of Interview With The Vampire"This is the author talking. The film is shattering. For me, and of course I lack objectivity, it is The Red Shoes of Horror Films." Plus,you get a CD soundtrack of Lestat:The Musicial with your purchase,free!

The Britney Spears Baby Momma Drama Doll:The Mrs. Federline doll comes with baby that easily fits into her arms while almost falling and no carseat. Push down her head and get the latest lines from her Matt Lauer Dateline interview"You have a life. And if you don't, you have to realize that we're people and that we ... just need privacy and we need our respect. And those are things that you have to have as a human being." while defending her parenting skills "We're country." Visits from the Dept of Child Welfare not included.

The Tom Cruise Wild n' Crazy Guy Doll:This action figure has more than one playset to choose from: The Oprah Bouncing Couch,The Matt Lauer Showdown and Wacky Press Junket. Hear the best of Tom's amazingly weird statements such as“You’re glib”, “You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do.” and my favorite "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there." Accompanying Katie Holmes figure has no release date at this time.

Put in your pre-orders while supplies last and look out for these future items: The Grey's Anatomy Bed Hopping Game,The Brangelina Namibia Baby Playset and The American Idol Dartboard,with your choice of either Randy,Paula or Simon,with special bonus board that includes all three with Ryan Seacrest in the center. Only in America,folks!


Jake McCafferty said...

They already have a crazy Tom Cruise doll: Chucky.


PJS said...

I can verify that this Ann Coulter doll exists, and works. I gave it to friends for Christmas 2004.

The leggy lady now stands proudly on their fireplace mantle, scaring away Socialists and Greenpeace volunteers.

lady t said...

I was once at a horror convention where Brad Dourif(the voice of Chucky)was doing autographs and one of the guys in front of me made Brad sign TWO Chucky models(one of which was from Child's Play II,with the jack in the box). You could tell the story of Tommy and Katie thru Tiffany and Chucky dolls,if Katie decides to go full tilt boogie crazy:)

PJS,now that's a good use for the Ann Coulter doll-your own personal Homeland Security!