Shirley'll be the grandest lady in the Easter Parade

This Easter Sunday,American Movie Classics will be showing a Shirley Temple marathon of some of her biggest films,such as The Little Princess,Heidi,Bright Eyes and The Little Colonel. Apart from ABC Family's Sound of Music repeat viewings and the Ten Commandments(I just love it when Yvonne De Carlo goes "Moses,Moses,you stubborn,stubborn fool!"),this seems to be the only holiday programming scheduled anywhere.



That's fine with me,I haven't seen a Shirley Temple film in a long time and Easter is as good of an excuse as any to catch up here. Shirley is the ultimate child star icon,a sweet hearted little miss who only wanted to do her best for others
and could break into a song and dance number at a moment's notice.

She's the standard which all other cute little girls in movies must measure themselves by. People of all ages and backgrounds adored Shirley and tons of tie in merchandise,from dolls to hair ribbons,are still hot items on the collectables market. Also,unlike many young stars who we've seen crash and burn in LaLa Land,Shirley didn't slide into the dark side of fame. True,her career onscreen ended during her teens(she did host a couple of television series,Shirley Temple's Storybook and Shirley Temple Theater in the late 50s/early 60s)but she had a pretty full life afterwards. One of her best known achievements was to become a US Ambassador(using her married name of Shirley Temple Black)-let's see Dakota Fanning try that in the future!

Okay,but what's the big deal here,you might ask? Some curly haired kid in a few old movies-why should I watch even one of them? Well,let's take a look at what you've been missing there,friend:

BIll & SHIRLEY ON THE STAIRS

Bill"Bojangles" Robinson was one of the top entertainers of his day but sadly,due to the racial attitudes of the time period,was given the typically stereotype roles of manservant onscreen. Fortunately,he made several films with Shirley(as well as coaching and developing her routines for many other films)where his dancing skills were given a fabulous showcase.

One of their most famous and controversal bits was this staircase number from The Little Colonel. Theaters in the South edited the scene where the two of them held hands(how pitiful is that?!). This routine is a wondeful example of elegant movement within a restricted area(no pun intended):




THE GOOD SHIP LOLLYPOP

This is one of Shirley's signature songs,from the 1934 film Bright Eyes. The film is a typical ST story,cute kid in custody battle but it has the distinct of being the movie for which Shirley recieved a special Academy Award for. One interesting sidenote here is that the dog in Bright Eyes later on played Toto in The Wizard of Oz,where at one point, Shirley was offered the part of Dorothy but the studio didn't want to trade her over to MGM. Take a sweet trip to Shirley's musical candy shop:



LITTLE MISS MARKER

It's not on the AMC lineup but it's a film I remember well;Shirley plays Marky,the daughter of a gambler who leaves her as collateral on a loan with his mob cohorts. Dad winds up killing himself and the gangsters send her to live with bookie Sorrowful Jones(Aldolphe Menjou)who reluctantly bonds with Marky as well as gun moll Bangles(Dorothy Dell). LMM was remade twice,most recently in 1980 with Walter Matthau. The original,however,still stands up today and is the best version as far as I'm concerned:




ANIMAL CRACKERS IN YOUR SOUP

Another well known Shirley song and while I really don't like colorized b&w films,this was the best clip I could find of the song. It's from the movie Curly Top,which will be shown this Sunday:



Well,whatever you watch or do,have a Happy Easter,folks. To send you off with a smile,here's a Shirley Temple tribute courtesy of Janet Jackson:

Double dose of TAR,A South Park Easter and Top Design takes two.

We're getting down to the wire on Top Design,as the Final Three were given their challenge that would narrow the playing field even further. The assignment was to create a room inspired by an Elle Decor magazine cover on a low budget($7,500). The winner would not only get to be in the Finals but his/her design would be an ED cover for July. Carisa and Carl were fighting again(I swear,it's like watching a old married couple snipe at each other in public),this time over the faux brick wall that was the focal point for the room. Turns out Carl was right about it,because the judges really loved the look.

Carisa's room was really good,in my opinion,and Judge Jonathan Adler seems to like her style alot. The only complaint anyone had for her room was too many knickknacks and pillows,which didn't bother me(okay,I do agree about the pillows).




Matt's room won the challenge and it was alright but my first impression upon looking at it was "high end psychiatrist's office." Honestly,can't you picture Frasier Crane holding a therapy session in this room? Not to mention that there were some unfinished bits of business,like the extra metal rod that was meant to hold up the inkblot,because Matt got bogged down with upholstering the chaise lounge he bought for the room-something that he had NEVER done before!

Why would you take on a project like that,which you have no experience doing,in such a time constrained crucial"make-you-or-break-you" challenge like this?! Matt's explanation"Oh,it looks so easy whenever I go to the upholstery place" is stupid beyond belief. Of course it looks easy when it's being done by people who know what they're doing! What are they teaching people in design school these days,I'd like to know. If Todd Oldham hadn't saved his sorry ass by practically laying out a step by step outline for him to get the lounge done,Matt would've heard "See you later,Decorator!",no question in my mind.



Turns out it was Andrea who was dismissed. Her room was duller than last week's and as the guest judge pointed out,all the furniture was on the same eye level,nothing to constrant or raise your attention upwards. Andrea's big accomplishment for her design was to stitch a border on her baseboards with yarn,which doesn't work for two reasons:1)it's not something you would ever notice,unless you're staring at the floor and 2)yarn can be easy to chew thru/wear out in the long run. Not too sensible there.




So,it's Matt and Carisa in next week's finale and right after the last show,Shear Genius begins. It's a hairstylist competition hosted by Jaclyn Smith and with contestants who called themselves Dr. Boogie and Tabatha,we should be in for some fun.

On TAR:All Stars this week,we were given a two hour episode that took place in Poland,where teams had to face such challenges as piano tuning,X-raying manniquins and having to team up with another couple to eat a huge amount of kielbasa. I've eaten kielbasa and without saurkraut,it can be abit much to chow down. Oh,and for some reason,folks had to wear a suit of armor and lead a horse to the Pitstop:



Teams also paid a visit to Auschwitz,where they lit a candle in tribute to the victims and took some time to truly count their blessings. It was nicely done. Team Guido was eliminated,after recieving a 30 minute penalty on the first half of the Poland leg,if they didn't get to the Pitstop first, Too bad the guys were not in time to use the Fast Forward available but since that kept Uchenna and Joyce(along with Danny and Oswald)still in the game,it all worked out for the best.



South Park took on Easter,with a nifty Da Vinci code parody that gives as good an explanation as any why we dye eggs and have the Easter Bunny hide them. I don't know what was funnier,the marshmellow Peeps exploding in the microwave or Cartman's death threats to the local Mall Easter Bunny. If you really want to know the secret of Easter,check this clip before the ninjas break in to stop you:




Random Notes:

American Idol: Curse you,Sanjaya! Now Gina's gone and she actually had some talent! Why Haley is still there(the girl is just a sorry excuse for a rump shaker)and scary Phil is beyond me,unless this ,too, is the work of Sanjaya! Here's Gina in her farewell performance:



Atleast Lakisha,Melinda and Jordin are still safe..but for how long? America,please please,vote for the best,not the worst!

LAKISHA SINGS UP A STORM



MINDY DOO'S GOT RHYTHM



JORDIN'S VOICE COMES THRU CLEARLY



I'm really tempted to not put up any more Sanjaya clips but that wouldn't be much of a protest and besides,I was lucky enough to find a great Fred Astaire number to counteract it,so here goes:

SANJAYA SENDS US TO MUSICAL HELL



TAKE US TO HEAVEN,FRED!



The Office: Tonight,we get a new episode that's supersized and will deal with the whole Jam situation. Will Roy kick Jim's ass over Pam? Dun Dun DUN!! Inquiring minds want to know:

It Came From The Grindhouse!

The big movie this upcoming holiday weekend is the long awaited and much eagerly hyped Grindhouse,a daring double feature courtesy of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez.
You get not only two freaky flicks but some amusing trailers for nonexistant exploitation films made by the likes of Rob Zombie,Edgar Wright(Shaun of the Dead)and Hostel's Eli Roth,who really put the ratings board to the test with his tribute to old school slasher movies,Thanksgiving. Take a look but be warned-this is not work,school or any other safe viewing. Those with weak stomachs should just skip this part,trust me:



So,how revved up am I for this film? Let's just say the sound is turned up to 11 1/2 on my speaker. While I was born too late to actually go to a grindhouse film(altho I have been in my share of run down movie theaters),I've seen a few of these films to be able to appreciate what's the what here. Without further delay,let the show begin!




HOWLING II

This so-called sequel to the Dee Wallace Stone cult classic has two alternate titles:"Howling 2:Your Sister is a Werewolf" and "Howling II:Stirba,Werewolf Bitch". Either one will do to describe the story,that sends our leading man to Transylvania to investigate the death of his sister.

There,he and one of his sister's old school friends run into Stirba(Sybil Danning),the werewolf witch queen who,when she's not having orgies with her wolfen minions,plots to destroy her enemies. Christopher Lee is in this story,too-I guess he had to pay the rent that month-as Stirba's archnemesis. The most memorable part of this whole movie for many people are the end credits that put a quick scene of Sybil popping her top in replay mode.

While I don't have a clip of that,this montage should give you a good idea of what this movie is all about. If you find that none of this makes sense,you're on the right track:






BLACULA

I caught this movie unexpectedly on American Movie Classics one early morning,back when AMC use to show s decent selection of old school horror movies not just play those godawful Halloween sequels in repeat rotation. Forgive my digression there and let's get back to the feature at hand.

Blacula is a great combo of blaxploitation and cheesy gothic horror,the kind that Hammer films did so well but that AIP could only attempt to copy. You can see echoes of Blacula in later mainstream films,such as Love at First Bite and Vampire in Brooklyn(Eddie Murphy must've been a really big fan of Blacula and it's sequel,Scream,Blacula,Scream)but the original movie still leaves it's fang marks on audiences:








DEMONS

Grindhouse films do have an apprecation for foreign cultural contributions and Lamberto Bava's Demons has to be seen to be believed. The plot is rather looseleaf in design,where basically the main characters are lured to some kind of movie opening that has a mystical mask in the theater lobby which scratches one person and sets off a whole chain of freaky zombie attack events. The zombies here don't have to bite you to spread the infection,they pretty much go"Tag,you're it!". There's no real story arch in place,you just watch the weirdness unfold:





LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES

Hammer Films did it's own mix and match of movie genres,pairing up a kung fu film with it's waning vampire franchise. Peter Cushing reprises his role as Van Helsing who only gets to actually confront Dracula at the end of the film(Dracula not being played by Christopher Lee,who actually turned it down. Guess his finances were better back then than in the mid-eighties. Can't imagine that he did Howling II merely for the chance to work with Sybil Danning). The rest of the film is mostly a"we must seek revenge against the fiends who took out sister!" deal,with some nifty sword play:




Most of these movies are available on DVD,so if you can't get a ticket to see Grindhouse this weekend,maybe you can grab a couple of them to have your own private schlock fest at home.

Morissette leads the way in Merry Musical Mayhem

American Idol will be on tonight,with Tony Bennet as their guest mentor. For those of you eagerly awaiting some more Sanjaya singing insanity,here's a few funny tunes from people who can actually sing and are sure fire knee slappers:

ALANIS MORISSETTE SHOWS US HER LOVELY LADY LUMPS

Yep,Alanis Morissette does a cover of Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas'"My Humps" and it's 100% comedy gold. I knew that Alanis had a good sense of humor( she hangs out with Kevin Smith for a reason)but who knew that she could throw down some serious parody riffs? All hail to the queen:



A PERFECT THEME SONG FOR DATELINE NBC'S CATCH A PREDATOR

The music channel Fuse has a great new comedy skit show called The Whitest Kids U Know and Trevor Moore,who sings this little ditty,is a favorite of both me and my sister. Check out this and if you don't get Fuse in your area,you can go to their website at http://www.whitestkids.com/



I DON'T THINK MCDONALDS WOULD LIKE THIS

Weird Al Yankovic is pretty much the king of parodies and while his take on R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" is rather long(about ten minutes),it's not as tedious and is meant to make you laugh. Also,the animation is spot on,courtesy of Doug Bresler. Oh,and this will make you hungry-you have been warned:



SARAH SILVERMAN'S ONE WISH

In the season finale of the Sarah Silverman Show(which actually was meant to be the pilot episode),Sarah's embarrassment over a failed flatulence joke led her to sing this charmingly tasteless tune that won her a do-over from God. Hey,I don't write her stuff,I just stand on the sidelines and watch the wacky unfold:



And finally,let me wrap this up with one of my favorite moments from this year's Independant Spirit Awards. While the ceremony is pretty low tech,it has become a tradition to introduce the Best Feature nominees with song. Here,for your viewing pleasure is Minnie Driver's tribute to Pan's Labyrinth(the song has a good number of spoilers if you haven't seen the movie but not too many to really ruin it for you,in my opinion.):

Happy belated 10th Anniversary,Buffy!

I've been a bad Buffy fan....a very bad Buffy fan!

I completely forgot about March 10,which marked the 10 year anniversary of one of the best supernatural dramas on television,Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I suppose she and the Scoobies would forgive me(TPTB know they've had their share of memory mishaps)but the only way to truly make amends is to honor the salty goodness that Joss Whedon and company gave to us on a weekly basis by putting together a Top Ten list.

Not just any Top Ten,my own personal funastic favorite moments from most of the seven seasons! Man,that sounded way too peppy,even for me. Oh well,on with it!

10) Xander Declares His Independance

Xander Harris(Nicholas Brendon)was one of the key mainstays of the Scooby Gang,not to mention the first one of them to use the term"Scoobies". He's played many roles,as surrogate brother,wannabee boyfriend and the heart of the group. One of his best functions was,however,to be the fall guy. The one who took the hits and stumbled his way thru a demon assault. Everynow and then,he did rise to the occasion to kick some ass but a major fan favorite is when Xander turned all Renfield for Dracula in the season five opener,Buffy vs. Dracula. Here,towards the end of the episode,Xander vows to no longer be "everybody's butt monkey":



Personally,I thought he made a great"spider eating manbitch" but who am I to judge?

9) Giles Gets Down With His Demon Self

While Giles held the most reserved position in the group as Buffy's Watcher,it was always fun to see him shake and shimmy off the uberserious British veneer at times. During Season four,Giles got the chance to see the world thru a very different set of eyes,thanks to old buddy Ethan Rayne(Ethan was great,I wish they had done more with him). Here,Giles recruits the services of Spike(for pay,of course)to help him with this hocus pocus hullabaloo but not before getting some payback on Buffy's new mentor and college professor,Maggie Walsh:



8) Glory Flies The Unfriendly Skies

Many people were not fond of Season five Big Bad,Glory but I was not one of them. Glory was quite a challenge,being a hellgod with wicked fashion sense and random bouts of dementia which could only be quelled by sucking out the sanity in someone else's brain. In this clip,Glory nearly chows down on Dawn but winds up getting zapped elsewhere,thanks to Willow and Tara's combo mojo. Zapped to where,you might ask? Well,that's one of the kinks:



7) When Spike Met Buffy

I fell in love with BTVS in season two,when Spike first hit the scene. He was meant to be only a temporary villian but wound up sticking around til the very end of the series. The episode he appeared in,School Hard,is pretty much a BTVS classic that set a whole new tone for the show. Spike's character changed and evolved over the years,from Big Bad to reluctant ally to guilty pleasure to savior of the world. Take a gander at the very first meeting between the Slayer and William the Bloody,when he was all about the evil:





6) Spike And Dru Go Birding

Of course,you can't talk about season two without mentioning Drusilla,Spike's lady love and Angel's regret. The deadly duo cut a nice swarth thru Sunnydale in their day(or should I say night?)and a highlight of the show was Drusilla's mental meanderings which bordered on genius. In "Lie to Me",Spike gets a tad jealous of Dru's former fling with Angel(who only wants them both gone)and tries to discuss his feelings during her bonding time with her pet bird. Interesting side note,the vampire wannabee who insists on the "thirty seconds" tradition became Sarah Michelle Geller's co-star in the first Grudge movie. He didn't have a happy ending there,either:



5) Willow and Xander,Fearsome Vampire Lovers

Cordelia Chase always considered herself the center of the universe and in season three's "The Wish",she unwittingly recreated reality,thanks to vengeance demon Anyanka(who later followed in Cordy's romantic footsteps as Xander's girl). In this "brave new world",The Master has conquered Sunnydale and made Willow and Xander his top henchpersons. Here,the Sunnydale version of Spike & Dru demonstrate one of Joe Bob Briggs' criteria for good entertainment by having anyone die at anytime:



4) When Willows Collide

Willow's vampire alter ego proved to be so popular that she had a whole episode devoted to her,also in the third season. Once again,Anyanka aka Anya played a crucial role in bringing Vampire Willow back to a very different Sunnydale unlike the one where she could ride people in chains like ponies and had her seek out the more fuzzy Willow at the school library:



3) Buffy And Angelus' Duel of the Fates

Buffy and Angel's doomed romance has been the subject of many fan discussions and debates but all agree that the true climax of their relationship was in the season two finale that had both of them throwing down some major swordplay before the demon Acathla(hope I'm spelling that right)opened his big mouth to let loose the gates of hell. Buffy's having no choice but to slam the door shut with Angel as the key is out and out heartbreaking. One of my favorite bits in this whole sequence,however,is when Angelus has Our Girl backed up against the wall,taunting her as he strikes at her"No weapons,no friends,no hope. Take all that away,what's left?" She responds by catching the point of his sword like a Zen Master would a fly and saying" Me." You tell him,honey!:




2) Stuck Inside a Wacky Broadway Nightmare

Actually,the musical episode of Buffy is anything but a nightmare(for that,see the Seventh Heaven Valentine's Day singalong). It sets a high standard for any other show trying the same thing. Not only did Once More With Feeling showcase the talents of Anthony Stewart Head(who'll be humming a few tunes for Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd),Amber Benson and James Marsters and give keen insight into the inner turmoils of the characters,it kept a sense of humor about whole unrealness of just suddenly bursting into song. A good example of that is the first Scooby group number,I've got a theory, and it could've been bunnies,you never know!:



1) Back to the Beginning

The final season of Buffy had it's ups and downs(thanks to Andrew)but one of the best parts of that season was when the First Evil lectured Spike on what was to come by appearing in reverse order as every major villian of the show. Getting all those folks together to contribute such small moments is a sign of the great connections forged between the actors and the creators of BTVS. It's also wicked damn cool:

Literary potpourri for 100,Alex!

There's been quite abit of book stuff in the news this week and if you didn't catch any of it,here's a brief roundup to set you straight for the weekend:




OPRAH BRINGS CURRENT FICTION BACK

Oprah declared herself done with the whole memoir,since nothing could Sidney Poiter's Measure of a Man in her opinion(and Poiter is a hard act to follow) and has gone back to selecting current fiction. Her selection is Cormac McCarthy's The Road,a book that has gotten tons of praise and awards. She even pulled off what many would consider to be the impossible;McCarthy has agreed to appear on the show. McCarthy's a nortorious recluse-no author tours,no book signings,nada,zip. Boo Radley had more of a public life than him.

While I'm not always a fan of Oprah,I am happy to see her go back and chose books written in this lifetime. Hopefully,she'll take a chance on some as yet unknown writer out there and give him/her a shot at wider distribution. The Road is a departure for her in some ways(it's a story set in post-apocalyptic America) but in others,it's not(the main characters are a father and son). Instead of a dysfunctional family coping with the world,The Road has a dysfunctional world that a family has to cope with. Plus,Vintage released the book in paperback sooner than planned,thanks to Oprah. Oprah fans should be pleased with that.

HARRY POTTER AND THE BOOK JACKET OF SECRETS

The cover art for the last Harry Potter book,Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,was revealed to the public for both the American and the British editions. Mind you that in England,they have two different covers for the Potter books-one for the adults,the other for the kids. This one is the children's version:

BLOOMSBURY



SCHOLASTIC






The US version is designed by Mary Grandpre,who has done all of the American covers and looks pretty damn cool to me. Nicely goth but not too overdone,plus is it just me or does Voldemort look like the Emperor Palpatine from Return of the Jedi? Voldemort's robe has more of an Obi Wan hue but still.....





BOOK SENSE BOOK OF THE YEAR WINNERS

The ABA(Amercian Booksellers Association)has announced the winners of the Book Sense Book of 2007. Book Sense,for those don't know,is a independant bookseller program that releases a monthly listing of the top books to read,with blurbs contributed by independant book retailers across the country. The Book Sense awards are voted upon by indie book people. The winner for fiction is Sara Gruen's wonderful novel,Water for Elephants. In other catagories,The Book Thief by Markus Zusak recieved Best Children's Literature while Owen & Mzee:The Story of a Friendship written by Isabella & Craig Hatkoff,with Dr. Paul Kahumbu took the honors for Best Illustrated Children's Book.

Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck won Adult Non Fiction and the list of Honor titles include Oprah's new pick,The Road,along with The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai,Thunderstruck by Erik Larsen,Peter and The Shadow Theives by Dave Barry & Ridley Pearson and Pirateology. The awards will be given out during the next BEA convention which will take place in New York. The ceremony will be held at the ABA Marriot in Brooklyn,NY(Feel free to do a "BROOOKLYYYN! shout out,if you must there). Congrats to all the winners and good reading to all and to all,a good read!

Dirt finale,a hair raising American Idol and Top Design takes a suite at the Four Elements

It was Final Four time at Top Design and the decorator's challenge this week was to create a luxurious hotel room based on one of the four elements,earth,air,fire and water. I thought Goil's room was one of the best ones-he had Fire and really pulled together a viberant yet relaxing space that incorporated the theme without being overwhelmed by it.



The judges,however,were in love with Matt's room,which was Water. While he use the space well and his style had elegance,it really needed some more color. Matt said that to him,water was clear and that was what he was going for. Fine,but all that white puts me in mind of a high end hospital room,not a hotel. Some blues or green would've been a nice pop of color. Matt was declared the winner and since his carpenter nearly lost a finger cutting the boards for this challenge(the guy was okay after getting about 8 stitches and went right back to work),it made the victory extra sweet there.




When it came down to elimination,Andrea and Goil were on the chopping block. Andrea should have been the one to hear "see you later,decorator"(what a lame sign off that is)but Goil was given the boot instead. I call shenangans on that! Andrea hated the theme of her room(earth)and her design shows it;it's dull,unfocused and that stone bench with the patch of grass is uncomfortable and ridiculous! She could've gone with some rich autumn leaf colors or a forest glen feeling but no,Andrea slapped togther some drab colors and a literal interpretation that somehow got her into the Final Three.

In looking at the Judges' blogs at the Bravo website,Margaret Russell said that Goil wasn't"passionate about this room and it was his downfall." Not passionate about his room?! The guy threw a hell of alot effort and creativity into that design while being ignored and unencouraged by his fellow decorators. If anyone was not passionate about this challenge,it was Andrea,who kept bitching and moaning about how she was stuck with a theme and how she's not"crunchy". She's not that great a decorator from what I've seen on this show.

Carisa did a decent job on her room,making up for last week's diaster of a dining room but she still keeps fighting with her carpenter. Carisa,please-is it really a smart move to constantly tick off the guy who has full access to saws and hammers and can "accidently" drop heavy objects on your head?




Dirt wrapped up it's first season on Tuesday and while I've only been watching the last few episodes on and off,I figured that I might as well see how this thing ends. The best parts were poor Don Konkey's struggles in the desert to resist the urgings of his hallucinations to kill Lucy. Ian Hart is pretty damn cool,I hope he gets a better acting gig out of this.

Of course,most folks tuned in to see the big Courtney Cox/Jennifer Aniston kiss and that was pretty much a nonevent there. I've seen sexier smooches between two Barbie dolls in a grade school playroom. So dull:



I don't know if Dirt has been renewed for another season but they certainly followed the tradition of most of the successful F/X shows and went out with a hell of a cliffhanger,with Lucy bleeding to death after being knifed by Julia and calling Don to come over and take the pictures before calling 911. Great priorities there,hon! Maybe a second time around the block will pay off better,who knows.



Gwen Stefani was the guest mentor on American Idol this week,giving the contestants a choice of either No Doubt songs or songs by those who have been an influence on her such as Donna Summer and The Police. Only three of the Top Ten dared to sing some of Gwen's tunes and yes,Sanjaya was one of them. I've been awarding crappy performances on AI this season with the Singalong Screwup award but I've given up with that and will simply call it the Sanjaya. That hair alone makes him a memorable piece of American Idol's history;that was the first time I've ever seen a hairdo get it's own closeup.

When he came out with that fauxhawk,it reminded me of a cartoon character with a similar bouncy hairstyle but a much better singer:



SANJAYA DROWNING IN THE BATHWATER



NO DOUBT ABOUT WHO CAN SING HERE



Sanjaya is safe yet again,while Chris Sligh was given the honor of singing the Song of Shame. It's a bummer but Chris Sligh seemed to have quite a bit of potential going into this competition but he didn't live up to that promise. Also,not keeping in sync with the band during the song is a big no-no. On the bright side,both Melinda and Lakisha rocked some sweet Donna Summer and Gina gave a great performance with Chrissie Hyde's "Stand by You". Let's take a look:

LAST DANCE BUT NOT LAKISHA'S LAST CHANCE



HEAVEN KNOWS HOW GREAT MELINDA IS



I'LL STAND BY GINA FOR ALITTLE LONGER



Random Notes:



TAR/All-Stars: Charla and Mirna were Team Number One yet again while Teri and Ian were Philiminated. Uchenna and Joyce benefited from the airport madness on this leg which kept teams hours apart from the clues and challenges. I'm glad they're still in the race,altho I wish that Eric and Danielle were gone already. The two of them are too damn moody,plus Eric loves saying stupid things about his girlfriend's breasts or calling one of the other teams"two old queens." Nice,real nice!




The Riches: Doug faked his way thur his first day of work as Dahlia conned the headmistress of the local snooty private school into accepting all three of her kids without that pesky waiting list business. I'm really liking this show and my favorite character is Sam,the youngest Malloy with the most potential for breaking out of the family criminal rut but may have to hide his tastes in girl's clothes to keep the current con going.

Also digging seeing some other actors from favorite shows of mine show up here,like Gilmore Girls' Gregg Henry as Doug's mental case boss and last week Kaitlin Olson,aka Sweet Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia popping in as a one armed,bitchy neighbor. Can't wait to see who will show up next!

Blood Ties: Mike has finally caught on to what kind of a guy Henry really is and thank goodness,he found out by the third episode. It would've been annoying if they had dragged out the whole"what does Vicki see in him?" thing for too long. If it was up to me,I'd go with Henry. He's sexy,charming and damn useful in a fight with supernatural forces. Oh,and he's a graphic novel artist to boot! Sweet. Watch this and tell me you don't agree:

Kurt Andersen shows us one heck of a Heyday

Setting the right tone in any novel can be tricky and it's even more of a challenge with a historical one;the bar for that kind of authentic style is placed pretty high. In Kurt Andersen's Heyday,you can tell you're in for a treat in the just the same way that you can tell at a concert by the first few notes that the lead singer is in good voice.



The story begins in 1848,as Benjamin Knowles,a young Englishman from a wealthy family decides to broaden his horizons by going to America and in particular,New York. Ben's also looking to steer clear of Europe for awhile after a deadly run-in with the police in France during an uprising that lead to the death of his friend Ashby as well as one of the officers due to an encounter with a literally explosive girl and a stuffed penguin. The brother of the fallen officer,Dumont,is hot on Ben's heels seeking revenge.



During his time in New York,Ben makes a few friends and acquaintances such as Timothy Skaggs,a budding photographer and professional pleasure seeker,Duff Lucking,a Mexican War vet whose pyromania comes in handy with his current position as a firefighter and his sister Polly Lucking,a would be actress and occasionally prostitute that Ben instantly falls in love with. The Gold Rush craze has just started and for their own personal agendas,the four of them take off for California to seek their fortunes. Dumont also gets wind of this and ruthlessly stalks them on their cross country journey.




Certain real life historical figures make cameo appearances in the book,Sigmund Freud and Alexis De Tocqueville for example,but they don't stand out like sore thumbs in the narrative. Rather,they seem perfectly natural. Andersen really must have done more than just bone up on the time period-his writing shows a true love for the good old fashioned character driven,yet filled with vivid physical description of the world around the story,smartly paced potboiler of a novel. Another way to say that would be what the Blas Blue catalog calls a "thumping good read". Heyday is exactly that,to a T.



Heyday is one of those few novels that get rave reviews and not only lives up to the hype but deserves to be praised and widely read while still in hardcover. If you'd like to know more about the book and its' author,please click the title link above to check out Kurt Andersen's offical website that also has plenty of info about his earlier novel,Turn of the Century,along with his other various forays into pop culture. Heyday is not just a masterful piece of writing but a true masterwork that should be passed down thru the generations.

Does death become America's Next Top Model?

Folks are still talking about last week's episode of America's Next Top Model and not because Felicia was sent home;the chatter is due to the photo shoot in which the theme was murder victims. The whole point of the shoot was to showcase the lesson on posing the gals recieved from Benny Ninja(hard to write that name down without giggling). A number of women's groups are up in arms,claiming that the show is "glamorizing violence against women" and comparing these pics to those ads for Captivity that were taken down from billboards recently.




I'll be honest here-when I have watched ANTM,it's been mainly for laughs. Some of these reality shows are too much with the diva drama,plus Tyra and Miss J are sure to do,say or wear something wacky enough that'll get them a key spot on E!'s The Soup. However,I must admit that alot of these photo shoot themes are pretty interesting(when they're not blatant ads for Cover Girl products)and dare I say it,border on the artistic. This cycle so far,the girls have posed as political statements,high school cliches and candy. Yep,candy and they were nude for those pictures(naughty bits covered up by CGI)-wonder where the feminist uproar was then?

"Hey,you just complained about those Capitivity ads,Lady T! Isn't this the same thing?" No,not at all. The death photos were not meant to advertise a movie,clothes or any item up for sale. They were intended as an exercise in posing. Don't believe me? See what the judges had to say:

Part I


Part II



See? Everyone involved considered this as just another day's work. If you watched the whole episode,you saw the girls getting into their makeup and deciding on how to pose(like Brittany did,which enhanced her picture). Also,the girls and the judges were joking around about which model did in which girl. It wasn't about promoting violence,despite the grisly subject matter. It was about being creative and challenging,which the Capitivity ads are not.




I can understand how this would upset some people and the theme's a bit more extreme than I expected from ANTM but lighten up there,ladies,please! Tyra may be alot of things but I don't think for one minute that she and her crew meant this as anything but a unique way to get these girls to really show what they can do as models.

I'm sure the producers don't mind the extra PR this controversy has been stirring up but frankly,I'd like to see groups like NOW do some real talking in the media about how there are places in the world where women and young girls are forced into arranged marriages and can be beaten and killed on a whim,without anyone in authority saying "boo" about it. How there are women punished for doing things that we take for granted in this country,like wearing nail polish or exposing their hair. Or even wondering why Anna Nicole Smith's death and the custody battle over her infant daughter seems to have been orchastrated by a very manipulative man. Oh,but wait,that would be something a real feminist would do. My bad.

Anyway,Tyra,I'm on your side here. Just tell those haters what you told the bozos ripping on your bathing suit:

Lomax and Biggs,Hollywood homicide's finest

There are plenty of detective teams out there on the literary beat but none like Mike Lomax and Terry Biggs,the leading men of Marshall Karp's murder mystery series. We first meet them in The Rabbit Factory,where the death of a cartoon character mascot,Rambunctious Rabbit(aka Rambo),at the local Disneyesque theme park, Lamaar's Familyland is only the beginning of their troubles.

At first,Rambo's murder seems unconnected to Familyland since the guy in the bunny suit turned out to be an unregistered sex offender. Things quickly change when one of the stars of Lamaar's family films is brutally killed while doing charity work. Clues are left behind at the scene that point to a grudge against Lamaar Studios and as the body count grows,it's clear that someone has declared an all-out war against Lamaar and anyone,including customers,are walking targets.

In midst of all of this,Mike is still in mourning for his wife Joanie,who died from long term cancer and dealing with his dad,Big Jim Lomax,who wants Mike to start dating again,plus his brother Frankie's gambling probelms have caught up to him in a lethal way. Keeping Mike steady is his partner Terry,a former New Yorker who finally found the right woman(complete with three stepdaughters)after three marriages. Terry fancies himself a comedian and while he does get off a good line every now and then,he also is the one who puts his foot in his mouth first out of the two.




In their latest adventure,Bloodthirsty,Lomax and Biggs find a bigtime Hollywood producer dead and dumped in public. The prime suspect,an arrogant actor whom he was feuding with,is soon found murdered in a similar style. As the media pressure builds up,Mike and Terry discovers a very personal motive behind those murders and find they have some sympathy for the killers,who are not finished with getting revenge by a long sight.

Marshall Karp has written for stage,screen and TV,so he knows the Hollywood scene pretty well. He also knows how to create believable and compelling characters capable of smart,witty dialogue and can keep up a fast paced narrative that grips the reader to the edge of their seat. The Lomax and Biggs books are those great stories that have what Stephen King calls "the gotta " as in"I gotta read a few more pages and then I'll check on the laundry/kids/dinner" and "I gotta find out what happens next." Writers who can do that are real gems that should be treasured and Karp certainly qualifies there.

If you'd like to check out Lomax and Biggs for yourself,The Rabbit Factory has just come out in paperback and Bloodthirsty is due in hardcover this May. You can also visit the Lomax and Biggs official website by clicking the title link above to learn more about the author and his detectives. It's going to be hard to wait for the third book in the series but then again,that'll give more folks a chance to catch up and share in the joy.

When Movie Poster Art Goes Bad

As many of you who read this blog on a somewhat regular basis know,I'm a bit of a horror movie fan and have a pretty strong stomach for certain things. I even enjoy lurid images,if done well and appreciate boldness. However,some of these marketing people are really testing my limits(Warning-some of these images are definately not work safe or kid safe-you have been warned).




Recently,two movies are freaking people out with teaser posters like this one for Hostel II,showing a nude body holding her own severed head under her arm(the actress is Bijou Phillips,who's in the movie). There are two versions of it,one that you see on the right and a much gorier one,for those who must have red wine with their meal:





And that's not all,folks! Billboard ads for the upcoming movie Captivity were pulled down,due to people being upset that their kids could see images of Elisa Cuthbert being held hostage in four fun parts ending with death. Take a gander,if you will:




These ads went up on over 30 billboards in LA and 1,400 NYC taxicab tops. The producers claim that this was done in error but I don't know if I buy their"uh-oh,spaghetti-os!" line. The one sheet posters for Captivity are alittle more subtle,...well,one of them is,anyway. See for yourself:







Now,I'm not going with the"protect the kids!" line,especially since I'm usually the first person to call shenanagans on that one,nor am I going to whip out the feminista card here. My complaint is based on creativity. First impressions mean alot,folks and what are these ads telling us here? "Hey,wanna see something gross? We've got naked chicks,too!"

Smooth move,Clyde. Real smooth. These ads are nothing but shock and awe guerilla style tactics and yes,they'll put plenty of butts in multiplex seats to watch them on their opening weekends but is it too much to ask that you give your prospective audience a hint of what's to come,not give away the whole show for free?

"Aw,give me a break,Lady T! You like those posters for Grindhouse and Black Snake Moan-aren't those just as obvious?" No,not really. Those posters give you an idea about what to expect but are executed with more style and substance. They are homages to past images from dime novels and 1970's low budget exploitation films that have more heart and soul in them than some of the slick sleaze being made today. Just one look and you can tell that quality wins out:







If you have low expectations for your audience,that's fine but I for one prefer a little more flash for my cash in the brains department. Good scary fun is great and alot of my favorite flicks are not highbrow. However, ads like these for Hostel II and Captivity leave a nasty taste in my mouth that's similar to swallowing my own vomit and I'd rather not rush out to see them in theaters. Maybe a rental but more likely watch them on cable,if there's nothing else on.

I know it's hard to think of new ways to advertise any movie,especially in this genre but it can be done with a little more flair and imagination. Think it about it,that's all I am asking of you.

ColorSplash,A.I. and Top Design sets the table for a Top Chef

There was a slight reality show crossover this week as one of the judges on Top Design was chef Tom Colicchio,the Simon Cowell of Top Chef. The designers were asked to create a "chef's dining room" for one of Tom's new restaurants. The style guidelines given to them were these:arts and crafts look,mid century design with touches of natures and mixed materials such as stone and wood. The most important detail was that the room had to look high end.



Andrea won the challenge and her room did look great but I didn't like the chairs. They just looked way too stiff for me. Carisa was up on the chopping block this time and as much as I like her,the room she put together was a mess.



It was basically a huge space with a tiny looking table in the center. The chairs had these awful plaid fabric slipcovers that just screamed "itchy"! Carisa blamed some of the room's probelms on a fight with her carpenter(this girl can't keep a carpenter happy ,I swear!)which didn't endear her to the judges at all. Get it together there,Carisa!




Michael was sent packing this week,finally,after his dining room diaster;having three sets of mismatched chairs(none of which looked comfortable),a carpet that seemed more appropiate for a Vegas airport and no place to put neccessary dinner items like napkins(which Michael "disagreed" about with Judge Kelly) was not as clever as he insisted on. Also,he was very stand-offish when all of the designers were asked"which dining room would you NOT like to eat in?". Michael just pushed up his glasses and said"I refuse to answer that." twice. He really is Cousin Oliver.

My favorite dining room was Matt's,with it's leather paneled floor. Goil put together a good room,too but his floral chandelier did resemble something out of Sigmund and the Sea Monsters(that's what it reminded my little sister of,anyway).



The winner of HGTV's DesignStar,David Bromstad,had his show ColorSplash debut on Monday and since I'm on a Heroes hiatus(thanks alot,NBC!),I was able to catch the first episode. The basic premise is that David does a makeover on the one room in someone's home that they're not happy with and the theme is based on color.

David is the perfect interior designer-he's charming,tasteful and considerate of his client's needs. For the first room he did(a couple's bedroom),all the husband wanted was for his wife to be happy and to have his TV set in a better place for him to watch it.



Most design shows seem to hate TVs,especially if it's in a bedroom. Not David,he just picked up a flatscreen and had it mounted over the fireplace that was there. Cool move,man.


My only complaint is with David's assistant,Danielle. She acts real dippy and is a bit of a Repeat-O Girl;everytime David mentions a concept or an idea about the room,she parrots it back for the viewer later on. Other than that,ColorSplash looks top notch. The second season of DesignStar is due to start on July 29 and maybe some of the people behind Top Design should watch and see how it's supposed to done.

American Idol took on the British Invasion this week,with Peter Noone and Lulu as guest mentors. Sanjaya survived yet around round and for the second week in a row,I must give him the Singalong Screwup Award. Despite the tear stricken fangirl in the audience,that performance really showed that Sanjaya don't know what he's doing:

SANJAYA'S SOB STORY



THE KINKS KNOW WHAT TO DO



Let's do some positive compare and contrast;two of the ladies took on Shirley Bassey tunes(Lakisha and Jordin) this week-did they do them justice? I think so but you decide:

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER






I WHO HAVE NOTHING






Glad to see a decent performance from Chris Sligh(keep it up,buddy!)and Melinda Doolittle was lovely,singing "As Long As He Needs Me". Stephanie went home this week after a lackluster version of "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me",which is a shame. Sometimes in this show,it only takes one bad performance to kick you off. Why that hasn't happened yet to Sanjaya is anyone's guess at this point. Oh well,let us enjoy the goodness,shall we?

MELINDA



CHRIS SLIGH



Random Notes:

TAR/All Stars: Charla and Mirna were Team Number One,for the first time ever! Pretty cool and smart of them to pick the nail polish roadblock over that coal packing task. Danny and Oswald chasing Phil around the Pit Stop was so damn funny and I don't blame Phil for not wanting to get coal dust on his jacket,not at all.



America's Next Top Model: The photo shoot theme this week was CSI:Fashion Victims,as the girls made gruesomely gorgeous faces of death. Felicia was told she looked "too dead" in her eyes,but in a way that really enhanced the photo in my opinion. This shot reminded me of a scene from Dario Argento's Deep Red(the classic elevator decapitation bit that I wish I could find on YouTube). Most of the pictures had a very giallo look to them.

Felicia went home but whiny Renee stayed,to complain some more about how all the other girls hate her. I guess it's a staple of ANTM to have a resident bitch on board but it can get annoying. That whole crying over the phone to her husband to take her home after she lost out on the diamond bracelet came off like a spoiled brat whimpering how she doesn't want to play anymore,since she's not winning. Sorry you and your hubby are in debt,hon,but who asked you to get married so young and run up a stack of bills there? Beauty fades,dumb is forever-watch some Judge Judy there!

Ugly Betty: Marc's mom(played by Patty LuPone)comes to visit and Betty is forced to be his beard. Should be fun! Speaking of fun,that rubber dress Amanda paraded around in last week was hilarious,even without the hat. The Betty and Marc kiss is a comedic highlight that I'm eagerly looking forward to:

Kabul Beauty School gives lessons in sisterhood and style

When Deborah Rodriguez first came to Afghanistan in 2002 as one of the volunteers sent by the Care For All Foundation to help rebuild the country,she took a good look around her at all of the other aid workers and wondered "What am I doing here?"

Most of the folks that were there were doctors and nurses,teachers,engineers,etc. She was the only hairdresser in the bunch,which turned out to be a very in demand position. Afghan natives as well as Westerners were clamoring for her services,many of whom had been beauticians even during the reign of the Taliban. Some of them had to destroy and/or bury their mirrors and other tools of the trades if they recieved too much scrutiny from the authorities.





In 2003,Deborah became one of the teachers and founders of the Kabul Beauty School. The main objective was to give Afghan women some independence and a way of making a better life for themselves and their families. Beauty salons are a women-only zone in Afganistan,one of the few places where they don't have to get approval for every little thing from their husbands,fathers or brothers. For many of the students,the school provides them with the means of support and in some cases,the only source of income going into the household.




Deborah fell in love with the country and its' people and even set up a teaching salon of her own,The Oasis Salon. She later on married an Afghan man(who had another wife and children living with his parents in Saudi Arabia)and made many friends amongst her students such as Roshanna who needed to prove her virginity on her wedding night with Debbie's help and Nahida,married to a cruel Talib husband who abused her at every turn.




Debbie's story of her life and times in Afghanistan is truly inspiring but not a"oh,look at how noble I am" book. Rather,her down to earth nature shines thru the pages,making you feel as if you were hearing all of this from a good friend you haven't seen in years but want to know what she's been up since you last saw her. You become drawn into the world of her students and friends as well as get an real idea of what life is like in Afghanistan,a place that many of us only have a vague notion of.

There are those who would find the notion of a beauty school in that part of the world to be a trival pursuit but it's about more than just learning how to set perm rods and manicures. Attention to physical appearance is a sign of truly caring for yourself and boosts the spirit for both sexes. By opening this school,Afghan women are being given the chance to open themselves up to new possibilites and begin to make small steps towards one day being considered equals in their society. You have to start somewhere,folks.



Kabul Beauty School is a wonderful,thought provoking memoir that should be your top reading group selection this spring. It will be out in stores on April 10 and if you would like to know more about the school,please click the title link above to check out their website(that also has a link to the book). There's also a documentary about the first class of the KBS now available on DVD called the Beauty Academy of Kabul,which features many of the students and teachers(including Debbie)that is in stock at Netflix. I just watched it last night and it really enhances Debbie's account of how everything began there. This is one of the best examples about how outer beauty can truly enrich the inner.