One of most amusing parts of summer movie hype are the tie-in products;you can usually tell how bad a film did at the box office by hitting a toy store around the end of August and checking out which movie related merchandise is now on sale in the bargain bin. This upcoming season,we'll be getting the likes of Superman,X-Men,a couple of kiddie flicks and yes,even the Da Vinci Code has an official board game(and several knock-offs)to tempt you into spending even more of your do-re-mi.
I shamelessly adore some of this stuff and even proudly display such items as my Van Helsing mini monster truck(hey,it was a present!)amongst my assortment of offbeat knick knacks. However,I do like to wonder about how low the tie-ins can go and in that spirit,here's a list of my Top Five What-If Movie Tie-Ins for '06
5)Poseidon Sink to the Bottom Playset:David Blaine may not want this under his Christmas tree but your youngsters should enjoy hours of fun with this easy to set up anywhere toy-just separate the two halves of the boat(keeping the plastic sidings on)and dunk into any body of water and watch the small figures slowly drown! Or,keep it together and look thru the see through bottom as the water fills up,knocking the pop up celebs around!
4)The Devil Wears Prada Talking Handbag: Just the thing for that Princess Diaries fangirl who wants to appear more grown-up! Every time you open the bag,listen to one of several vocal messages recorded by the film's stars. Hear Anne Hathaway say"I'll be right there" and Meryl Streep"Where's my latte?" or "I am NOT Anna Wintour!" Comes in your choice of colors-Bitchy Blood Red,Intern Green or Back in Black.
3)A Scanner Darkly Coloring Book: Now,you can make your very own version of this artsy new film at home! Just color in photos from the film with crayons,markers or whatever's rolling around in your kitchen drawer. Let the kids express their creativity by making the likes of Keanu Reeves,Winona Ryder and Woody Harrelson as multi-hued as the Power Rangers on an acid trip!
2)A Prairie Home Companion Survival Kit: Want credit for seeing an "adult" movie this summer but can't stand the overlapping dialogue of an Altman film(plus,the possible dullness of watching people perform endless radio monologues)? Well,then we have the perfect solution-just pick up this handy dandy kit to help you keep as awake or rested as you wish! Kit includes earplugs,small shoulder pillows,a bottle of No Doz and for an extra 79.95,you can also have an IPod mini to drown out the more confusing talky bits which make up most of the film!
1)Snakes on a Plane In A Can: A nifty combo of the classic gag item with the hot new internet film sensation-Samuel L. Jackson qoutes may or may not be included.
Don't be surpised if any of these suckers actually do turn up at a store or website near you-I didn't think I would see the day when there would be an oil painting of Tony"Scarface" Montana and the casts of The GodFather,Goodfellas and the Sopranos in a Last Supper scenario out for sale but it does exist and I have witnesses. One of the scariest things I've ever seen,ever.
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