Having a blast from the ghast with Tales From The Crypt flicks

One of the great things about a home video library is the luxury of having a movie on hand that you just get the sudden urge to see again. Last night was one of those times for me,as I popped in the DVD for the first Tales From The Crypt movie,Demon Knight. My fondness for this film comes from the first time I saw it at a special
midnight showing sponsored by Fangoria magazine(during one of their now-none-too-frequant-NYC conventions).

I had won some free passes and my cousin,along with his very cooperative wife,joined me at the theaters where one of the actors in the film appeared. It was the late Dick Miller,who plays "Uncle Willy",and he was great. He even shared a Pulp Fiction story with us about how he found out that his scenes in the movie were cut;Tarantino walked up to him just as the movie was about to be screened at a film festival and said"Oh,by the way,you're cut out of the movie." and then took a seat!

The movie itself holds up rather well,even with the hokey humor of the Crypt Keeper intro and end bit,and to me,it represents the early seasons of the HBO series quite well. Yes,there are gruesome gory moments and obvious humor laced with sex and bad puns but beneath the surface is the sturdy bones of a good story. Demon Knight is about a standoff at an isolated motel between Brayker,the protector of a mystical key, and a demon known only as The Collector(delightfully played by Billy Zane)who will use any means to get what he wants. In this scene,The Collector stops pretending to be human and begins his demon swat team throwdown:



There are a couple of strong women in this movie,one of whom becomes essential as the plot goes on. That would be Jeryline,a trying to reform thief with dreams of traveling the world,played by Jada Pinkett who really should do more genre films. Check out one of my favorite scenes as Jeryline is offered a real devil's bargain:



Other actors in this film that have gone on to non horror shows include Thomas Haden Church whose character is named Roach and says charming things like"This whole hell on earth business? Big fucking deal...I've got hemorrhoids." and CCH Pounder as Irene the motel owner who kicks demon ass even with one arm. Ernest Dickerson directed(it was his third movie)and two of the screenwriters,Ethan Reiff and Cryus Voris,went on to create the short lived series Brimstone. If you're looking for a fun fright film,Demon Knight is a great choice.



Too bad the same can't be said about the second TFTC movie,Bordello of Blood. I also heard about this film first at a Fango convention but there was no screening for it set up(did get some swag for BOB,namely a t-shirt and poster). This sorry sequel showcases the flaws that soured the last few seasons of the TFTC show;sloppy writing plus overreliance on bad jokes and gore. There was also a overabundance of big name actors cast who were meant to hold up the weak ends of the plot but wound up being schickmeisters. I think the trailer for the movie sums it up best:



Yes,that was Corey Feldman who looked more like a werewolf than a vampire there and Christopher Sarandon,who was way cooler as the vampire lead in Fright Night. Dennis Miller is a funny guy but totally out of his element in a film like this. The only one who did fit in her part was Angie Everhart as the bloody bordello vampire queen. A real shame,especially for vampire fans like me.




Death Becomes Her,I've always thought of as "Tales From The Crypt:The Movie." It came out in 1992,well before either one of the official TFTC films and even tho it's not connected to them,DBH has the real dark spirit of the EC comics. Even with it's celebrity stars,the story doesn't seem like a playhouse production for them to prance around. Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn are dead solid perfect as two frenemies fighting over poor frantic Bruce Willis. The best part of the show is this battle to the undeath:

YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF!




THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR!



EN GARDE,BITCH!



I HAVE NO PROBELM WITH THAT,DO YOU?



Isabella Rossellini is excellant here,too as immortal portion selling witch,Lisle:



Death Becomes Her wasn't well appreciated in it's day but the movie has a nice little cult following and is really a hoot and a half. Lots of folks didn't like Meryl Streep doing comedy but anyone could see that she did have a flair for the funny,long before the devil donned Prada. If you haven't seen DBH,go for it. You won't be sorry.


Will there another horror film in this style yet again? Right now,the model for fear films is Saw or Hostel(good movies but not for the faint of heart). It would be nice if this brand of funny fright shows came back. Wit and weirdness go well together,especially when you're in the mood for brains as well as guts.

The Top Ten Things I learned from 300

The latest Frank Miller adaptation,300,hit the screens this weekend and made the kind of money you only see usually on the Fourth of July;$70 million. As one of the those who went to a matinee showing,I can truly say that this movie is worth every penny and more so.

From the gorgeous sepia tones that made the viewer feel as if they were in an Edith Hamilton mythology book to the brilliantly bloody battles,not to mention Gerald Butler as King Leonidas in all of his glory,300 brings the sword and sandals genre back more successfully than Timberlake does sexy.

There are plenty of good life lessons you can get from this movie,too. I know some critics think this movie is all guts and no brains but I beg to differ. Take a look at these slices of Spartan wisdom:




10) Only Spartan women give birth to real men.

9)No mercy. No prisoners. A good start.


8) If your enemies have enough arrows to blot out the sun,then simply fight in the shade!


7) Diplomacy cuts both ways,literally:



6) You may have a probelm kneeling before a god king if your legs are cramped up from slaughtering his army.




5) Be sure to have plenty of sexy slave girls on hand, just in case you need to bribe a hunchback for battle plans.



4) With a name like The Immortals,someone's going to put you to the test:



3) If you chose to openly betray a Spartan queen,remember this-payback will not be quick and you will not enjoy it!

2) It's a good idea to appoint an official survivor of a suicide mission,so that your tale of victory gets told across the land.

1)Best to eat a good breakfast before a major battle since your dinner plans may be a tad unexpected:

March Movie Poster Madness

Since we're getting closer to spring(which, in movie going terms,is a hop,skip and a jump away from summer blockbuster season),more of the big tentpole flicks are getting hyped up in theaters in near you. Let's take a look at some of the posters that are currently decorating the multiplex lobbies and hopefully haven't been stolen yet:




FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

This is only a "teaser" poster but what a treat it is! It's certainly quite the eye catcher,I must say. Word on the street is that Galactus,(the world destroying King Kong sized villian that the Silver Surfer is the herald for)will be making an appearance in the film. There was some doubt about his showing up,due to budget constraints.

Note to fans of the Sarah Silverman Show-if you watch the trailer,keep an eye for Brian Posehn. He's the priest marrying Reed Richards and Susan Storm.




HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

Another teaser ad but nicely menancing. As the series allows it's character to get older and the storyline grows darker,it is good to see that the filmmakers are not trying to water the content down.

Daniel Radcliffe has been recently confirmed to star in the last two HP movies(they really can't be made without him at this point)but I don't think that this role will be the only one he'll ever be known for. Granted that some folks are going to see him in Equus to drool over him but like Leonardo DiCaprio before him,the pretty boy phase will give way to the time when his true talents will be what gets him work.



SPIDERMAN 3

I really like this poster,the whole duality thing is well captured here. The preview clips shown during last Monday's Heroes(along with the 7 1/2 minute clips that were available for one day only at the NBC website)have whetted my appetite to feast my eyes on the rest of this film.

Both of the film's stars Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst,along with director Sam Raimi,have said that this is their last Spiderman movie. They feel that the Spidey flicks are a complete trilogy and there's nothing more they can do with them. I think that's a good idea. It's hard enough to get one comic book movie right,let alone three of them. This is best for all concerned,including the audience.



AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE COLON MOVIE FILM FOR THEATERS

Yep,that's the actual title of the movie,folks. I know that with the Boston Scare a few weeks ago,a few people might be turned off to this film but they'd be missing out on a load of laughs. The wild and weird antics of Meatwad,Master Shake and Frylock(my favorite character) have to be seen to be believed.

This poster is pretty cool,with it's old school Conan look. There's also an Army of Darkness vibe to it as well(a great Sam Raimi movie that you should definately see if you haven't already. Yes,it's a sequel to Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn but you don't have to had seen the earlier film first). Bruce Campbell is listed as one of the voice actors which may explain the AOD feeling.




PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 3: AT WORLD'S END

Never thought a movie based on a Disneyland ride would become a major film trilogy,did you? I certainly didn't see that coming. Also,when did someone in marketing decide to put out multiple posters featuring each character separately for one film? It's not a bad idea but it is a tad repetitive there.



There's atleast five solo character posters from this movie,they had about half a dozen for The Departed and it seems like there are a jillion of them for the new movie 300,which just opened up today. Look,I know all about star billing and stuff like that but there should be a limit here! There's only so much wall space in anyone's home for these things.





Pop quiz: out of these three posters,who do you think looks like they can really throw down some solid swordplay? My money's on Keira-she has that Kill Bill glint in her eye. Johnny Depp does everything cool and can turn on a dime,so he could swash a buckle or two there. Bloom is the weakest link. He looks like he's about to swing on a vine rather than slash a guy's face with that blade. Now,if he had a bow and arrow,then there'd be some trouble. I saw Bloom in Troy and the only time his character truly kicked ass was when he stared arrow slinging.

Well,that's enough for now. Tune in next time,true believers and don't forget to save me an aisle seat.

Another Heroes hiatus,Top Design returns and AI gets closer to the Top 12

Heroes gave us some more answers this week,like who was the person looking for Clare via the Silent Haitian(Mother Petrelli),does Mohinder have any clue about his new buddy "Zane"(yes, but he should've called for backup before taking on a super powered psycho alone-again,not smart,dude!)and will Hiro ever get that sword(Hell to the yes,finally!!!). However,they were cruel enough to end the show on this chilling cliffhanger and make us wait until April 23 to see what happens:



So mean! If this show wasn't so good,I'd be alot angrier but patience is a virtue. Also great is the adding on of new folks,like the Illusionista who tricked Mr. Bennet into showing his true colors to the Primatech Posse. She seems very much in villianess mode-maybe Sylar can hook up with her(if he doesn't feast on her brains first). The star turns on Heroes truly rock, now with Malcolm Mc Dowell playing Linderman. Hard to hate a crimelord who bakes his own potpies,you know?



Top Design took a break last week but the show returned last night to give the designers another group challenge: design a garage for a family that wanted storage space,a home office,room for the car and a stage for the kids to play theater. Andrea's design was chosen,giving her immunity and making her the project manager. She assigned everyone certain tasks tailored to their speciality(why she let Michael chose the fabrics,I don't know. His idea of purple is the same grape hue he uses every chance he gets)and wanted everyone to work together and add to the mix.



I was worried that Carisa would be the one to go here since she got overly focused on creating the home office(which was put in a outside shed at the last minute)and didn't try to help the others out in the garage itself. The office did turn out nicely,with some good touches of flair so Carisa was spared.



Ryan was the one kicked to the curb and I for one was glad to see him go. His whole attitude towards this project was"these people have too much stuff,they need to throw all of this junk away!". Gee,I wonder why the family didn't chose your design,Ryan,especially after you said that to their faces. Way to schmooze the clientele there,buddy!

Ryan was supposed to add graphics to the garage but all he did was put down the two lines meant as the car parking space. He also alienated the judges yet again,first by saying he was sorry for being snarky last time but in the next breath,claiming that he wouldn't have taken on this project in the first place and gladly turned down the money. Well,la-di-frakking-da for you,Ryan!

People like Ryan are so obnoxious,with their"I'm above all this,I'm a REAL ARTIST!" routine. As the daughter of a artist,I can say this with some authority:real artists don't go around proclaiming that they are one. Those who can't do,screech.

Speaking of screeching,the guys on American Idol were still stuck in the same sad groove as before,with this week's winner of the Singalong Screw-up award being Sundance Head. He did for Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" what Constantine did to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" so long ago; took that tune into a back alley and beat it down so badly that it's own mother wouldn't recognize it. This was truly a musical crime of epic proportions:


SUNDANCE SLAUGHTER HOUSE VERSION


THE PROPER WAY TO PEARL JAM



I know that I've been hard on Antonella lately but the best thing I can say about her singing last night was that it sounded adequate. Simon was right,she's gone as far as she can here. Nice of him to allude to her photo controversy and say that she was handling it well. Haley was pretty weak as well but Simon was way harsh in calling her performance"a ghastly High School Musical" number. Haley and Antonella need to go home.

It's hard to chose which guy should go,with most of them being really so-so. I noticed that Sanjaya's ironed hair style was rather short lived-by the time the girls went to sing,his locks were back in Shaun Cassidy mode. Will that save him?Can't really say. Here's who I think will definately be in the Top Twelve,not a question in my mind:



MELINDA



LAKISHA



CHRIS SLIGH



Random Notes:




TAR/All Stars: Rob and Amber have been leading the pack so far,with being Team Number One three times in a row. Those two have the luck of the devil,I swear! The Coalminer couple,David and Mary,were eliminated this round and they join Kevin & Drew in the finish line sidebar. The Beauty Queens seemed to have formed an alliance with Teri & Ilan but I would watch my back,if I were them. Those girls have teamed up with folks before only to use 'em and lose 'em before the end.

South Park: Another season has started up just as the Sarah Silverman Show is finished with it's run(Sarah's been given a greenlight for season two,so this won't be the last we see of her on Comedy Central)and jumped right into the hot topic pool with this unusual Wheel of Fortune Puzzle:



A great take on the whole issue as always,plus plenty of cruel school Cartman stuff. This bit cracked me up when I saw it in the commericals for this episode and it is classic Cartman all the way:

Was American Idol unfair to Frenchie?

American Idol has been getting quite abit of flack lately due to the show's having no probelm with current contestant Antonella Barba appearing in several sexy photos online while a few years ago,Frenchie Davis(who is now performing on Broadway in Rent) was kicked off the competition after lingerie pics of her became public. A civil rights group is claiming racism and Frenchie herself is not happy about the whole thing. Frenchie is not saying her dismissal was racially motivated" but I can certainly look at this and understand why people would draw that conclusion."




About Antonella,Frenchie has said "I'm not bashing `Idol' or Antonella. She's a beautiful girl and she's young. I think it's great that she didn't have to go through what I went through," and regarding the AI producers,she feels that an apology would be good but more than that,they should be sorry for"the manner in which I was humiliated and the manner in which Antonella was defended and protected by the same people who humiliated me."

Fox and AI refused to comment on the whole thing but one of the producers clearly seemed sympathic to Antonella in this statement to EW:"It's sad, isn't it, that your best friends are the ones that come forward with information that will go to Smoking Gun or put your photographs on the Web?" Where was that sentiment when Frenchie's photos were gossip fodder,I'd like to know!

I'm not an Antonella fan for two reasons: 1) her behavior during the early Hollywood audition rounds when she and her pal Amanda psyched out fellow contestant Baylie Brown showed her true character,which is sneaky and conniving,and 2)she can't sing to save her life. I don't care about the photos,one way or another. As Simon keeps saying,this is a SINGING competition and in terms of talent,Frenchie kicks Antonella's overexposed ass six ways to Sunday. Let's do some compare and contrast here-look at the auditions of both ladies:

FRENCHIE



ANTONELLA(with cohort Amanda)



And here they are in Hollywood week:

FRENCHIE w/Kimberley Locke



ANTONELLA,teaming up with Amanda against Baylie Brown



It's no secret that Vote for the Worst has picked Antonella as their poster girl this season for her continually bad performances like this painfull rendition of Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing":



Her most recent musical crime was attempting to pull off Celine Dion's"Because You Loved Me"-song choice,people,song choice! It's very important:



I'm sure some of you are going"Well,just because she's on the show doesn't mean that Antonella will win. Besides,Frenchie has a good career now,just like Jennifer Hudson and lots of other people who didn't win." Yes,but Antonella is being given more of a chance to compete than Frenchie was at the time. Also,Frenchie's pictures were taken for one specfic website so that she could have enough money for school. Antonella's pics are the result of being wasted and popping her top in front of someone's cell phone camera. To me,that's a big difference.

Frenchie should have been allowed her moment in the sun because she had the voice to do so,period. Antonella will be singing again tonight while Frenchie is hitting those high notes on the Broadway stage. Which audience will be getting their money's worth,I wonder? As Judge Judy might say,beauty fades but talent is forever.

I'm wishing and I'm dreaming of Disney classics onscreen today

With the DVD release of Peter Pan this week,I've been remembering and missing a lovely tradition that Disney had been doing until a few years ago;releasing their classic cartoon films into movie theaters. Not only did my parents take me and my brother to see such flicks as Snow White,Dumbo and Fantasia when we were young but I was able to take my younger sister to the movies to check out Lady & the Tramp,Cinderella and 101 Dalmatians(the live action version with Glenn Close is weak compared to the original). This is a pastime that should be brought back.



It was a great deal all around. Parents would take their kids to films that they themselves had enjoyed at that age and knew were good quality films. Kids would get some bonding time with the folks,plus experience such wonders as Snow White's dance with the dwarves or Bambi's first attempt at ice skating on a big screen and the studio would rake in the dough. Perfect,right?

Well,it used to be. Now with the increase of home video libraries and other venues to showcase their goods,Disney has become content to dish out their treasures on special edition DVDs for a "limited time only." I think that's fine and own quite a few of those myself but would it be so bad to have a movie like Peter Pan or even the Little Mermaid back in multiplexes for a limited run? Not everyone can afford to take their youngsters to a Broadway version of Tarzan,you know!

Just take a look at some of these scenes and tell me if you think it's better to see them on TV or a movie screen first:

Spaghetti Serenade



Cinderella's Super Sweet 16



Devil's Night Out(I know it's scary but it's wicked cool!)



Wicked Queen Makeover






I'm sure some of you might be thinking" So,what's the big deal? Don't you like anything Disney's done since the fifties?" Well,of course,I do. Sure,I'm more in favor of the old hand drawn style but Pixar's put out some great CGI flicks like the Toy Story movies and The Incredibles as well. It would be great if movies like Aladdin and The Lion King got a release into theaters. They're well made and hold up under mulitple viewings(trust me,I know!). Heck,why not release some of the classic live action stuff,too? There's an audience for those,plus the remakes with Lindsey Lohan and Tim Allen just aren't cutting it.



So,if there are any movie execs or movie theater distributors out there listening to this,just think about it,okay? Might this old school notion still be a money maker in this uber modern world? I'd like to believe so but more importantly,it would be an excellant way to get families hooked on going to the movies together.

We'll be right back with this commerical after a word from our sponsors

It was recently announced that there are plans to turn the Cavemen ads from Geico into a tv series;a pilot episode has been ordered but no networks are set to put this on the air just yet. While a pilot doesn't guarantee that a show will get picked up by a network(as Aquaman fans know all too well),if this show does well,it may set off a chain of similar programming across the board. I like those Cavemen commericals myself;they're witty and the makeup looks great. This is my favorite one:



So,what other ads could be the basis of a new sitcom or hour long drama? Here's a few ideas off the top of my head:

ONE FOR ATTELL AND ATTELL FOR ONE

A buddy comedy;four cell phone salesmen hang out together and rule the mall court scene until newcomer Chad moves in with his nifty new calling plan to upset the balance. The Cell Phone Posse decide to team up and take Chad(who only wants to be their friend)down. Their wacky schemes fail,of course,but they never give up! This should do well next to How I Met Your Mother,don't you think?:



CARNE KINGS GO TO TACO BELL

Perhaps Animal Planet would like this,a show about two leonine friends who travel the jungle plains,looking for tasty tourists and even tastier steak taquitos! This concept could cross over to MTV as well:



WORKWEEK WARRIORS

Fans of Lost and The Office should truly enjoy this gripping drama,courtesy of Careerbuilder.com,that has a corporation trapped on a remote island with management still determined to carry on their daily routines. There's plenty of action and suspense that should keep folks on the edge of their seats:



MY FIVE

A perfect comedy-drama hybrid,this show features several different people making one of the toughest decisions of their life;who are my five favorite friends in the world that I call on for when things get tough? Plenty of revelations erupt when certain fives are exposed:



This show can have teen appeal as well,with those high school attempts at young love being great punchlines:



YOUR DREAMS MISS YOU

This is a surrealistic kind of show,more suited for F/X or USA,where characters are welcome. It tells the story of a man who is so sleep deprived that his dreams have no choice but to come out into the real world to connect with him. My favorite character's the beaver-he's one of those classic curmudgeonly types that could get his own spin-off:



Keep an eye on those TV ads,people. They're not just bathroom breaks anymore! The next great television sensation could be just waiting for you in thirty seconds or more.

Witness some chilling child's play at Jesus Camp

One of the other better known nominees for Best Documentary at the Oscars this year was Jesus Camp,a look at the Fundamentalist/Evangelical Christian movement's desire to convert young children into "God's Army". Many of these kids are homeschooled and are encouraged to live in an isolated community made up of folks who believe that America has gone wrong by allowing such things as evolution to be taught in public schools and legalized abortion.

Not surprisingly,alot of these adults are right wing in their politics and have no qualms about using kids as young as eight years old to convert strangers and appear at protest rallies.


One of the major figures in Jesus Camp is Pastor Becky, a children's minister who runs a Christian summer camp for children called "Kids On Fire" in (ironically enough)Devil's Lake,ND. Pastor Becky feels that her mission in life is to have a generation of young people"willing to die" for Christ,just like the Muslim extremists have for their cause. Uh huh,yeah because that's just Jesus would want..not! Let's see Pastor Becky in action:



Pastor Becky likes to use props in her camp talks and is not a fan of Harry Potter,who she misrepresents as a warlock. Hello,Harry's a wizard! Get your facts straight there,hon:




We also get to meet some of the kids who are the focus of this intense indoctrination,like Rachael. Rachael is a sweet girl, but her enthusiam for bringing others into the fold borders on highstrung at times. Listen to her reason for wanting to be a nail stylist when she grows up:



Levi is twelve and seems to be being groomed as a future preacher for the faith. This is his take on what Non-Christians are like:



The best thing about this documentary is that the directors Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady don't have to point out the connections between this determined religious recruitment and other types of early age brainwashing;they just let the people involved here do all the talking and allow the audience to see and think for themselves,which is something that the adults here would hate for anyone else to do.

The closest that the movie gets to a narrator is Mike Papantino,a Methodist radio spokesman on Air America,who is concerned about this whole movement:



Jesus Camp is an eye opening look at what appears to be the making of a religous/political cult. I'm all for freedom of religion and speech but I am also for freedom of thought and for people of all ages to given more than one point of view so that they can make an informed opinion about the world around them. The adults in this film ,sadly enough,do have the best intentions and truly believe that they're doing the right thing in preparing these kids for the future. I do wonder how some of these kids will be,ten years from now. I also wonder about the impact of folks like Ted Haggard(who makes an appearance in the film and later complained about it)who are being exposed right now for their sins and follies,are on the youngest members of the flock:



Jesus Camp is now available on DVD and if you click the title link above,you can learn more about this film at the official website. This is one documentary that should be watched with someone because you're going to have alot to talk about afterwards. My sister and I saw JC together two days ago and we're still finding plenty of food for thought. Free will is definately not overrated.

Heroes' Bennet backstory,American Idol and Veronica Mars solves the case yet again

Heroes had a nice use of the flashback this week as the Bennet household was under siege by Radioactive Ted and Matt the Mindreader(where was their new buddy Hanna Gittleman aka Wireless Lass,I'd like to know!). We learned several new things: Claude the Invisible Man was Bennet's first partner, Hiro's dad(more George Takai,yes!) is a major member of the Primatech Paper Mutant Hunters and our good Haitian friend has been keeping his mouth shut for quite a long time.

I've always considered Mr. Bennet to be one of the bad guys on this show and in some ways,he may still be but his love for Clare is totally sincere and heartbreaking. It's too bad that he goes to such extreme measures to keep his family out of the loop but now we have more of an understanding about the why of that. Plenty of fireworks,both physical and emotional from everyone. Here's one of the biggest ones of the episode:





The murder of Dean O'Dell was wrapped up this week on Veronica Mars,just in time for a brief hiatus to give the Pussycat Dolls Search show on for a few weeks. Yeah,replace a smart,savvy show with a female lead with a hunt for the next video vixen to complete the bimbo six-pack-another brilliant move there,CW! Back to VM,I really hope Keith gets to stay Sheriff,it's nice to see a competant person getting to do the job they were meant for. Whether or not that will make Veronica's detective work harder or easier remains to be seen.

Also hope that the whole Logan/Veronica thing takes a back seat for awhile. I've never been crazy about him as her boyfriend in the first place and now that he's wanting to move on to Parker(good on Parker for using the "but you were dating my friend" backout. Shows some character),I say great! I'm all for love but VM is best when Veronica gets all into classic Nancy Drew mode. The confrontation in the classroom was truly awesome:




Once again,the girls beat down the boys on American Idol this week. The dedication theme was nice but some of the choices were weird,like Jared singing"Let's Get It On" for his parents. ICK! Poor Sanjaya,he wanted to honor his grandfather with that "Stepping Out With My Baby" number but he seemed to be whispering the whole song(I knew Sanjaya was in trouble when he came out with that fedora). The only decent guy numbers were Sundance Head's "Mustang Sally" and Chris Sligh's tribute to his lovely wife. Very nice:



Lakisha rocked the house again,with "Midnight Train To Georgia" dedicated to her grandmother:



Haley tried to get down with "Queen of the Night" but she sounded more like the Kid Sister of the Early Evening to me:



Don't agree with me? Take a listen to the original version of the song then:



Other ladies who did well the other were Melinda,with "Funny Valentine",Gina with"Alone"(songs from Heart are tough to do but she pulled it off nicely)and Stephanie's "Dangerously in Love",even if she did sound abit Beyonce. Antonella and Alaina were awful. Alaina's voice was drowning in the Dixie Chick's "Not Ready to Make Nice" and Antonella needs to watch the 'tude. Simon was correct when he said that he and the other judges put Jennifer Hudson on but America voted her off. Go get some more singing lessons,honey or find another webcam to pop your top for. That's your biggest claim to fame here,Antonella.


The results show is tonight and these folks should be safe from the Song of Shame:

MELINDA



GINA



SUNDANCE



Random Notes:




America's Next Top Model: I managed to catch some of this cycle's premiere(why do they call their seasons "cycles" on ANTM? Do I really want to know?)in between the girls on AI and I liked the concept of political hot topics as a photo shoot theme. Kathleen really was dippy,even for a show like this. Her take on anti-fur(her photo topic) is"It's bad to kill live animals but if they're already dead,you can take the skin...they do die of old age in the jungle,right?" Uh,even if they do,dear,most fur coats are not made of matted aging fur from a retired forest dweller. That blank stare in her photo was way too natural,so it's for the best that she's been dismissed.

The Office: Michael and Jan's relationship reminds me of the Spike/Buffy hook-up in Season Six; Jan hates to need Michael but he fulfills her longing to connect to someone,even in a self destructive way. And just Spike,Michael is more committed to their romance than she wants him to be. Don't know if this love affair will "implode on itself like a dying star" but it may end badly for all concerned. Poor Michael.

Jan & Michael's Dirty Little Secret:



Spuffy Love:

Live and learn about Evolution,Me & Other Freaks Of Nature

Mena Reece is having a harder time starting high school than most kids,due to being kicked out of her church and shunned by her former friends for unintentionally exposing the truth about what they did to another classmate. Her parents are furious with her as well,giving Mena the cold shoulder at home. The only bright spot in her school day is science class,where Ms. Shepard,a brilliant and challenging teacher,gets Mena hooked on a subject that was usually dull as dishwater to her.

Mena is made lab partners with Casey Connor,a smart and quick witted guy,who is a true science whiz and has no idea why Mena keeps getting hassled by her fellow classmates who form a protest group against Ms. Shepard when she begins teaching a unit on evolution in class.

The kids,known as The Back Turners,are encouraged by their local minister,Pastor Wells(who even gets to make a statement in front of the class,against Ms. Shepard's wishes),who insists on intelligent design,aka Creationism,being taught side by side with Darwin. Ms. Shepard would rather teach the facts about science and encourage her students to think for themselves, which is a concept that makes Mena nervous but curious as well. Her friendship with Casey and his family is kept in cloak and dagger style since her parents wouldn't approve of her being friends with a boy,especially one who is into Lord of The Rings movies.

Mena winds up getting involved in the evolution debate secretly,thanks to Casey's sister Kayla who writes for the newspaper and has Mena set up a blog that mixes religion with science called BibleGrrrl.com. As Mena's feelings, not only about evolution but her relationship with Casey as well,start to stretch out beyond her limits,there are some tough choices and revealations that she has to make.

This is Robin Brande's first novel for young adults and her depiction of a religiously inclined teenage world is skillfully portraited without stereotyping or over the top dramatics. Both science and religion are given respect and praise,even by the very teacher who wants to give her students the full facts on evolution. An open minded view that suggests that you can accept Darwin and Jesus without one canceling out the other is presented and frankly,that's a viewpoint which should be included in adult discussions on this subject,too.



Evolution,Me & Other Freaks of Nature will be out this August at bookstores everywhere and please do check out her blog(which is linked in my sidebar)for more info,plus she has quite alot of funny,interesting things to say on a daily basis. You can also check out the BibleGrrrl site created for the book by clicking the title link above. This book should be a hot topic upon it's release but the story and characters are just as engaging and entertaining as any others you'll encounter in teen fiction. Perhaps even more so than the rest.


Robin's the one who first told me about the documentary Jesus Camp(that I just recieved from Netflix and will be reviewing later this week)which gives you a glimpse into the diehard Christian right and how they're training kids to be "warriors for God". When I was reading EM&OFON,another movie came to my mind,Saved!,which stars Jena Malone,Mandy Moore and Malculay Culkin as teens in a Christian high school dealing with the realities of life.

Evolution is not a key part of Saved!,but it's a good companion piece to Robin's book,atleast until there's a movie adaptation of it,hopefully soon. Evolution,Me & Other Freaks of Nature not only shows how Mena grows as a person but lets her keep true to what she believes in her heart to be right. A good lesson for anyone at any age.

Fantasy casting for Justice League Movie

Warners Bros has commissioned a couple of fellows to write a script for a Justice League live action film;this has quite a few fanboys and girls feeling rather giddy as you can imagine. Who would be cast in this movie,given the new Superman/Batman and upcoming Wonder Woman projects,is a tricky wicket to figure out. However,in the grand tradition of fantasy football,I have picked my preffered players from the past and present of DC comics adaptations that would make the perfect ensemble:




BATMAN: TIM BURTON VERSION

As much as I adore Christian Bale's take on the Dark Knight and even have a fondness for Adam West's hokey ways,Michael Keaton was the first onscreen version of Batman that I ever saw and he still rules the role. Keaton was a controversal choice back then due to his strong comedic style but when you look back at his work in the Batman films,you can see the dark edges of the character nicely defined. This is one of my favorite scenes in the original Batman,where Bruce Wayne lets alittle of his alter ego slip into his daylight hours(also,if there's a Legion of Doom for the new JA film,Nicholson's Joker must be in it):



My understudy for this part would be the Batman from Batman:The Animated Series,voiced by Kevin Conway(yes,animated versions are allowed here). The series was greenlighted due to the success of the Tim Burton films,so it's fitting.




SUPERMAN:SMALLVILLE STYLE

Some of you are saying"How can you not pick Christopher Reeves?!" Because EVERYONE would pick Chris Reeves,that's why. A few would even go with George Reeves,from the old school TV series or Dean Cain from the newer Lois & Clark. Tom Welling is one of the main reasons that Smallville works;he's only believable as Clark Kent but brings a refreshing humanity to the character. He's also not afraid to change things up abit. To demonstrate,here's a clip of Clark stepping to the bad side(thanks to a Red K ring) and having to be taken down by Pa Kent:



I would,of course,love to have Chris Reeve and Brandon Routh's a decent Man of Tomorrow but it would be cool if there was a Smallville movie. If the X-Files can get big screen treatment,why not?





WONDER WOMAN/LYNDA CARTER

Big shocker,not! There are not many live action versions of Diana Prince to pick from and as much I like the current animated WW on the Justice League series(she seriously kicks ass),Lynda Carter is the standard upon which Princess Diana of Paradise Island is set. She never played the character in a condescending way nor turned her into a cardboard cutout. Lynda also worked well with others,as seen in this clip with Wonder Girl as the two of them attempt to save some actors in trouble:






THE FLASH/SPEEDSTER REDUX

Yes,this is another Smallville pick but Kyle Gallner is spot on as the Fleet Footed Wonder and even tho the character was called Impulse in his latest appearance on the show,he's the go-to guy for this character. John Wesley Shipp's early 1990s primetime show attempted to breath life into the Flash but Kyle has achieved that in only a few episodes,making him a brash young punk with some good intentions:



My second runner-up here would be Flash from the current JA animated series,whose voice is provided by Smallville's Lex Luthor,Michael Rosenbaum. See what I mean about how great a Smallville movie would be?

OTHER POSSIBLE TEAM MEMBERS:




Static Shock: He's a newer superhero, Virgil Hawkins,a kid given electrical powers due to a chemical explosion in his hometown that also made a slew of superpowered bad guys as well. Teamed up with his tech buddy Richie,the two of them try to keep the peace and a regular high school life. Guy's got a way with words and heroics:






Aquaman: The Sea King's a classic character,can't really do a Justice League movie without him. The Smallville version of him is okay and I'm sure that Justin Hartley would've made an excellant Arthur Curry if the CW had given that show a chance,but I still dig the Superfriends version:






Black Canary: This is one DC superheroine who deserves a reboot,a sweet looking gal with a "Canary Cry" that can be the last thing you ever hear. She's been in the DC world for a long time and there are few versions of her outside of the printed page. The only live action one I've seen was on the short-lived series,Birds of Prey,as the mom of one of the characters. Lori Loughlin,of Full House fame,played BC and she would totally rule the roost of a JA movie:



I could go on and on but as Judge Judy says,I've got other fish to fry today. If and when this Justice League movie gets off the ground,I hope that the best of the current crop of DC all-stars are recruited. This could be another X-Men or a new Mystery Men,depending on what calls are made.

Cleaning up the Oscar aftermath

Well,we've survived yet another night of Oscar and while this year's wasn't perfect,it was certainly better than what has been done in the past. Here are some highlights,low points and suggestions for tighting up the running time:



DIDN"T SEE THAT COMING!

While it was expected that Martin Scorsese would finally take home the Best Director award that's been long overdue to him,many did not think The Departed would follow suit with a Best Picture win(particularly me!). My pick was Little Miss Sunshine,which sweeped the Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday. It was a pretty open race this time out and I'm happy to see both Scorsese and his movie get the gold.

I was sadly shocked to see Pan's Labyrinth lose the Best Foreign Film to The Lives of Others;yes,PL did get several awards,including Make-up,Score and Cinematography but that was the big one for the movie and it was total HIGHWAY ROBBERY! No,I didn't see The Lives of Others(or any of the other nominated films in that catagory)but Pan's Labyrinth clearly stood out in that crowd. Guess all that extra critical attention TLOO has been recieving lately paid off. This got me so mad that I actually booed in my living room at the TV screen.



WE'RE GOING TO LOVE HER

Thank goodness Jennifer Hudson won because I would've happily joined folks in the street in the riot that could have erupted if she had lost. They made us wait forever and a day to hear her sing but it was worth it.

She and Beyonce played nicely together,which was good. I loved Jennifer's dress but that jacket she wore on the Red Carpet didn't flatter her at all. Glad she took it off before they announced her win. For anyone who still doesn't get what the big fuss is all about,here's a side-by-side comparison of Holliday and Hudson doing "And I Am Telling You" from Dreamgirls. Hudson is not a one trick pony in my opinion. I think we'll be seeing more of her hopefully sooner rather than later:






THE FAST AND THE FASHIONABLE

One of the main reasons that the Oscars are such an annual delight is the parade of fancy dress that celebs adorned themselves with for the their stroll on the Red Carpet. While there wasn't a major mistake such as the infamous Bjork swan dress or a total stylish knockout,there were plenty of hit and misses to choose from. I know many admired Penelope Cruz's gown but the bottom half of that sucker looked like she was dragging a Muppet pelt around her all night.




Cameron Diaz appeared to have found a seamstress willing to take a piece of sailboat canvas to wrap around her. A little trim could've helped,that's all I'm saying. Jessica Biel's outfit was nice but I don't recommend keeping that cropped hair look. Speaking of hair,did Phillip Seymour Hoffman have a serious case of bedhead or what? Dude,a quick comb thru would've fixed you right up there. And what was up with Nicole Kidman? That huge bowtie thing on her collar was pretty much strangling her there.



Cate Blanchett was truly stunning,in a gorgeous metallic number that was very old school refreshed. Jennifer Lopez tried to glam it up with the metal but she sort of looked like she was auditioning for HBO's Rome. Some of the best looking ladies on the RC were Reese Witherspoon,Rachel Wiesz and Emily Blunt. Emily and Anne Hathaway presented the Best Costume award,which was appropiate due to their team efforts in the Devil Wears Prada but all that giggling they did during that bit wasn't. Have the slumber party after the show,girls,really! Marie Antionette won that prize,btw.




GORE BOREDOM

I knew that Big Al would be there to get the Best Documentary prize and cheer on Melissa Etheridge(who won the Best Song catagory,aceing out Dreamgirls) but a little of him goes a long way. That whole routine with him and DiCaprio praising how eco friendly the show was this year and Leo's "Hey,Al-do have you have a announcement to make-nudge,nudge,wink,say no more" bit just dragged the show on even longer.

It wasn't the worst time waster by far but I didn't tune in to see an Al Gore lovefest,folks. I was waiting for Jennifer Hudson to get her Oscar and sing! You want to impress me with your environmental awareness,then get a solar paneled house like Ed Begley,Jr. there,okay? I've seen his show on HGTV and even tho I don't have the patience to bike ride a generator just to make my toast,I respect the guy for practicing what he preaches.

TIME EATERS

Hey,Academy,want to know how to speed things along and keep a better running time for next year's show? Cut down on the needless tributes and fillers. Some things can not be snipped,of course,like the tribute to the dead and the Honorary Oscar but all of those clip montages of "the writer in Hollywood" and "Foreign Films of the past and present" truly butcher time. I know you have to throw in some razzle dazzle and all of that can't be dumped onto the shoulders of the host(Ellen was okay)but if you're going to do so,take a moment to put some real effort into it.

It doesn't have to be pricey or over the top;that musical skit with Jack Black,Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly was excellant. More of this,please:




That was way better than those shadow puppet people anyday. Whose idea was that?"Oh,let's hire some guys to form movie logos behind a screen! That'll be fun!"...NOT!

A BLAST FROM THE PAST

And to end this Oscar talk off right,here is a classic bit of Academy Award cheese. May I present for your viewing displeasure,the Snow White & Rob Lowe opening number that was a quite a show stopper in it's day. All praises to the YouTube!

The Amazing Race All-Stars,Top Design and A.I. voting begins

The Amazing Race All Stars edition started last Sunday,which brings back great teams from past seasons like Unchenna and Joyce and the Coalminer couple,David and Mary(Yah!). But,it also has folks that I couldn't stand,like the Beauty Queens and Rob & Amber(Boo!). The first leg of the race had teams going to Ecuador and most of the struggle was in finding the right airline. I was worried that Dustin and Kandace would resort to their usual line cutting tricks but they didn't get the chance.

Since I've only watched a few seasons of TAR,a good number of the teams are unfamilar to me such as the couple who got eliminated,John Vito and Jill. I do like Kevin & Drew from season 1;those guys are very New York and hopefully will give Rob and Amber a run for their money:




The challenge this week for Top Design was to create a living/work space for interior design students,using items bought at garage sales. The prize for the winner was first pick of a carpenter to work with for the rest of the competition. Carisa clashed with the person she had selected,particularly over a large rolling desk for the room that didn't work out and since she won the challenge,I don't think she'll work with that gal again. It was a good room even tho it didn't have enough of the storage space the client wanted.




Felica got dismissed for her take on colorful,which consisted of a grannie looking afghan and necktie fabric pasted to the wall. Speaking of Granny,Michael has such little old lady taste;the colors he used to create a"bright,happy"room looked exactly the way Judge Jonathan Adler described them-"Grape and banana"!



Ryan really deserved to be kicked to the curb,not only for his room which looked like something from the set of a bad indie movie,but his whole attitude. When he went before the judges to discuss his design,he sneered at those who would use fabric swatches and paint chips(key tools of the trade)and answered the question"do you really want to be a designer?" by saying"Only if I can make my own rules!".

Dude,if you want to be an avant garde artist,be an artist. A good portion of interior design work is creating a look and feel that's pleasing to your clients. If you want to just take off and do your own thing,there's a place for that. Just not in a field where people would actually have to live everyday in the environment you put together straight from your weirdy brain. Not everyone lives in a Tim Burton world,buddy boy!

The voting began on American Idol and the girls wowed the crowd this week while the boys went to sleep. Gentlemen,you need to step up and bring your A game here! That goes for you,too,Chris Sligh and Sanjaya. I'll give Sanjaya abit of a break,due to his age but only so far:



It was hard to chose from the ladies who was best but Lakisha Jones ended the night on a high note with her take on"And I Am Telling You". Simon was right,she totally threw down the gauntlet:



Four contestants were knocked off this week and Vote for The Worst is doing it's best because Antonella should've been sent home for that godawful rendition of "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" and Alaina's version of "Brass in Pocket" was a complete and utter trainwreck. She didn't have the voice or the attitude to carry that song off at all. Song choice is important,people. Here's a direct compare and contrast for your listening pleasure:

Alaina's Attempt



The Way Brass in Pocket is Supposed to Sound



Musical AI guests for this season were announced and we're getting the likes of Diana Ross,Gwen Stefani,Barry Gibb and Tony Bennett to help the contestants out. No Abba,as some had hoped due to a chance remark by Simon during an audition. That would have been cool. Speaking of Simon,his quips are really in top form this time. Telling Amy Krebs that she had"the personality of a candle" would be too harsh if it wasn't a teeny bit true. Ryan Seacrest's wardrobe choices are getting as weird as Paula's. That night when the guys sang,I looked at him and said"Justin from Ugly Betty called-he wants his vest back."

Random Notes:

Heroes: Now that Peter is getting in control of his abilities,he's becoming a force to be reckoned with. I hope that Claude will return for some more tutoring sessions because as guest star Stan Lee(in his usual quirky cameo) would say"With great power comes great responsibility." Simone found that out the hard way. I was watching this episode with my mom and this scene had us both saying at the same time"Cool!"



I really hope Mohinder catches on that his new partner is not all that he seems. Dude,the two of you meet up with a lady with UberEars who tells you that she first had headaches when her powers first started and the next day,she's dead meat on the floor and your buddy"Zane" is in desparate need of Excedrin. Connect the dots,la la la! We may get some answers out of Mr. Bennet next week with Matt and friends raiding the family homestead.

The Riches:I've been seeing promos for this show for awhile now(mainly because I'm still watching Dirt,why I am for the life of me,I really can't say)and may not bothering getting into The Black Donnellys since both show will be sharing the same timeslot. Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver star as the driving force of a con artist family who may have bitten off more than they can chew by stepping into the wealthy home and life of a dead man who had moved into a new neighborhood before his demise.

Here's the newest one-see for yourself and decide if Monday nights at ten should be spend at NBC or F/X this March:

Ain't no party like a RHCB party!

This morning,I went to a preview of summer titles for kids at Random House. The higlight of this soiree was getting to meet Robin Brande,whose first YA novel,Evolution,Me and Other Freaks of Nature,will be out this August. She was the one who got me an invite to this shindig and my thanks to her. It was quite an experience,especially since it was the first time I've ever been in a major publishing house(or any publishing house,for that matter!).




So,what was it like,you may ask? It was interesting and actually fun. Basically,the editors from each imprint presented the new and revived books(such as a Hilary Knight title long out of print called The Circus is Coming)and even tho they had prepared speeches,you could see the gleam in their eyes and hear the pride in their voices as they talked about the books. It's not every day that you can see someone who truly loves what they do in action,let alone a whole roomful of them.



We also had plenty of laughs,thanks to the current scrotum controversy. If you haven't heard this one,hold on to your hats,folks. The newest Newberry award-winning book,The Higher Power of Lucky,has some librarians refusing to stock it,fearing the wrath of irate parents. Seems that in the first chapter,the main character(a ten year old girl)overhears a neighbor tell someone that his dog was bitten in the scrotum. The girl then wonders what "scrotum" means. That's it.

One librarian was actually qouted as saying this book must of had a "Howard Stern" influence. Unless there was a mention of Butt Bongo,I don't think so. Maybe it's me but since when is proper terminology a bad thing for kids to know about? Not to mention that most of us have had that same experience when we were young. Plus,no one reported any complaints from parents and The Higher Power of Lucky has been out since November! First they pick on the gay penguins and now,it's open season on dog scrotums. Does PETA know about this?


The Higher Power of Lucky is not an RH title but they are carrying the audio edition,which was a welcome surprise in our gift bags at the end of the presentation. Robin was the closing act and she was great;she told a really amazing story from her life that lead to the writing of the book(I'm sure she has it on her blog,so go there to find out. I can't do that tale justice). We got to meet for a few minutes after her talk and she signed my reader's copy. Really nice to meet an internet friend without worrying about Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC showing up. I'm kidding,I swear! It was cool to meet her and if she comes to your town on her book tour,make it a point to see her and get your hands on her book. I started reading it on the way home and it's a real page turner.




If you click the title link above,you'll see the official Biblegrrl website for Evolution,Me and Other Freaks of Nature. I did grab up a few other cool books,like this one written by Michael Scott(I know it's not by Steve Carell from The Office but I can't help picturing him trying to pass this off as his in a book store)called The Alchemyst:The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel. This is book one of a series of six that already has been pre-sold in about thirty countries to date. Could this be the next Harry Potter? We shall see.

This was a great experience and my only regret is that I didn't get to compliment one of the Golden Books editors on his tie. He had the game board from Operation on it. I didn't know they made those. Too cool for school,seriously.