A Bad Austen victory dance

Awhile ago,I was shamelessly begging for votes on two writing contest fronts that had about two similarities between them;both had Jane Austen themes and each held the promise of seeing something I wrote become part of a published book.

Well,I am happy to announce that one of my efforts has borne fictional fruit. My entry in the Bad Austen contest was chosen as one of the runners-up(first prize went to the author of Real Housewives of Bath-erly Hills and my congrats to her)and this fall, Bennet Bridezillas will be part of the complete collection to be put out by Adams Media.

I'll be receiving two copies of the book as part of my prize and shamelessly encouraging all of you to buy as many as you can(after all,it should be out in time for the holiday shopping season!). Everyone who voted for my silly little sketch has my sincere whole hearted gratitude and some of my giddy joy at being selected as one of the worthy to be placed in print:





As to the Jane Austen Made Me Do It contest,unfortunately my tale of The Austen Avenger did not make it onto the list of Top Ten finalists. Nevertheless,I am also very grateful to those who voted for me there and wish the best of luck to the future winner.

That book is set to be released this October and I hope that others will join me in sending good wishes to Laurel Ann Nattress,the first time editor of this collection which includes stories by Lauren Willig,Syrie James,Stephanie Barron and Laurie Viera Rigler.

Laurel is the proprietress of the wonderful website Austenprose and a professional bookseller,so you can imagine the delight she's having over being able to offer her customers a work of her own creation. Writing collaborations are exceptionally tricky but with the right chemistry and well chosen words,it can turn into a nice piece of literary harmony:





Part of my thanks must also go to Lydia Bennet,the inspiration for my winning story and one of the silliest girls in England's literary history. While her impulsive nature did her loving family no favors(particularly when it came to Mrs. Bennet's nerves),Lydia did manage to land on her foolish feet in the end.

Another dubious achievement that can be credited to the youngest Miss Bennet is her ability to be the center of attention even when she is truly not in the picture. To pull that off in an age without Twitter or text messaging is a triumph of sorts,altho not of the best kind to be sure. Anyhow,thank you dear Lydia for paving the way for marital mania:





Last but most assuredly far from least,my thanks must be given to Jane Austen. While this small step towards what I hope will eventually become a writing career is nothing in comparison to her legacy,my wish is that it does justice to her work as well as earn a few smiles.

Jane did have a marvelous sense of humor along with her high standards of literature,so perhaps she might not disapprove of a few humble attempts to emulate her style. At any rate,my particular slice of Austen sweetened satire should be tasty to see in an actual book and not just in my eyes with any luck. Thank you all for giving me a much needed boost for my literary spirits and a lovely early birthday present as well:

A few other fictional flights of fantasy to take beyond Game of Thrones

With the much heralded premiere of the HBO series Game of Thrones last night and it's many glowing reviews(as well as unfairly negative ones,which we'll get to a little later),the pop culture spotlight is strongly focused on the more meant-for-adults fantasy section of the bookstore.

As plenty of folks will be scrambling to check out the George R.R. Martin books upon which the show is based,I thought it might be a good idea to point out a few other fresh titles in that area that are also worth a look,starting with Sherrilyn Kenyon whose newest title in her League series,Born of Shadows,is destined to arrive at a bookseller near you on April 26.

In the world of this particular series,hired assassins have plenty of work from all political sides which means limited loyalties at best. However,two unlikely comrades in arms must team up in order to achieve their mutual goals. Caillen is a solo soldier of fortune whose unexpected moment of heroism thrusts him into a sharper set of crosshairs by enemies more powerful than he knew were after him.

Desideria's duties as a royal bodyguard to her country's queen gives her ample opportunity to prove herself more valuable than the odd genetic mix that created her. Yet,when a plot to overthrow the government she has devoted herself to arises,Desideria must take matters as well as alliances into her own hands. Can these two determinedly independent warriors work together and prevent a greater evil from destroying their world?

One of the best things about Kenyon's work is that while you can benefit from reading one of her series in sequential order,it's just as easy to simply pick a title up at random and be able to swiftly dive into the universe unfolding on the pages. I haven't read any of her League books before yet starting with Born of Shadows is a most appealing prospect,indeed:





Meanwhile,this June another volume in Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel's Legacy saga is ready to set up shop. Naamah's Blessing takes our heroine Moirin home to find the royal family emotionally as well as physically tore apart by grief and the loss of Queen Jehanne.

King Daniel asks Moirin to become the protector of the queen's daughter,Desiree,a child being pulled in too many political directions. As she gauges the dangers and opportunities placed before her young charge,Moirin has a few of those of her own to deal with and hopefully choose wisely from.

The depth of her characters as well as the world in which they must navigate in are the sharpest tools in Carey's creative work kit. The allure of her writing is akin to the sensation of sitting around the hearth and drinking in the words woven by a savvy storyteller,a rare treat at any time:





If you're in the mood for a twist on historical fiction,a good guy to check out is Guy Gavriel Kay. His novels often tend to reinvent well known points in time and his eleventh one,Under Heaven,uses China's Tang Dynasty as the template for a tale of retribution in the empire of Kitai.

Shen Tai,the son of a general who died bravely in battle,is called from seclusion to claim his inheritance in person from the grateful nobility. During his journey,Shen quickly becomes the target of hired killers and a pawn in a game that he does not yet fully understand.

With the assistance of a feminine yet fierce bodyguard named Wei Song,Shen strives to gain what is rightfully his as well as survive. The book is due out in paperback in May,just in time to be plucked for your upcoming summer reading pile and what better time to discover an author whose play upon fantasy and historical reality is as graceful as a smoothly timed sword duel:





Many of the George R.R. Martin's devoted fans are setting their sights this summer on A Dance with Dragons,the very long awaited fifth addition to what has been promised as a seven book series.

The continuing saga of the Seven Kingdoms and those who fight on more than one battle ground to rule them has been so compelling than many fear a true ending won't be completed within their lifetime(or rather the author's,a bit of jinxing there if you ask me).

I know that patience is a hard row to hoe but that old saying about good things coming to those who do wait is around for a reason,people. As for those of us still discovering this story,it might be best to take this time to explore the full realm that is Westeros before getting too far ahead of the game here:





Before I take my leave,my final two cents must be spent on the badly done review for the Game of Thrones miniseries that appeared in the New York Times this past weekend. It's one thing to not like a genre strong show and another to openly disparage it as "Dungeons & Dragons aesthetic" as well as imply that sex scenes were added on to induce women into the viewing audience. I wish I was kidding but here's a quote straight from the pen of the reviewer herself:

"The true perversion, though, is the sense you get that all of this illicitness has been tossed in as a little something for the ladies, out of a justifiable fear, perhaps, that no woman alive would watch otherwise. While I do not doubt that there are women in the world who read books like Mr. Martin’s, I can honestly say that I have never met a single woman who has stood up in indignation at her book club and refused to read the latest from Lorrie Moore unless everyone agreed to “The Hobbit” first. “Game of Thrones” is boy fiction patronizingly turned out to reach the population’s other half."

There are other objections that I have with this article but the one that offends me the most is the elitist assumption that no "real" woman would ever read more than one kind of fiction that's acceptable to her peers. A true reader,man or woman,enjoys a good book for it's own sake and it's own merits. As far as sexual content goes,if you can't take the heat ,why did you step into the kitchen in the first place then?

It's a real shame when critics make themselves the dispensers of taste and insist upon their readers being lead to what they consider to be better waters. Well,I have news for you,friend-condescension and misrepresentation are not leadership skills and tend to turn off your intended audience faster than a speeding bullet. Have a care there,outside of your narrow comfort zone,if you want to make a point worth listening to:

A few good reasons to celebrate National Library Week

With so much going on in the world these days,it's not too surprising to realize that National Library Week(April 10-16)has been going on all around us without as much fanfare as the Charlie Sheen tour.

Libraries,like many of our artistic institutes,have suffered through these harsh economic times right along with us with many similar foes to face.

From vicious budget cuts to severe reduction of hours,service and materials,your local library has been working fast and furious to make as much lemonade out of the dozens of lemons lobbed their way as they can.



In that spirit,we at LRG hold up a few fine examples of the need for libraries to remain a vital part of any and all communities out there. So,if you hear someone ask,"What good is a library,especially with the internet and wikipedia,anyway?",here are some responses you can give:

Libraries are a healthy haven for kids

I'm not just talking about the children's section and story time hour(which are great,don't get me wrong),libraries are also safety nets for the more quiet in spirit young person looking for a place to belong.

Many past and future authors have libraries and their receptive staff to thank for encouraging and inspiring them to see and do more than they ever imagined. Some have even returned the favor by doing what they can to promote the cause of continued support for public libraries like Marilyn Johnson,whose recent work ,This Book is Overdue, champions this need rather nicely:





Libraries are cool hot spots

The image of those who either work at or frequent libraries has been of the geeky variety yet geek chic is fully on display even in such subdued settings. From tech savvy librarians sprouting tattoos as well as eye wear to comic strips that tout smart new reads with tongue in cheek style, reading has proven to be fun along with fundamental here.

Even the tough talking persistent reader in Julian Smith's amusing video,Reading A Book,goes to the library. Of course,he's too bad ass to "pay for the books I took" but you can't blame those librarians and patrons for steering clear of his nasty side with a snicker and a smile:





Libraries are a calm port in our stormy social world


While many of the characters in Jane Austen's novels were fortunate enough to have access to private home libraries,there was at least one young lady who needed to use an outside source for literature when her circumstances changed.

Fanny Price,the meek yet strong heroine of Mansfield Park,at one point returns from the comfortable estate of her upper class kin to stay with her distinctly different family back in Portsmouth. The trip was meant as an inducement to accept the hand of devious Henry Crawford,yet Fanny chose to improve her new home in her own determinedly subtle way.

Part of that mission sent her to the local circulating library(run by subscription payments in those times)where the books she selected for her younger sister Susan went a long way towards introducing her sibling to a gentler way in handling the world. Austen adored reading and seeing Fanny share that love with Susan makes it a truly tender moment indeed:



Libraries are a fun place to make new friends

As many literary locations are,libraries can be great for starting off good friendships or romantic relationships. One episode of The Golden Girls had Blanche accompanying Dorothy to the library,where she found something ,or rather someone, of interest right away in the reference section.

That love connection didn't turn out quite the way she expected it but it did give Blanche some fresh ideas on meeting men. Dorothy kept her mind on the business of books,as usual,altho she wasn't able to keep her cool about her major miles logged at the library for long:



So,happy Library Week for what's left of it and please be on the lookout for ways to help your local library as much as you can. They're a shining example of the best of our society and incredibly important when it comes to keeping our national dialogue and exchange of ideas alive and strong:

TC Masters' Mad Men menu,a holy man hunt on TAR and Idol can call someone else to do this song

Top Chef Masters had more than one change in their line up this week,as chef John Rivera Sedler needed to leave the competition due to an emergency(hope it's not too serious)and last week's eliminated contender Hugh Acheson came back to take his place.

For their Quickfire Challenge,the chefs made a meatball dish and they literally had to crank it out,as part of the requirement here was to choose and grind their own proteins. The special guest judge for this round was Kelis,she of the Milkshake song,who happens to be a trained chef.



Kelis certainly had plenty of thoughts about the vast variety of meatballs she tasted-I swear Floyd Cardoz was ready to throw down over her insistence that his meatball sandwich was too salty because she didn't eat the bread.

I'm with Kelis on this one;bread or no bread,if the meat's extra salty,that's going to stand out on your taste buds regardless-but she could only pick one to win. The victory and five grand for his charity went to John Currence,for his Vietnamese style chicken meatball.



The Elimination challenge had the chefs using a fondue pot to select which classic dish from the sixties they were going to make for a party hosted by Mad Men alumna Christina Hendricks and her actor husband Geoffrey Arend.

Each chef had to make an appetizer sized version of both traditional and updated takes on such dishes as beef Wellington,grasshopper pie and chicken a la king.



Some of the dishes were unfamiliar to the chefs,such as ambrosia salad which Floyd wound up with. Turns out that ambrosia salad is basically canned fruit mixed with marshmallows and cream,not the most creative concoction out there.

However,Floyd managed to put out a decent rendering of the dish but his modern improvement upon it(based on a mousse his wife loves to make)went over like gangbusters. It was good enough to land him in Top Three contention for this round.



Joining him was John Currence and his version of oysters Rockefeller which had horseradish creme fraiche along side collards and bacon. One of the other guests actually asked Christina which one was supposed to be the original,which caused a bit of good natured teasing at the table.



The winner chosen was Mary Sue Milkien,who made her new version of deviled eggs in a Japanese style using umeboshi and mustard miso mayonnaise. While it didn't exactly hit anyone's palate as "deviled egg",the tasty creativity was well appreciated.



Landing in the Bottom Three was Suvir Saran's over sized and overdone veal Oscar and Alessandro Stratta's take on bread pudding. This was a dish that he had no experience with and the judges found his chai spiced custard version to be drowning in sauce.



The one who had to go,however,was Sue Zemanick. Her duck la orange wasn't fully plated before service and the dishes that did go out were missing a couple of components which could have boosted the flavor profile.

Sue spent a lot of her time helping others out in the kitchen(which was pretty small)but at the expense of neglecting her own meal. The goodwill she showed did at least leave a favorable impression as she departed. Next week,the chefs will have to cook with critters,bugs that is-should be something to see indeed!



The teams on The Amazing Race:Unfinished Business stayed in India a little longer,taking a flight out to Varanasi where the Ganges river is. For a moment there,it looked as if Jet and Cord were going to be way beyond since they booked their tickets at an airline that arrived about an hour later than everyone else.

They were able to get ahead,however,due to another team's taking a long time to complete the Roadblock which was to find six sadus(holy men)in the marketplace and receive pieces of a puzzle to read to a seventh sadu for their next clue.

Ron chose to go off on the Roadblock and chose to walk much farther than he needed to in order to find the sadus. That extra long romp of his gave the cowboys plenty of time to catch up and ultimately caused him and Christina to be sent home yet again. Since Ron was even crankier than the last time he was on with his daughter,I'm not too sorry to see him go:





The theme was Movie Night on American Idol and the tunes were the usual batch of film related numbers with the real surprise being the theme song from the cult classic Heavy Metal. James Durbin chose wisely there,in my opinion,and his take was more interesting than Casey's overly praised "Nature Boy",which Simon Cowell in his day would have called self indulgent.

Speaking of self indulgence,we have another Sanjaya award to present this week and the best of the worst was Haley. Her less than sultry rendition of Blondie's "Call Me" made me want to put her on hold. Sorry,sweetie,but it takes more than thigh high boots and a mini dress to make this song sizzle:

DON'T CALL ME AT ANY TIME



THE RIGHT NUMBER TO DIAL



RANDOM NOTES:


GAME OF THRONES: Granted,most of you don't need another reminder from me about this show but it is starting up this Sunday on HBO and another one couldn't hurt.

I'm nearly finished with the first book in the series but that won't stop me from indulging in the deadly delights of such a promising saga at all and hopefully that will be same for those already devoted fans and new ones to come:

Our Top Five favorite superheroines before and After the Golden Age

Amongst the many new titles coming out today at a bookseller near you is Carrie Vaughn's latest novel,After the Golden Age,which takes a new twist on the superhero theme.

The leading lady of this story,Celia West,is the daughter of two of Commerce City's greatest champions for justice yet has no natural super powers of her own. While Celia has gotten used to being kidnapped by enterprising villains over the years, she prefers to lead as quiet a life as possible away from the crime fighting antics of her family.

However,her skills as a top accountant land her smack dab in the middle of a major tax fraud trial being held for The Destructor,one of the worst evil doers out there. During the investigation,Celia unearths a few secrets regarding her parents that threaten to widen the emotional gap between them and her even further than before. Can she put aside her personal feelings about the past in order to save the present day?



I've been a fan of Vaughn's writing ever since I read the first books in her Kitty Norville series and now happy to see that she's coming out with more engaging new reads outside of that saga.

In addition to After the Golden Age,Vaughn also has a YA fantasy series and a collection of Kitty related short stories,due out this August,and another stand alone novel now in paperback called Discord's Apple.

So,as a celebration of her new comic book themed novel,we at LRG present to you our Top Five list of favorite super heroines. Most of these picks are childhood based but that is precisely when it's the best time to start planting the seeds of fantasy appreciation,if you ask me. Well then,without further ado....



5) BAT GIRL

While there have been numerous versions of this best known Batman sidekick(next to Robin,that is),the one that made her early impression on me was Yvonne Craig in the campy Adam West live action series.

To me,the true Batgirl is Barbara Gordon,the spunky daughter of Commissioner Gordon who has a rather strong streak of Nancy Drew in her.

The original Barbara Gordon comic book character later morphed into Oracle,the electronic eyes and ears of a crime fighting group known as Birds of Prey which had a short run as a TV series back in 2002. Regardless of that,Craig's sparkle as Batgirl made that character a steady icon for many a gal looking to be her own hero:





4) HIT GIRL

She's a relative newcomer to the playing field but Mindy McCready,aka Hit Girl,has quite a legion of fans as well as foes trembling in her wake. Her blunt language and brutal take no prisoners policy may not go over well with everyone but this pint sized powerhouse has proven herself to be the real kick in the ass that this genre needs:





3) ISIS

Unlike the other ladies on our list,Isis was first conceived for television,namely a 1970s Saturday morning sidebar to a Captain Marvel series(titled Shazam!).

However,the folks at DC Comics eventually issued a few tie-in comics and long after the show was gone from the airwaves,the character was revived and integrated into other comic book story lines.

Isis stood out for me back then,not only as another super powered role model but one that was based on an actual figure from Egyptian lore. Giving such a mythical goddess the chance to be reborn on the small screen may have simply been a calculated commercial move but it was a good platform for this elegant ancient deity to come to life upon:





2) STORM

Picking just one of the multitudes of powerful women from the ranks of the X-Men isn't easy yet denying the power of Ororo Munroe,better known as Storm can be a foolish mistake,as many of her enemies know.

From being worshiped as a goddess to earning top position in the misfit mutant crew called the Morlocks,she's been handed leadership status time and time again for her cool head in a crisis but this is not a woman with a cold heart.

Storm's determination to use her weather control abilities for the good of others as well as help those around her in more down to earth ways is what makes this character so enduring. She's been featured in various X Men adaptations,including the popular Hollywood films,but so far no one has been able to capture that elusive energy that radiates from Storm both within and without:





1) WONDER WOMAN

No matter how long we have to wait for the right alignment of stars in the Hollywood sky to get a decent Wonder Woman film, it will be well worth our pop culture patience.

After all,this Amazonian princess has lasted throughout several decades and faced many ups and downs-Nazis, deceitful Greek gods and bad costume change decisions-and is still standing tall and proud.

To be fair,there have been some excellent depictions of Wonder Woman during that time,including Lynda Carter's iconic mark on the role as well as on the animated field in recent years.

Yet,it would be nice to see a major movie version that captured the true power and grace of the character from the comics. It could happen within our lifetime,I hold some hope. They don't call her a wonder of a woman for nothing,folks:



So,congratulations to Carrie and best of luck with After the Golden Age,now available everywhere. Hopefully,it will be climbing the bestseller lists faster than a speeding bullet. I am in no doubt that this book can herald forth more offbeat looks at the comic book world and be as electrifying encouraging to female fans as some of our more campy but beloved super sisters from the past:

A Wedding Fever Film Festival

Between the return of various bridal themed reality shows such as Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress,not to mention a certain exchanging of vows between one of the Princes of England and his lady love later this month,marriage is certainly in the pop culture air.

To keep some of this momentum going in a fictional fun way,we have a simple selection of wedding related movies to watch either on your own or with friends looking to bask in the glow of wedding fever. Our choices fall into those time honored perfect picks for any bride,a bit of something old,new,borrowed and blue(with a few special tweaks here and there,like any special occasion needs to liven things up a bit):



SOMETHING SWEETLY OLD

While Steve Martin and company did a nice job back during the 1990s remaking Father of the Bride(and it's sequel,with a change in title),the original 1950 version starring Spencer Tracy has plenty of sparkle and charm still in the bottle.

Tracy's beleaguered Stanley Banks displays an excellent balance between true despair and bemused acceptance of not only his daughter's wedding but all of the complications involved in the planning that seemed to pile up on him at every turn.

Another great excuse to see this movie is the chance to view the late Elizabeth Taylor in her bridal gown(out of respect for the recently departed,no multiple marriage jokes will be permitted),looking truly radiant even before she goes down the aisle:





SOMETHING SLIGHTLY NEW

It was tricky deciding whether Mamma Mia! should be in either the new or borrowed category since the entire soundtrack comes off an ABBA Greatest Hits collection(a plus in it's favor,I might add).However,there was more to consider for being treated as new beyond it's release date two summers ago.

The plot,based on the Broadway musical,was created to fit the songs which tells a duel story of a young bride seeking out her birth father to accompany her on this special day and her mother forced to face her past love affairs and future life. The movie is a giddy ride,much like most good weddings are,and what better way to get a party started than to rock the mike ABBA style?:





SOMETHING BORROWED FROM THE FRENCH

A tradition in Hollywood,as classic as throwing rice at a newly married couple,is taking films from foreign shores and turning them into seemingly new American movies. France is one of the more popular cinematic choices here,with a garden variety of mixed results.

However,the 1989 remake of 1975's Cousin,Cousine,simply titled Cousins is one of the better ones. When cousins by marriage Larry(Ted Danson) and Maria(Isabella Rossellini)meet at the wedding which gives them their new family ties,their significant others(Sean Young and William Peterson)find much in common as well and start their own little affair.

That spurs Larry and Maria to get some payback by pretending to be cheating with each other which makes more merry mischief. This may not seem like a romantic story but it's not too far gone from some of the hijinks that folks get into at real life weddings:





SOMETHING COMPLETELY ASKEW

As a modern day twist to tradition,I thought adding an offbeat film on this subject would be fitting and Muriel's Wedding is nothing if not offbeat. Some might easily mistake this movie as another ABBA dance party mix but they would be remiss on that score indeed.

In Toni Collette's amazing performance,Muriel is a sad yet angry soul seeking a new identity by any means possible,even if that involves betraying the first true friend she's ever had in her life as well as herself.

This story strongly showcases the down side to wedding mania by having it's main character use marriage preparations as an escape from her emotional problems,a lesson that many people out there certainly need to learn:





SOMETHING TRUE BLUE

On a more upbeat note,My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a real crowd pleaser that bridges the gap between starting a new life with the person of your dreams while staying connected to your family as much as sanely possible.

One of my favorite aspects about the movie is the relationship between Toula and Ian,a nice romance that seems to grow naturally. The bond that forms between them in their courtship phase makes Ian's willingness to jump through any hoops that Toula's kinfolk sets up for him all the more believable.

The sweetest scene,for me,is on their first date when Ian realizes that he's meet Toula before,back in her "frump" phase at her family's restaurant and is honestly delighted about it. The way he says "I don't remember Frump Girl but I remember you"is an instant fall in love movie moment:



Hopefully,a few of these flicks feed your wedding fever just right and perhaps gives you an idea or two for any real life nuptials you might be planning. A tip for those involved in preparing for an actual wedding,don't be too pushy about being in charge even if you're in exalted position of Best Friend of the Bride:

Soak in the bubbly songfest that is Burlesque

The standards for movie musicals these days are rather high,especially when audiences have been blessed with an abundance of riches in that department over the last decade or so with the likes of Chicago,Hairspray and Dream Girls.

When Burlesque hit the theaters last fall,a ton of critical bricks landed on top of it's debut,crushing it down the box office ladder(the highest rung reached was third place on opening weekend). Altho the movie was considered a clunker,it wasn't bad enough to be deemed the worst of the worst.

After watching it recently via Netflix rental,I have to say that while Burlesque is clearly not the most innovative film in this genre,it's not as awful as you might think.



Don't get me wrong,Burlesque does have it's fair share of flaws. The plot line is straight out of a 1930s musical melodrama,only slapped and squeezed into a modern day setting much like the back-up dancers of the title nightclub are into their stage costumes.

You can pretty much make a checklist of the standard old school musical cliches lined up here-small town girl looking to make her way in the big city? Christina Aquilera, check! Former diva about to lose her small yet beloved nightclub to evil business man? Cher,check!



Catty rival/star of the show on a downward spiral? Kristin Bell, check! Snarky stage manager with not-so secret heart of gold? Stanley Tucci can do this in his sleep,folks. Friendly guy destined to become love interest? Cam Gigandet,come on down! Just like our leading lady Ally finds as she first walks in the door of the Place That Will Change Her Life,everything that's about to happen is right there on stage:





Yet,all of this hokum doesn't detract you from being entertained here. Is Christina Aquilera a great actress? No and to her credit,she's not trying to be. She does know how to give a good line reading and can deliver a nice little zinger when called upon but basically Christina is just playing someone sort of like herself.

That's not a bad thing in a movie like this,especially when Cher gets to over emote in most of her scenes involving bemoaning the financial fate of her business. I love Cher but she seems too smart to really be this dense about her character's situation.

What really matters in a film like this is the music and that is where both ladies shine. Cher has only two numbers,including "Haven't Seen the Last of Me" which won a Golden Globe for Best Song,which leaves Christina doing most of the legwork here.

Since she's proven in her regular music career to have a knack for sultry songs of the past,the old school tunes provided for her on the soundtrack are a perfect fit for her vocal strengths and dancing skills:





"So we shouldn't mind a bad script if the music is worth tapping our toes to,Lady T?" No,not at all. However,when judging something like this,it is best to consider what the story's ultimate purpose is and how well it meets that goal.

Clearly,director/writer Steve Antin is a fan of the classic movie musical and even tho his script had a handful of rewrites from other screenwriters(very much like the studios back in the day did and still do),it's obvious that he intended Burlesque as an homage to those frothy flicks. On that level,it succeeds.

Most of the musicals from that period of time between the Great Depression and WWII were meant to be lighthearted entertainments,giving desperate audiences a couple of hours of relief from reality.

Some were exceptional but most were simple escapist fare and all of them delivered on the popcorn promises made when someone bought a ticket to elsewhere. While the price of a movie ticket has gone up considerably since those days,we do have similar tough times and a movie like Burlesque is merely passing the torch on to another generation that needs the same kind of cinematic succor:

THAT WAS THEN...



...AND THIS IS NOW





Therefore,if you're in the mood for bit of film fusion that mellows you out after a long hard day of dealing with the real world,Burlesque is as good a choice as any. It may not high art but it's not a terrible time waster at all. Burlesque is more like a slow gin fizz with a cotton candy chaser;it can get a little too sticky sweet at times but this cinematic concoction does carry quite a kick to it also:

Top Chef Masters returns,Mildred Pierce's restaurant romance and an Idol gently weeps

After the TC All-Stars reunion special(for which all I'm going to say is that Elia would be a better cook if she got off her high horse once in a while there)last night,a new season of Top Chef Masters began.

We have a new host at the helm,Curtis Stone, who will also be judging and unlike the previous TCM season,contenders will be eliminated each week(with donations made to their charities). Some of the chefs on board here include Celina Tio,Traci des Jardines,John Currence and Suvir Saran. A lot of faces that I don't recognize here,which is good since that should make the proceedings more unpredictable.



For their first Quickfire,the chefs went head-to-head in pairs to make a dish with two mystery ingredients and twenty minutes on the clock.

The food pairings were wackier than anything I've seen on Chopped-for example,one team had marshmallows and canned corn beef,another had sardines and dragon fruit and a couple of chefs were handed cottage cheese and frog legs.

The QF was so challenging that three of the chefs didn't manage to finish their food,an automatic loss for them. Despite having peanut butter and black licorice to work with,Traci won the Quickfire thanks to her duo of salads with one having a peanut butter vinaigrette and the other a licorice and orange dressing. Her charity,La Cocina,will get five grand for her victory here.



The judges,which include TCM regular James Oseland and renowned food critic/author Ruth Reichl,then announced that the Elimination challenge would be Restaurant Wars,something that hasn't been done on the Masters season before.

One team was made of the QF winners and the other from those who lost. Every chef had to be responsible for one dish and the winning team would be decided by the diners at each eatery.



The QF winners called their place Mosaic,with Traci taking the front of the house duties. Her bread salad was a good start to the menu and her staggered seating of the guests seemed to indicate an orderly flow of things,unlike the folks over in the next restaurant.



The other team named their restaurant Leela and Naomi Pomeroy was at the front. She choose to seat all of the diners at once,which caused quite a bit of back up in the kitchen and a long wait for food to come out.

Naomi may not be the best person to put in charge of organizational tasks but when it comes to cooking,she's clearly at the top of her game. The chocolate torte that she made for dessert knocked the socks off of everyone,even the judges who were less than thrilled with some of the dishes at Leela. Their serving of lamb arrived raw and in the salad,a piece of apple still had the label attached to it.



Despite the mixed results and slow service,Leela won the challenge. Guess the diners who ate at Mosiac weren't crazy enough about such dishes as Suvir's spicy braised short ribs with oat risotto. To be fair,the judges were divided about the risotto but loved the meat.



So,up for elimination was Mary Sue Milliken for her chocolate cake filled with lemon puree. She had trouble finding bittersweet chocolate in the TCM kitchen and decided to use what regular chocolate was available. That changed the density of the cake,causing it to be dried out.

I thought it looked like an upscale version of a Hostess cupcake myself but I would've tried it before the buttermilk berry cobbler that Suvir whipped up. That wouldn't have been the best tasting choice,since the cobbler rocked the house.



Sent home,however,was Hugh Acheson for his over salted scallop with grits. Hugh took a risk by using extra large scallops,a product that he wasn't familiar with and choosing flaky salt that overpowered the whole dish.

On the bright side,Hugh's charity Wholesome Wave will receive some money and this third round of Top Chef Masters got off to a great start. Next time,the chefs will have to update a classic dish from the sixties and the guest star will be Mad Men's Christina Hendricks,sweet!



Episode Three of Mildred Pierce had the opening night of Mildred's chicken and waffle house as the main event,with the usual amount of chaos that goes along with such territory.

Fortunately,her good friends Ida and Lucy were on hand to help and stay on in the business that turned out to thrive rather nicely. Another surprise guest was Monty,who Mildred hadn't spoken to since that weekend which lead to her younger daughter Ray's untimely death.

His re-entrance into her life was rather timely,with Monty's fortunes dwindling as Mildred's are rising enough to help him pay for his well accustomed to lifestyle. A mark in both the plus and minus columns here in Monty's favor is Veda's fervent approval and admiration of him.

The two of them seemed to be natural born allies,something that Mildred caught on to but didn't take warning from right away. Another bad step on the path to pain for our former Mrs. Pierce,indeed:





On American Idol,the contestants had to select a song from the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame,a pretty tall order to be sure.

Most of the performances were decent at best,with Jacob Lusk choosing to go with "Man in the Mirror" over "Let's Get it On",a personal decision on his part and Casey almost going with "Every Little Thing She Does(is Magic)" but in the end taking on "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" as potential interesting moments.

Over all, no one was bad enough to earn a Sanjaya this week so instead,let's shine the spotlight on James Durbin,who took his own chance by singing " While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by George Harrison.

Producer Jimmy Iovine and guest mentor will.i.am thought it might be a snoozer of a number yet James made that toned down tune work for him just fine:



RANDOM NOTES:

UPSTAIRS,DOWNSTAIRS: PBS Masterpiece airs the first of three parts of this revived version of the classic class warfare miniseries this upcoming Sunday.

The setting is still 165 Eaton Place in London,where original cast member Jean Marsh brings in a new generation of players to this stylish field during the 1930s. Those of us craving more of Downton Abbey should find some satisfaction here: