No sooner do I finish off a most formidable chunk of my Pride and Prejudice Bicentenary Challenge with Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife,then I spend a glorious night with another by revisiting the delights of Lost In Austen.
This charming British miniseries(which is available on DVD in the US) stars Jemina Rooper as Amanda Price,a modern day gal who escapes into the pages of her favorite Austen novel whenever life gets her down. That escape proves to be a mutual affair,as Elizabeth Bennet starts appearing in her bathroom and the two of them make a mystical swap,with Amanda in the world of P&P and Lizzy experiencing the 21st century.
Most of the story is focused on Amanda's adventures, as the plot lines of her beloved book are becoming topsy-turvy and her efforts to maintain the original actions of the characters only serves to make everything even more complicated than before. The cast is solid,with the likes of Hugh Bonneville(Downton Abbey's Lord Grantham) as Mr.Bennet,Alex Kingston as Mrs. Bennet and the gorgeous Elliot Cowen as Mr.Darcy.
Since this series has been out for awhile,I thought it best to highlight some of my favorite scenes and hope that you share my enthusiasm for these particular moments:
Mr. Collins Gets What's Coming to Him: At one point,Amanda agrees to marry Mr. Collins in order to save Jane from that dreadful fate. His interest in her is keenly about her alleged fortune of 27,000(her yearly salary in the real world,no doubt) but once rumors of her family's fortune being due to fish-mongering, he drops his suit faster than a hot potato. She's fine with that(and annoyed at Wickam,for spreading such a story)but when Mr. Collins starts to offer his highhanded advice,Amanda decides to literally lowball him on the spot:
A Post Modern Dip in the Pond: Amanda and Mr.Darcy do declare their love and she asks him to recreate a certain Colin Firth moment, in which he obliges her greatly. Hate to say it,but he does give that previous Darcy a run for his money here:
Amanda and Mr.Darcy enter the real world: Due to a serious injury to Mr.Bennet, the need to bring Elizabeth back is more imperative than ever and as Amanda is finally able to return home,she discovers along the way that she didn't come back alone.
His stunned expression at the future of London is amazing as well as understandable,not to mention a wonderful opportunity to reaffirm his love:
When Darcy met Lizzy: Amanda does bring together Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in time to return to their fictional world but not without a fight put up by her lout of a boyfriend. Whatever first impression Darcy made upon Lizzy at that moment, I do think she was rather impressed by the way he defended himself by not having to lift a finger to do so:
If you haven't seen this marvelous miniseries yet, I strongly urge any P&P fan to do so,post haste! There are loads of fun surprises from the Austen characters we all believe that we know all too well and a lovely romance between our modern heroine and her old fashioned hero. To round this recap off, here is a scene not available on the US version that features Miss Price singing for her supper at the behest of Caroline Bingley and it's quite the unexpected number to be sure. A perfect way to enjoy Austen,with laughter and song:
As part of my Pride and Prejudice Bicentenary Challenge for this year, My level of Darcy Disciple was most severely tested while reading Linda Berdoll's notorious Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife.
Considered by many to be the great grandmother of Jane Austen fan fiction and shunned by a number of Janeites when it was first self published as The Bar Sinister, this book has a lot to live up to(or down, depending on your point of view). Yet that did not stop me from mounting this unruly steed and attempting to ride it all the way home-yes, a bit of a labored metaphor there but not as bad as most of the ones found in this story,folks!
Let's start this off by answering the one question most Austen fans have regarding this book-"Just how sexy are those Lizzy/Darcy love scenes?" Well, they are a tad eyebrow raising,to be sure,but not as shocking as one might fear.
Granted, I could have done without the scene where Darcy reassures his bride that her "monthly courses" are far from repellant to him( a bit icky for my taste) and since the first half of the book deals with them as newlyweds, it's understandable that their passions would in full force. I could have also done without Lizzy and Darcy's mutual desire not to bathe so as not to remove the scent of each other,which is an "oh,please!" in and of itself.
What does make MDTAW amusing at times is the unintentional humor that pops up from time to time. Early on in the novel, Lydia drops by and eagerly insists on explaining what she has learned about the birds and bees from her dear hubby Wickam in such terms that make her sister Jane blush and Lizzy try not to laugh,particularly at descriptive words like "nonny-nonny" and "larydoodle"(which may be historically accurate slang,for all I know,but pretty silly sounding in any context). At that point, I thought it best to take a MST3K approach to the rest of the story:
Those are not the only offbeat bits of language that you'll see on these pages. Other expressive phrases include "torch of love","womanly portal", "virtue knot" and most diverting "pleasure garden"(that one cropped up regarding Caroline Bingley and her possible lack of it being tended regularly,if at all).
Within the regular prose of the book is the sense that certain phrases were repeatedly put in to make the story sound more "old-timey",similar to any comedy skit that has someone adding an extra "th" to the end of words to seem as if they're engaging in Shakespearean speech. You could play a drinking game with some of those words but just picking one such as "howbeit"(that is how it's spelled throughout the book) would,in my opinion, get you pretty wasted before the first fifty pages are done.
Other abuses of language include a scattering of French and Latin terms at just about every chapter which made me wonder if Highbury's Mrs. Elton was the secret editor of this story! Anyway,on to the actual plot and there are enough story lines here to provide a soap opera several seasons worth.
At one point, Lizzy and company are at the mercy of highway robbers(one of whom was dismissed from Pemberley and had an unseemly interest in the lady of the household) and she was forcibly taken as a hostage,causing Darcy to get all Kill Bill at a local inn. I don't mind some excitement added to a well known story but again, it felt like another character from Austen's world was writing this bit( a certain visitor to Northanger Abbey,perhaps?):
Other moments of melodrama include, but are not limited to, Lizzy having trouble conceiving a child,the questionable parentage of a new stable boy, two visits from Lady Catherine(one of which ends with a gun being fired),adultery and a child out of wedlock from a very surprising source. Not to mention any number of men secretly in love with Lizzy-very days of our lives around Derbyshire indeed!
Berdoll should be given credit for expanding the cast to reflect the lives of the staff at Pemberley, such as Hannah,Elizabeth's lady maid and John Christie,the stable boy with the tragic past(and questionable parentage).
While other P&P folk do make their presence known and act mostly true to form(especially Lydia and Mrs. Bennet),it was nice to find a few fresh faces amongst the crowd. Their lives are just as full of woe,most in sympathy with the family at Pemberley in a darker fashion than Downton Abbey has prepared us for:
So,do I regret reading this book? Not really. True,it did take longer than I had anticipated and my taking up it's sequel,Darcy and Elizabeth: Nights and Days at Pemberley, will be delayed until later this fall.
Despite the many flaws and odd head scratching moments(Mr. Collins is horrible but did he really deserve to drown in a pond while being chased by a swarm of bees?), you can say that this novel did pave the way for other,better continuations of Austen's world.
Think of Linda Berdoll as a literary Roger Corman,making it easier for those Jonathan Demmes and James Camerons of the genre to take their place on the bookshelves of Jane Austen admirers everywhere. After all,as Mr. Bennet would say,one of the things we as Austen fans live for is to make sport of our pleasures and allow ourselves to laugh at them in turn.
One thing that Ms. Berdoll did get right was our desire to see more of the love between Elizabeth and her Darcy,who are one of the greatest romantic couples of all time, and that alone is worth a little extra time turning the pages:
Our next nefarious offering in Bad Movie Month's The Devil Made Me Do It series is the 1997 adaptation of Todd McFarlane's comic book creation Spawn.
Micheal Jai White plays the title role here in this origin story where he starts out as Al Simmons, a special ops agent who is betrayed and murdered by his boss Jason Wynn(Martin Sheen) and upon landing in Hell, is offered a job to lead Satan's army. Quite an opportunity there,too bad he had to get past the interview the hard way!
The payoff,of course, is that in exchange,Al will be sent back to Earth to be with the love of his life Wanda(Theresa Randle). As in with all deals with the devil and most insurance claims, there is a catch in that (a) Al returns as a burned up version of his former self and (b),it's been five years since his death and Wanda is now married to his best friend Terry(D. B. Sweeney),plus they have a cute little girl named Cyan.
The family dog recognizes Al but that doesn't help him much. Part of the problem with this movie is the number of scenes that Al/Spawn has to share with either a cute kid( a little homeless boy named Zach is tossed into the mix for no particular reason) or the dog, both of which would make W. C. Fields crawl out of his grave. Not to mention the endless excuses for overblown fight/chase sequences that show off the cheesy CGI special effects available in those days:
Like any anti-hero caught between Heaven and Hell, Spawn has a good angel(Nicol Williamson,best known as Excalibur's Merlin in his final film performance) and a very naughty devil at his side to urge him towards his destiny.
The demon,who takes the somewhat human form of a short,fat obnoxious clown(kind of like a cross between John Wayne Gacy and Don Rickles) is called The Violator and John Leguizamo not only chews the scenery here, he rips it apart,gobbles it up and spews chunks everywhere.
Granted,The Violator is a popular character in the Spawn comics yet a little really does go a long way and then some. Leguizamo went through some physical pain for this part,having to squat down in a specially made suit, yet his never ending vulgar rants and torturous puns are just about as painful to watch:
The Violator's true purpose is to get Spawn to kill Wynn(who was talked into getting a special heart implant that sets off a mega load of biological bombs if he dies,not too smart there,buddy!) at the right time to start the Apocalypse.
Spawn veneers back and forth until he ultimately decides to be the good guy,which is fine but done in such a over the top Saturday Morning cartoon caper fashion that's insulting to the intelligence of the audience.
What's really sad about this movie is that HBO was airing an animated version of Spawn prior to the film's opening which captured the dark pathos,creativity and visual wonder that McFarlane brought to the readers,unlike this movie which turns the whole concept into a bad video game version of itself. McFarlane has been trying to make a reboot of Spawn for some time now,yet the studios would rather let this less than stellar PG-13 rendition stand than invest in a hard R remake,which for once is richly deserved:
More hellish hijinks next time, as Kim Basinger tries to Bless The Child. Yep, even in church, those magical little kids can be real creepy even when they're doing something sort of sweet:
Top Chef Masters begin this week's proceedings with a Quickfire that paired Goose Island beer(which seems pretty fancy,as it came in wine bottles) with curry. The catch was that the chefs had to make their curry from scratch.
The guest judge for this round was Jason Bentley,the musical director of KCRW Radio,who happens to be a big foodie. Chef Sang was familiar with him and happy to have Bentley on board in more ways than one.
Bentley chose Sang's Thai yellow curry with chicken thighs and Kaffir lime as the winning dish of the challenge. Douglas Keane was displeased at his offering being put in the Bottom Two here but even he called it a "consomme"(with coconut water,sole and mango) and that is not the same as a curry! His sous chef earned him immunity for the Elimination round,so that was a good consultation prize.
For the Elimination Challenge,the chefs were divided into three teams and told that they were to prepare appetizers for a party to be set up by regular judge James Oseland. However, Oseland had a surprise in store as he informed them that the party was to be a surprise for host Curtis Stone,to celebrate his engagement to the lovely Lindsay Price.
Lindsay was just as surprised that Curtis was in the dark about this yet was thrilled to let the chefs know what his favorite foods were(Korean BBQ,crab meat and chocolate). One team had a fifteen minute time penalty during the shopping for supplies segment,due to their sous chefs losing out in the battle portion of the show. That didn't seem to give them a major problem in completing their dishes,tho.
The Red Team, made up of Sue,Douglas and David Burke, were deemed the winners of this round and each received a nice donation to their respective charities.
Sue's curried crab beignet that had a cilantro aioli dipping sauce was a real hit with the judges and Curtis particularly appreciated the crisp yet creamy texture.
While each chef had to make an individual dish, all of them were required to collaborate on one plate and the combo for the Red Team was a Korean surf and turf. It had steak with lobster,which is not strictly Korean style,but it was pleasing to most of the crowd.
Douglas' stittake umami broth served in a shot glass and David's chocolate cheesecake pops were big hits as well. Nice going,guys!
The Green Team was on the bottom,with Jennifer,Neal and Franklin who did two dishes on his own since Jenn's lobster ravioli was so complicated that she needed Neal to assist her in order to finish on time.
That didn't help Neal out much, as his lamb kafta with peanut sauce turned out to be a big fatty mess on a stick. At least Jennifer let the judges know that he gave her that extra helping hand. Her ravioli didn't have much flavor,since the pasta overwhelmed the lobster within.
However,it was Franklin who had to go. His salmon with avocado and cucumber was fine but the pink guava cocktail he served along side it was dreadful to drink.
On top of that,the ricotta donuts he made tasted bland and there was not enough chocolate given to them(James Oseland called it a "skidmark"). Shame that the extra effort didn't make for better results but his charity(Autism Speaks) will receive a nice donation. Next week is Restaurant Wars and that is always fun to watch,so let's stay tuned for that!
The next to last episode of this season's True Blood was quite the doozy as parallel lines were drawn between Terry's funeral and Eric's liberation of the vamp camp. You have to give it to Eric,he doesn't mess around-Bill was just following in the wake of gore and destruction that his former ally(along with released vamp prisoners) was piling up in great chunks.
With Warlow not being strong enough to give his blood for protection,Bill let the vamps meant to face the sun feed on him in the nick of time and nearly faced the True Death himself there. I know I wasn't the only person watching who cheered as that weasel Steve Newlin finally got his well deserved end but letting Sarah get away wasn't too smart on Jason's behalf.
Granted,Jason is not the most savvy when it comes to battle plans but I suspect that Sarah's escape will come back to bite him sooner than expected. The finale is this Sunday and according to EW,there is supposed to be a bit of a time jump,which may or may not help Sookie and friends push their issues aside to deal with the brand new change-up in their world-daylight dwelling vampires. We shall certainly see!:
The cat's-in-the-cradle issues between Big Jim Rennie and his boy Junior came to a head on Under The Dome,as the dispute over the only remaining fresh source of water had Big Jim round up some help to fight with Farmer Ollie,who had a small army of armed men to back him up.
Junior switched sides as soon as he got the chance and for a while, his deal with Farmer Ollie seemed to be sealed as the dime was dropped on how the former Mrs. Rennie met her untimely end. Big Jim,however, was able to get all emotional at just the right time to have Sonny Boy take down his true enemy:
During this stand down, Julia had Joe take her to the mini Dome out in the woods and when she touched it, a vision of Joe repeating "The monarch will be crowned" appeared before her. Now, some are speculating that statement is referring to the butterflies being seen both in and outside of Chester's Mill(plus,Angie happens to have a monarch butterfly tattoo on her shoulder,how convenient!) but I think the real monarch here is Big Jim.
With taking out Ollie and now having Barbie kept an extra eye on him,it's no secret at this point that Big Jim is planning to be the main man in charge. That blow to his head during the recent fight with Junior reminds me of how kings in the past have been "crowned" with similarly violent blows and whatever these Dome induced apparitions are(which were not in the book,by the way), this one does sound a lot like a warning to me:
RANDOM NOTES:
THE WHITE QUEEN: The Starz series is now under way and already,the power plays are brewing as kingmaker Warwick schemes to regain his hold on Edward. There are no dragons here but a game of thrones is definitely being played:
One of my latest reading habits is to catch up on classics,old and post modern, by choosing one to be my "Morning Read" and to read at least two pages(sometimes more but never less) from it early in the day. I've completed quite a few good books this way,with the longest to date being Victor Hugo's Les Miserables,which I finished up over this past weekend.
It took me a little over six months to complete Les Miz(and yes, I saw the musical film version during that time and no, it didn't ruin the story for me at all) and when you're with a book for that long a time, it's pretty much like having a chatty roommate move in.
Hugo's epic novel was intimidating for many reasons,the length not being one to daunt me since most fans of the novel love big page turners like Sir Mix-a-lot admires the notable seat cushion of certain ladies.
One of the tricky choices to make here was in finding the right translator(I settled on Norman Denny) and when it comes to a wordy fellow like Hugo, that decision was not made lightly.
For one thing, Hugo doesn't just set the scene of a particular locale crucial to the certain part of the story he's telling,he gives you a whole encyclopedia's worth of history and background for such places as a battlefield,a convent or the sewers of Paris. Plus, he throws in a number of dueling philosophies held either by the characters or himself as the narrator which offers up a number of roadblocks to the first time reader.
However,it's all worth wading through to get to the heart of the story and when it comes to plot action, Les Miz readily sings along(no pun intended!). A lot of themes are floated around here,with the centerpiece being redemption in the form of Jean Valjean,a convict unjustly sent to prison for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his sister's starving family. The emotional portraits painted on the page by Hugo make the story seem more accessible than most of the literary scholars and big Hollywood adaptations would lead you to believe:
Valjean's attempts to live a better life,first due to an unexpected kindness from a humble bishop and later to protect Cosette, the innocent daughter of the doomed Fantine, are constantly challenged by circumstance and the constant presence of Inspector Javert.
Javert's obsession with finding Valjean guilty of something is tied into his shame regarding his family origins and in many ways, we see that he is just as much of a prisoner of his own rigid code of conduct as he would like certain others to be. One of Valjean's merits is in finding sympathy in his heart for Javert and while doing his best to avoid recapture, is able to offer the man the respect that this officer of the law would be pleased to deny him:
Amidst these two opposite ends of the moral spectrum are a host of friends,allies or potential enemies whose actions are either affected and/or by their connection with Valjean or Javert.
The sleazy con artist couple Thenardier, young street urchin Gavroche(who could give Dickens' Artful Dodger a run for his money), their feckless daughter Eponine in hopeless love with poor little rich boy Marius who is in turn hopelessly in love with the innocent Cosette,all of them and so many more characters round out the other major talking points of the plot,such as dire poverty,exploitation and the need of the young to rebel against the social order of their elders.
What most agree makes a book resound beyond it's time period is the universality of it's themes and in this age of Occupy Wall Street and the war against women,so much of this story feels as fresh as it did back in 1862. When Anne Hathaway ended her Oscar speech last year by saying hopefully in the future,the fate of Fantine(the role she won Best Supporting Actress for) would only be something in stories and not in real life, that wasn't just lip service. It would be wonderful if that was true:
While I did enjoy the musical version of Le Miz, I would like to find a good dramatic adaptation to watch as well. There's a lot to choose from but with a little searching, the best one can be found,I'm sure.
However, the best benefit that I have gotten from this lengthy reading is that now I get it when people speak about Jean Valjean in such reverent tones. His courage and determination to better himself, yet never considering himself to be better than anyone else, is incredibly admirable. Hugo also allows Valjean moments of doubt and weakness,making him a man that most of us can truly identify with and strive to be more like in our own way.
While my new Morning Read isn't as intense( Delafield's Diary of a Provincial Lady),I will still relish the calm but never forget the storm of Les Miserables. This elaborate story has much to teach all of us about dealing with life's ups and downs,not to mention giving us all a song to sing in our hearts and minds for generations to come:
Welcome once again to Bad Movie Month and our theme of The Devil Made Me Do It. Next in our devious line-up is the Arnold Schwarzenegger satanic thriller,End of Days,which conveniently arrived in theaters during the last couple of months in 1999-which some thought would be, in the words of Prince,party over.
Well, the world kept on spinning and Arnie's career started sinking with this flick that starred him as Jericho Cane, a bitter ex-cop in NYC who left the force after drug dealers wiped out his family. Keep this back story in mind,it'll come up later in the game.
His present job as a security for hire man has him protecting a sleaze bag lawyer(Gabriel Byrne) and stopping a would be assassin screaming about end times. Not too unusual for a New Yorker to encounter,but something about this particular crazy guy has Arnie getting suspicious about his new client.
Well,turns out the lawyer is earmarked to be the vessel of Satan who needs a body in order to impregnate a certain marked lady with the Anti-Christ(almost too perfect a choice there). Satan does his body snatching in the men's room of a fancy restaurant and first thing he does upon completion is to strut back into the dining room and make out with the first attractive woman he sees,which is naturally followed up by the devil strolling out as the place randomly blows up-subtle intro,wouldn't you say?:
Satan's special lady is a young gal named Christine(Robin Tunney,no stranger to supernatural fare) who was born with a certain birthmark and given the proper snake venom baptism only moments after her birth. No true bride of the devil should go without one!
Christine has lived a pretty comfy life,totally unknowing of her intended fate,except for those pesky visions that freak her out in public. As her devilish husband prepares to meet and mate with her, she gets a crude description of what's to come from a crazy guy on the subway.
Again, wacky folks on the subway,typical New York hazard ,but when they know you by name and shatter like cheap pottery right in front of you, it might be a good idea to listen to what he has to say there:
Jericho winds up protecting Christine from the forces of evil, which include Christine's former nurse who comes close to kicking his ass really damn good,dueling groups from the Vatican who either want to save or kill her before Satan has his way with her on New Year's Eve and just about every other person Jericho knows(who would've thought they were so many secret Satan worshipers in town?).
Arnie is,of course,approached by Satan at one point, who offers to bring his dead family back to life in exchange for Christine and his response is the infamous line "you're a choir boy compared to me!" Scary how true that has become for Arnie.
The rest of the movie is one endless chase scene after another, with explosives,random killings and a mock crucifixion of Jericho(No doubt,Mel Gibson was envious of that). The special effects are impressive and Arnie knows how to take a hit but the whole movie is like a bad pizza; it may be a mess but you'll still eat some of it, regardless of the stomach cramps and funny aftertaste in your mouth which will last for days:
End of Days has it's moments but this was not a cinematic epiphany for Arnold or the audience,believe you me. Join us next time, when we slither over to 1997's Spawn,who suits up for action as well as some god awful puns:
More impact from the sous chef battles on Top Chef Masters continue,as the Quickfire Challenge this week had the chefs using the scraps from their sous' sausage challenge to make a tasty dish.
Most of them didn't have a lot left over to work with but Sang's pork larb with cabbage and chilies was pleasing enough to earn his charity a sweet five grand as the winner of this round.
However,his sous chef did poorly in the sausage challenge,so he wound up with a penalty in the Elimination Challenge,along with Bryan and Neal Fraser.
The chefs were divided into three teams(yet they had to still cook against each other) to make a special dinner for the cast of Days of Our Lives. I used to watch that show as a kid and still remember the days of Roman and Marlena fondly(at least Marlena is with DOOL,hard for me to know who the rest of the actors were,it's been that long since I've seen the show).
Each group was given a theme suited to soap operas,with their choice of Sex,Greed or Murder. Lynne's sous won the sausage round,so she received immunity and her choice of which theme to tackle. She went with Team Sexy,yet her results were anything but.
Meanwhile, the three chefs who had sous penalties were at least given fun ways to deal with it. Each one was made to take a thirty minute time out during their cooking time and their enforced breaks were placed in soap opera settings.
Bryan wound up in jail,Neal was in a "coma"(they gave him a hospital bed to lie down on) and Sang was the victim at a crime scene. The guys played along with the set back and their food didn't really suffer for the most part. The cast,plus guest judges Ruth Reichl and Lesley Sutter enjoyed the meal quite a bit.
The winner of the challenge came from Team Murder. Jennifer Jasinski made a seared duck breast and served it with a citrus chili duck sausage that had a fregola celery salad.
Ruth Reichl loved it in particular,saying it was a really nice twist on the classic duck d'orange. Personally, I thought sticking the knife right in the center of the breast was a great touch,with the rest of the plate reflecting the playful gore of the theme.
Despite her immunity, Lynn's dish wound up in the Bottom Three. She insisted that her bacon wrapped duck breast was supposed to be the "snuggle" at the end of a romantic encounter but neither the judges or the DOOL cast was feeling the love there.
The plate was too rich and heavy, with the chocolate port sauce not hitting the right note. In this case ,the answer to the classic after glow question "Was it good for you?" would be a resounding no!
Up on the chopping block with her and in real danger of going home was Douglas,who claimed to be a big DOOL fan. Granted,naming his dish "Salem Sweet Shrimp with DiMera Bitter Crab" was a good ploy and it did sound very greedy,as per his theme.
The spices,however,completely overwhelmed the fish and caused several of the cast members to wince upon tasting it.
Yet, it was Odette who had to pack her knives and go. Her ravolio with egg yolk and mushroom(she had murder for her theme,so her joke was using "poison" mushrooms) was well executed but the taste was rather bland.
The judges weren't thrilled about sending her home and seemed to be blaming the DOOL cast for not appreciating the egg yolk in the middle there. Sorry,folks, but if there's no discernible flavor, no amount of technique in the world can make up for that. Odette did win some money for her charity and perhaps she'll get another shot if they do a Last Chance Kitchen for TCM.
Everyone on True Blood is pretty distracted these days,what with dealing with Terry's death(Arlene was right about his funeral arrangements,including having carnations) and Sookie considering becoming Warlow's fairy vampire bride as the price for his help to save her vamp friends from Bill's vision.
The only one who really has focus here is Eric, who is not playing ball with Bill anymore after the death of his sister Nora. Frankly, Eric would have been better suited to take the role of Lilith on earth as he has more warrior/leadership skills than Bill. One's a Viking warlord, the other was a foot soldier in the Civil War-which one would you pick to go on the attack to defend your kind?
Sarah Newlin did show some feisty fierceness in taking out that lady rep from True Blood but clearly she is not as ready to run a secretive organization as she believes herself to be. With Eric now fully loaded on Warlow blood and most likely planning a daylight raid on the vamp camp, she's going to need more than a sharp stiletto heel to save her human hide from his wrath:
While some of the adults caught Under The Dome were either in helping a local woman give birth,hunt down the murderers of diner owner Rose or making backdoor deals, teens Joe and Norrie went off to find the source of their mysterious prison.
Since the two of them have some strange connection to the Dome,they saw that as an advantage,plus Joe used his science smarts and sure enough, they found what may be the root of the town's problem.
Joe and Norrie tried to either open or communicate with the mini Dome(complete with a special egg surprise) but were deterred from their path by the appearance of a image of Norrie's mom Alice. A hologram or psychic projection,since Alice was deadly ill at the time? Not sure but Norrie was right to head on home there:
After delivering a baby girl safely,Alice's health gave out and sadly, she passed away. Norrie was able to say goodbye,but couldn't resist running to the Dome to plead for her mother to be returned.
Truly a time for sorrow,but I hope that Joe is sensible enough to alert the others about their discovery in the woods. The way things are going, more graves will have to be dug before the situation can get any better,if at all:
RANDOM NOTES:
FOOD NETWORK STAR: The votes have been cast and this Sunday, we'll know who the winner is for this season. My bet is on Damaris,with her Eat Date Love concept. As likable as Rodney and Russell are, their show ideas have been done on this network before. Damaris and her dating game approach to cooking could be that fresh breath of air FN needs right now:
While August is a slow month for all sorts of things,it is also a good time to catch up on those pop culture pleasures you've been missing out for most of the summer.
However, if your budget doesn't allow for hitting the nearest multiplex(or those blockbuster films you wanted to see are no longer at a theater near you), the best solution is to pick up a solid read that fits into the genre you were in the mood for.
For example, feel like an action adventure/thriller type of flick? Recently released at literary ports of call is Daniel Silva's The English Girl, which is overflowing with international intrigue.
The gal of the title is Madeline Hart,a rising star amongst the young politicos in Britain who vanishes during her summer vacation on the island of Corsica. At first, her disappearance is big news but as interest begins to fade away(along with any clue about what happened to her), a ransom demand is delivered to the home of a major adviser to the Prime Minister. The demand also includes a video where Madeline is forced to reveal that she and Prime Minister Jonathan Lancaster have been having an affair,something that would affect politics and the nation,not to mention the PM's wife.
Calling in a favor, somewhat retired Israeli spy Gabriel Allon is tasked to find the girl before the deadline of seven days is up. Gabriel takes the job but soon becomes more concerned about Madeline's safety than her lover seems to be. I happen to be reading this right now and it's quite the rollicking ride. For a fast paced and smartly written thriller, The English Girl is a mental matinee worth attending:
For those seeking a historical drama or an epic film,Philippa Gregory's series of novels about the War of the Roses(aka The Cousins' War) have become the basis of a miniseries airing on the Starz channel this month.
If you don't have Starz,however,that doesn't mean you have to miss out. Three of the books in the series are readily available in paperback and you should start with The White Queen,which covers the life and times of Elizabeth Woodville,whose unlikely marriage to conquering king Edward IV of the house of York sparks much of the drama to come.
Then,you should follow up with The Red Queen that features Margaret Beaufort, whose path to power is blocked by Woodville's ascension and believes that it is her divine destiny to place her son Henry Tudor upon the throne of England.
The third book added to the miniseries adaptation is The Kingmaker's Daughter and that showcases Anne Neville,whose sister Isobel is manipulated by their ambitious father into marrying Edward's brother George.
Anne becomes the wife of Richard III and hopes to find some peace but all too soon,the power plays by the men in her life leave her with very little chance of that.
There are other titles in the Cousins' War saga to enjoy as well(Lady of the Waters and The White Princess) but this triptych of regal ladies making their own moves in the warfare that their noble men engage in makes for quite the battle royale:
To satisfy those cravings for superhero fare, Carrie Vaughn offers an engagingly unique look at the genre in After The Golden Age. The heroine of this story is Celia West, the daughter of Commerce City's two greatest heroes,Captain Olympus and Spark, who was born without any super powers.
While growing up in the shadow of her parents(not to mention favorite hostage of super villains and mega criminals),Celia's career path as an adult goes to the seemingly mundane realm of forensic accounting. By staying out of the super power spotlight, Celia hopes to find some sort of normal life on her own terms.
Her keen skills with numbers,however,brings her back into the family fold as her parents' most deadly opponent,The Destructor, is on trial for tax evasion. Celia's reluctant role in this case threatens to open up a can of personal worms but more secrets regarding the true origins of her parents' powers are on the verge of being revealed as well.
I've talked about this book before and if you haven't read it yet, now is the time to do so. If anything,it'll give you and your comic book buddies something other to discuss than which movie was more violent,the latest Wolverine or the newest Superman:
So, even if you do manage to see a summer movie or two before September is upon us, there are still plenty of good relaxing reads that will entertain you just as well. At the very least, you'll have a lot to share with your book club once this season is over or for that "What I Read This Summer" book report in the fall:
Since my sister Stephanie celebrates her birthday in August, part of my gift to her is to let her pick one awful film for me to highlight during Bad Movie Month and this year's Sister's Choice feature is Godsend, a 2004 thriller starring such big guns as Robert De Niro,Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romjin-Stamos.
Greg and Rebecca play Paul and Jessie,an upscale couple considering trading in big city life for the suburbs just as their young son(Cameron Bright) is turning eight years old. Paul is a high school biology teacher,Jessie is a photographer and the first act showcases their currently shiny happy life.
With such a set-up in a horror movie, you know that tragedy is not far around the corner as Mom lets her little boy play outside as a huge death car comes barreling towards him:
As Paul and Jessie are slowly digesting their grief, in comes the Mad Scientist,aka Dr. Richard Wells who just happens to be one of Jessie's old college professors. Quite a coincidence,eh?
Dr. Wells offers the couple his sympathies and a chance to get their son restored to them,thanks to a secret cloning process being tested out at his high tech fertility lab.
Of course, they have to go into a Witness Relocation type of plan and let the allegedly good doctor give them a fancy new house in the burbs,plus a new job for Paul and other bonuses,which would make even a mourning parent wonder how this can all be instantly provided like this without any ties to the government or a multimillionaire plotting to create a secret army out to conquer the world. I know that doctors make a good living there,but this is ridiculous:
So, little Adam 2.0 is born and everything is hunky-dory, with the not-so-good doctor being part of the family circle as "Uncle Richard"(serious warning bells are ringing here,folks).
As soon as New Adam turns eight,the happy times start coming to an end as clone boy starts having nightmares involving a burning school house(which he also draws pictures of,in typical creepy kid fashion) and acting out by spitting on his classmates. More alarm bells going off!
With Adam:The Next Generation getting more and more unstable,daddy Paul starts to ask pesky questions of "Uncle Richard" who keeps insisting that night terrors are no big deal and that there was no way to tell how Adam was intended to develop beyond age eight,which Paul doesn't quite buy and I don't blame him.
Granted,night terrors are tricky but they don't explain why a kid would dream about burning schools and being drowned in a bathtub which didn't happen to them in their previous incarnation,not to mention answering to a whole other name during his scary little trances! At this point, enough warning bells are ringing to wake Helen Keller up from the dead,seriously.
When one of New Edition Adam's school mates dies from a mysterious "accident", Paul turns detective and discovers that "Uncle Richard" had himself a wicked little boy who burned up(after offing his mom,in the very house given to them by Dr. Wells, another amazing coincidence!) and decided to bring him back by piggybacking his dubious DNA onto their Adam reboot.
One of the biggest flaws in this film is that it's all set-up with very little payoff. Adam seems to be both victim and menace,with Dr. Wells as his Frankenstein father figure and that should be worth a decent scare or two but the story keeps meandering along towards a major confrontation between Paul and Papa Doc that fizzles out towards the end,with a so-so ending that feels like a cheat.
Adam is stopped from his intended evil ways but only after Paul manages to quickly recover from a serious blow to the head that knocks him out while trapped in a church set on fire by devious Dr. Wells(so not kidding about this) to rush home in time to save the day.
Turns out that several endings were filmed, with only one that I saw on the extras that made any sense,given the plot points arranged beforehand. Not that it would have helped make the finale better by much,yet it would have at least raised this from a go-nowhere scenario to a creepy almost-ran:
This movie was so forgettable that my sister had to actually remind me of our mutual opening weekend viewing of it(she was not forced to see this,it was her choice!). Just as well, even re-watching this sucker made me regret reliving this all over again. I know that Cameron Bright has a bit of a following these days,thanks to his role as one of the Volturi in the Twilight movies, but I would urge his fans not to bother with this one. I'm sure even he wants to forget about it.
Well, my sister's birthday is tomorrow,so I will be celebrating with her and hope you will tune next time when we return to our The Devil Made Me Do It theme to explore End of Days with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Good old Arnie battles Satan in NYC while offering up some nutritional tips that might even impress the current mayor of that fair city-hey, you are what you eat!:
Welcome once again to Bad Movie Month, that special part of the summer devoted to the best of the worst(in my opinion,anyway) and our theme this year is The Devil Made Me Do It.
Who then better to start this party off right than our modern day master of horror Stephen King,with a look at the 1993 adaptation of his less than stellar scare fest,Needful Things. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big SK fan but you have to admit that some of his books are not up to the same high bar of horror as others.
Needful Things is set in Castle Rock, a favorite small town setting of King's, and the book's subtitle was "The Last Castle Rock Story", which gives you a hint as to how the plot of this story is heading down a direct path of self destruction.
That road to hell is laid down by a newcomer in town, Leland Gaunt(played by the brilliant Max Von Sydow) who opens up a specialty shop on Main Street where,as if by magic,those perfect items that you've always wanted are on sale but oh, how high the price can be....
The basic deal is that locals are matched up with the perfect object(a baseball card,a high school jacket or a pendant that wards off pain) and along with a very low amount of cash, the purchaser has to perform a "deed"-play a trick on someone else in town.
The real trick is that these pranks are meant to light a match to the powder keg feuds amongst the locals,such as nasty Wilma the turkey farmer vs. poor on the verge of madness Nettie Cobb(played by Amanda Plummer in her usual wacky lady style). Sounds like a great concept, right? Well, the book was overdone enough as it was for this set-up and I even reread it before seeing this movie again, so I can honestly say that sticking close to the source material wouldn't have helped much here.
The main problem with Needful Things is the overbearing need of the director Fraser C. Heston to overstate the obvious. For example,the opening credits music is pretty "Duh-na-DUM! EVIL!" as Gaunt enters town and despite having a few good actors like Bonnie Bedelia and Ed Harris on board, the entire cast indulges in one of the worst theatrical sins out there,overacting.
Since the director happens to be the son of THE Charlton Heston, his threshold for over the top performances was probably stronger than most of us,perhaps he even developed an immunity to ham handed shouting and overwrought emoting that passes for performances(kind of like watching the graduating class of SNL's Master Thespian put on a show) here but it's pretty hard on the rest of us.
Let me highlight a pair of scenes as an example of what I mean. Leland Gaunt sends Nettie out to play a prank on irate town selectman Dan"Buster" Keeton(J.T. Walsh) as payment for the figurine she bought to replace the one her abusive husband broke that caused her to kill him(a lot of back story,I know). While she's doing that, another fella in Castle Rock is paying for his precious purchase by going after poor Nettie's dog,the aftermath of which will appear shortly.
Nettie slips into Buster's house and proceeds to decorate the place with traffic tickets allegedly written by a local cop that he had a fight with earlier and since Buster has been a naughty boy lately,due to his gambling habit, he's bound to get extra upset over those little pink slips. Nettie's impromptu vandalism has been given the subtle background music entitled "In The Hall of the Mountain King", making her posting of tickets accusing Buster of such activities as stealing and violating his mother that more wickedly whimsical, in theory:
Right after that number, Nettie goes home to find her beloved pet dead and immediately heads off to avenge his death. As planned, she believes her old hate buddy Wilma is responsible while that charming lady thinks Nettie is to blame for wrecking her house and the two of them have a knock down fight to the finish,all set to the tune of "Ave Maria." Personally, I can see going to knives over a pet but taking someone out because of a broken microwave? Not much of a battle cry to rally around there:
Things get even gruesomer from there, as more and more folks in town chose to use their fists instead of their words,especially with guns in hand(the clergy not exempted) and soon enough, the whole town is attacking one another in the streets as stuff begins to blow up. To be fair,the bomb setting is from the book but it seems to be mainly as an excuse for more mindless destruction in both cases.
Ed Harris plays the sheriff who stumbles upon Gaunt's plan but doesn't do much to stop it other than to make everyone cease rioting for a minute to hear his lecture on bad behavior before crazy Buster shows up strapped with explosives to blow everything up real good. One thing you can count on in this movie is that someone will go wacky and start speechifying and J.T.Walsh goes at it with enough relish for a mountain of hot dogs.
The only saving grace in this unholy mess is Max Von Sydow,who is a great choice for any sort of bad guy roles. Granted, he waltzes through his part with lines like "Don't blame me, blame the bossa nova!" and "You're disgusting, I like that in a person" yet at least he makes an effort towards some subtlety,not much but the effort is appreciated:
Originally, this movie was supposed to be a three hour deal( TNT aired that extended version once upon a time) and some claim that the extra hour would make up for all of the loopholes in the plot but I think not.
The incredible amount of stagy acting and awkwardness in this production,such as a temptation scene between Bonnie Bedelia's diner owner suffering from arthritis and Gaunt,which forces her to wear lingerie and get all worked up when he slips a magic necklace on her, is painful enough.
Needful Things has fallen so out of the Stephen King film pantheon that you can't even find it on home video anymore( I had to watch online) and it's doubtful that even the most creatively desperate out there in Hollywood will try to remake this. It might have made for a good miniseries or a made for TV series,much like the current success of King's Under The Dome this past summer, particularly since the production values present onscreen feel like a cheesy TV movie.
So,basically, when it comes to Needful Things, it's like any deal with the devil; he gets the better end of the bargain while you're feeling as if you've sat through a small slice of hell. Tune in next week for more devilish cinematic torments,including a special Sister's Choice feature(happy birthday,sis!) and if you do wander into Needful Things, be sure to save your receipt as well as your soul:
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