A quick once over of this year's Grammys

Yes,the Grammy Awards were held this past weekend and while I only watched the last hour and a half(had a couple of other shows to check out first),that doesn't mean that I don't have a few things to say about it.



The show seemed to go along without any major mishaps,apart from Christina Aguilera's slight stumble on stage(I like Christina but she's on her way to becoming the Chevy Chase of pop if this keeps up).

Arcade Fire was so stunned that they won Album of the Year that they went right into an unexpected encore performance and it was nice to see such genuine joy,even if you aren't one of their fans. As for the rest,here's a rapid rundown of what particularly caught my pop culture eye:


BEST RED CARPET ENTRANCE

Lady Gaga's arrival to the Grammys in a giant egg being carried on the shoulders of her musical minions was the most spectacular celebrity entrance that I've ever seen for any awards show. Say what you will about Gaga,she knows how to be a show stopper before the show even starts:





BEST PERFORMANCE THAT I MISSED

One of my few regrets in tuning into the Grammys late was not seeing Cee-Lo Brown in full Elton John Muppet Show gear performing his infamously fine song "F*** You" with a special guest appearance by Gwyneth Paltrow to boot.

It was amusing whenever Cee-Lo's tune was mentioned during the nominations to hear it be referred to as "The Song(Also Known As Forget You)"-granted,the true title is not FCC approved but this sounded like an alternate album title by Prince here. Anyway, this was a fun number to behold-better late than never,I guess:





BEST PERFORMANCE THAT I DIDN'T MISS

During an early commercial break,I did get to see Lady Gaga emerge from her egg and belt out her new single "Born This Way",the title track to her upcoming album this spring.

The song itself is receiving a mixed reception and while I agree that it's a bit of a melodic Madonna era muddle,the onstage antics that accompanied it were greatly entertaining. From the serious hair whip action which gives Willow Smith a run for her money to the fried egg hat and scary shoulder attachments,Gaga was truly in her glory. My favorite part was the tip of the hat she gave to the Phantom of the Opera towards the end:





BEST SURPRISE WIN

Plenty of people were stunned when Esperanza Spalding was given Best New Artist,an award that has been a blessing for some and a jinx for others. Considering that Esperanza appears to be an exceptional jazz singer,this sounds like a well deserved honor for her.

While many of Justin Bieber's fans,including Kayne West,were not happy about this(and shame on you to those who hacked Esperanza's Wiki page),they should take heart-after all,he's incredibly young and if Beiber manages to grow artistically beyond the teen idol stage,other awards await him in the future.

In the meantime,do the mature thing and give this talented young woman a listen. You may be pleasantly surprised,indeed:





BEST MINI-SWEEP

Lady Antebellum did better than expected,taking not just the Country categories by storm but also winning Record and Song of the Year as well.

I know that "Need You Now" may not be the most hip song out there but hey,sometimes a sweet slow sad love song that's not depressing is just the tuneful ticket. A good song covers all of the genre waterfronts,if you ask me:






So,we've had our big music moment on the award show circuit and now all of our precious pop culture attention can be tuned into the upcoming Academy Awards(and their other sister ceremonies).

One artful aspect of the Grammys aftermath will definitely be the fierce fashions on display. It's been awhile since the Oscars have had a major outfit alert and based on the garb many of the songstresses wore that night,clearly the Academy's red carpet is on style notice.

Designers and personal stylists don't fumble this crucial fashion moment! Rev up your flair and let the gorgeous gown games begin!:

Shamelessly begging for Jane Austen Votes II:Electric Book-a-loo

We interrupt your regular LRG blog reading to announce that voting is officially open for the Jane Austen Made Me Do It short story contest. As some of you may know,part of my continuing quest to someday be a published writer currently involves two writing contests with Jane Austen themes(more about the other one in a moment)and yesterday began the start of the JAMMDI race.

The top prize in this competition is $500 and having your story included in an upcoming Austen story anthology this fall via Ballantine Books(an imprint of Random House).

Some of the other authors who have already contributed tales include Karen Joy Fowler( The Jane Austen Book Club),Stephanie Barron(Being A Jane Austen Mystery series),Lauren Willig(Pink Carnation series)and Laurie Viera Rigler(Jane Austen Addict books) Being added to such a roster is a literary dream come true,folks,so I humbly ask for your help in this matter.

There are 87 stories up for voting between now and February 28;You can vote for up to three stories and reader votes will determine the Top Ten finalists,who then will have their stories looked over by the RH editors as well as Laurel Ann Nattress of Austenprose(she's the official editor of the anthology)and they shall select a winner. My best chance at this lies in asking for as many votes as possible from all and sundry,so hence the contest campaigning that I am engaging in,forthwith:






My story for JAMMDI is entitled "The Austen Avenger",which has a modern day leading man who is all too familiar with comic book heroes yet discovers a very different sort of super heroine,one that prefers closed bonnets and long coats to a cape and tights.

Whether or not this mysterious doer of good deeds is truly Austen inspired,one thing is certain-she endeavors to make the kindly meant virtues as well as the lively spirit of Our Dear Jane save civility in this hectic fast paced age of ours.

The Austen Avenger's actions are in line with what many of our favorite Austen leading ladies are known for-matchmaking,speaking up when necessary and trying to make things right that seem to be going wrong:





Meanwhile,voting is still underway in the Bad Austen contest,which will pick eighty winners for a published collection of their parody works also to be published this fall by F+W Media. The entry that receives the most votes wins a cash prize of $250 along with being included in the finished book.

My thanks to those who have already voted for my snarky snippet,"Bennet Bridezillas",and advance gratitude to those who will vote for it soon. March 1st is the deadline,so not only can you vote for me but send in your own smartly silly character study as well:



Tomorrow,we will go back to our regular pop culture coverage but please stay tuned for updates on my Jane Austen contest status. Don't get me wrong,folks-I have no delusions about either competition launching me onto an instant literary superstar level. All I want is to have someone out there in the publishing world be willing to take a chance on me and my writing:

The Oracle of Stamboul sparkles with storytelling magic

Michael David Lukas' debut novel,The Oracle of Stamboul,begins in the year 1877 as Eleonora Cohen is being born in the town of Constanta under some rather auspicious signs. One of those is the arrival of a flock of purple and white hoopoe birds,that seem to herald her destiny wherever she goes.

Raised by her devoted father,Yakob,and stepmother/aunt Ruxandra,Eleonora is for the most part a happy child except for the fact that Ruxandra insists upon discouraging and even concealing her strong intellectual skills.

When Yakob has to travel to the country of Stamboul as part of his rug trading business,Eleonora is so upset at being separated from her father for such a long time and makes plans to stowaway on board his ship:





Eleonora's scheme is successful and while for a time she and her father are happy together in Stamboul,a tragic accident parts them forever. While taking refuge in the home of her father's business partner Moncef Bey, she is allowed to mourn as well as pursue her love of learning.

Soon,her advanced intelligence draws the attention of one of Bey's associates,Reverend Muehler, a teacher at a local boys' academy who offers to tutor the clever eight year old. While he did expect her to be an attentive student,Muehler soon realizes just how powerful Eleonora's mental abilities are:





The Reverend's interest in Eleonora's education,however,is not wholly altruistic. Using his position in the household to spy on Moncef Bey for more than one government,he makes her savant like skills known to the Sultan and his advisers,who have Eleonora visit the palace to demonstrate.

Despite her initial nervousness,Eleonora is more than capable of giving the Sultan some sound advice on a troublesome political matter. Her reputation as a vast fount of wisdom soon spreads and before long,Eleonora is placed at a crossroads by several parties and must make an adult choice regarding the direction of her future life.

The real charm of this novel is in the alluring atmosphere created by Michael David Lukas for his characters to spring to near mythic life in. From the descriptions of the city of Stamboul to the details of a beloved novel called The Hourglass that influences Eleonora's life,The Oracle of Stamboul weaves a spell of old world enchantment and engrossing story telling. At times,the book reads like a well loved fable that has been lovingly retold from one generation to the next:



I'm not only happy to recommend this delightful novel but to be one of the stops on it's blog book tour as well. Following in the steps of Booksie's Blog,A Book Blogger's Diary and We Be Reading,from here you can check out more reviews at such places as Life is Short,Read Fast today and tomorrow at Melody & Words and Rayment's Readings,Rants and Ramblings. A fun way to know more about a great new book and check out a few other interesting blogs as well.

The Oracle of Stamboul is a sweet revelation to unfold and a true promise of more to come from this talented new author. The heart of the book is the journey of heart and mind that young Eleonora undertakes to find her destiny and true happiness. She is quite the classic heroine that girls of all ages will want to become:

Love, Sitcom Style

With this being Valentine's Day weekend,many of our pop culture thoughts turn to topics of love and romance in all of it's forms.

As a much needed comic relief on this subject for some of us, I have gathered together a array of appropriately themed clips from a few of my favorite sitcoms that should make for a nice mixed media box of chuckle worthy chocolates. My version of a funny Valentine,if you will.

After all,laughter is an attractive quality in a mate and the misunderstandings of love make for great funny fodder in any standard sitcom story line,so you could say that these two were meant to be together in a strangely silly sort of way:



A LOVELY LOONY ODE TO TRUE LOVE

On Reba,while the former Mrs. Hart was trying to avoid making a Valentine's Day commitment to her current boyfriend,son-in-law Van was suffering the slings and arrows of taking his stingy father-in-law Brock's advice about not splurging on gifts for his wife.

While Van wasn't able to grab a good gift in time to keep up with Brock,who unexpectedly treated his new bride to a holiday themed present,he managed to top him by writing Cheyenne a poem that came straight from his heart. That off the cuff ditty is also an amusing display of Van's unique way with words as well:



SISTERLY LOVE GOES WRONG

During the teen years for Becky and Darlene on Roseanne,the eldest Miss Connor did try to help her younger sis with her budding attempts at romance. There were a number of hilarious hold-ups along the way,such as their mother's constant crabbing about Dan forgetting her on Valentine's Day and that the boy in question was really interested in Becky to begin with:





ROSE'S RAUNCHY RESERVATIONS

One of the best bits of advice to remember on Golden Girls is "don't let Rose plan any events!". While she always meant well,the St.Olaf sweetheart tended to pick the worst places to celebrate(Dorothy's birthday party at the Ha-Ha Hot dog Hacienda springs to mind) or take trips to.

When Blanche,Dorothy and Rose decided to spend Valentine's Day weekend at a secluded resort,a certain somebody didn't read the section of the brochure that explained that it was a clothing optional setting.

Granted,Blanche seemed to get into the spirit of things but even she blushed when the three of them choose an inopportune moment to follow the hotel's dress code:



A MEAL OF MUTUAL APPRECIATION

A Valentine's Day themed episode of Frasier had dad Martin and home therapist Daphne spending the holiday together in a platonic restaurant outing since neither of them had significant others at the moment. While they each took turns in cheering the other up about their lack of love interests,it was hard for the two of them not to quarrel a little about their manner of making someone feel better:





I hope these sweetly silly scenes put you in the mood for a marvelous Valentine's Day and whet your appetite for love.

Speaking of appetite,take it easy on the holiday candy,folks. Even if you stock up on the day-after specials,those goodies can gain some giddy and giggle worthy momentum on you:

TC All-Star's Fallon feast,Worst Cooks face their fears and Idol audtions reach the end of the road

This week's Quickfire challenge on Top Chef All-Stars didn't have a special guest judge. That was due to the other chefs being made to vote on each other's dishes via secret ballot. No one was allowed to vote for themselves,naturally,and while immunity is no longer available as a prize,the winner of this round was awarded a trip to Napa Valley.

Making fondues was the task assigned,with creativity strongly encouraged. Dale won for his Pho fondue served with beef and bread,which caused a little grumbling in some quarters(Richard,I like you but calm down with the ego fits,seriously!).



Next,everyone headed off to the set of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to learn about the Elimination challenge. The chefs were brought on stage during a taping of the show and had to play a game of Cellphone Shootout to find out what dish they would be making for Jimmy's birthday lunch with family and friends(not to mention the judges).

Bourdain took a break here and Judge Gail sat in on this round,which was nice to see. As much as I enjoyed her on TC:Just Desserts,it was good to have her back in the regular Top Chef game.



Antonia wound up with beef tongue,a meat she's not familiar with,and there was the expected tension about how well the dish would work. Turns out that she hit a home run,thanks to a suggestion from Richard on the cooking technique. It was served with pumpernickel rye and a dill slaw that delighted all assembled.



Angelo joined her in the winner's circle,for a pulled pork sandwich with a rather tangy sauce. He made a rub out of coffee,allspice and chipotle that could've been a hot mess but adding some dill to the mix seemed to balance that combo out tastily.



Victory was granted to Carla for her chicken pot pie that she was incredibly enthused about making. Not only did she win a special guest cooking spot on Jimmy's show,Carla was given a trip to Tokyo as well. Nice going,Carla-hootie hoo!



On the bad news side of the menu,Dale thought it was a good idea to serve his Philly style cheese steaks on a pretzel roll. Unfortunately,that decision provided a platform for the "salt monster" to attack the palate of all who dared to eat it.



Sharing that sad spot on the bottom with him was Tiffany,who made a less than traditional version of chicken and dumplings. Jimmy wanted something more like his grandmother would have served,not a "this isn't your mother's" type of spiced up watery plate.



Being handed his knives and asked to go was Fabio for,believe it or not,screwing up a burger and fries. Granted,melting some cheese for an optional sauce on the side was a decent idea but you have to do it right!

Another not wholly bad concept was mixing more than ground beef into the burger yet Fabio put so many different cuts in that the result was more of a meatloaf sandwich. Plus,he planned to make it like a meatball,which is a culinary cousin of a hamburger but a different beast altogether.

Next time, some of the Muppets from Sesame Street stop by (yes,Elmo,too)and tensions rise at a Target themed challenge. Tune in for the tasty,folks!



The theme of the latest round of Worst Cooks In America was dealing with food fears and that started off with the recruits learning how to make sausage. Chef Anne and Robert Irvine did another duo demo for their teams and then had their groups make and cook their end results.

They did well for the most part,yet Ty on the blue team added way too much salt to his meat mix and endless joke making opportunities about sausage being made as cleanly as possible for a family friendly show:





The Main Dish challenge had each team work with a seafood item to prep and cook,plus a side dish featuring their least favorite ingredient. Some of those dreaded foods included cauliflower,brussel sprouts,eggs and okra. In other words,the usual suspects on the "Do I hate to eat that?" list.

Chef Anne had her crew make stuffed,braised calamari but one of them got a off putting surprise as she cleaned her fish. Kat found a partly digested sardine in one of the calamari and dropped that nasty sucker onto her carving board in shock. However,she didn't think to clean off her workspace and the fish funk worked it's way into her dish,which earned her a ticket home:





Irvine's crew had to sear sea bass,which went well for the most part. The side dishes are what tripped up a few people,namely Ty. He's a nice enough guy but had trouble in remembering to follow the recipes and use the right pans.

His okra ratatouille was prepared in a pan that was too small and the okra came out raw. That and the fact that his sauce was far from being reduced properly also took him out of the running.

Both teams are now down to two on either side,so the finale is getting close at hand,folks. Too soon to call it,but I am rooting for Chef Anne's team to take the win again:





American Idol wrapped up their auditions in San Francisco last night and Hollywood Week begins tonight. Steven Tyler is really overachieving in his role as the male Paula on the panel with his horndog antics but he has given some pretty strong critiques to the potentials here. That sort of balances things out,for me at least.

In the Bad Singer Follies,we have both boys and girls being represented. First up is Inessa,a pretty perky in pink gal who's a superstar in her own mind. Her ambitions do her some credit but cutesy only gets you so far,sweetheart:



For the fellas,we have Drew who showed in his homemade Transformers costume. The outfit really did morph and the guy even carried around a set of front wheels for the car mode. He may not be a hit at AI but Drew should certainly wow the crowds at the next Comic Con there:



RANDOM NOTES:

CHOPPED ALL STARS: Starting in March,many of the judges and a few FN headliners will be faced with mystery baskets to win money for their favorite charities. For a few of them,the phrase "eating your words" may come back to haunt them-so looking forward to this!:

Can't we get any better conflicted romantic couples in pop culture land?

With Valentine's Day weekend on the horizon,you'd think there would a good number of romantic themed flicks arriving at your nearest multiplex on Friday. However,the only new option out there is Just Go With It,starring Adam Sandler as a dentist who pretends to be unhappily married in order to score with the ladies.

When Sandler finally meets a woman who actually finds the notion of dating a married man repulsive(and she happens to be outrageously beautiful as well),he then switches gears and convinces his work assistant(Jennifer Aniston)to stand in as his soon-to-be ex-wife.

More hijinks ensue,as a pair of fake kids are added in and no doubt Sandler and Aniston will wind up together by the end credits. Is it just me or is this a lame concept? While I know that romantic relationships on screen are meant to have some kind of conflict so that the story can stretch out for at least an hour and a half,this sounds so stupid and sleazy.

The adult antics on display here makes the animated Gnomeo and Juliet(also due out this weekend)look like a bastion of maturity. I'm sorry but this is one romcom outing that I refuse to go along with:





Whether it's a comedy,drama or action fantasy,any couple drawn together by love should have a pretty reasonable,not to mention creative,reason that these two are not able to become one. My standards may be high but there are great examples of conflicted lovers on film that have raised more than one bar in this genre.

To start with,Rhett and Scarlett from Gone With The Wind are truly two of a kind but something always manages to get in their way-husbands,mourning periods,the Civil War.

What really keeps the two of them apart is Scarlett's insistence on loving Ashley,a man who she thinks makes her a better person for wanting to be with. Equally,Rhett believes that his persistence will win over Scarlett's obsession with Ashley. Their mutual delusions ultimately end to a bittersweet lesson learned;you don't know what you've got until it's gone:





Joe and Kathleen in You've Got Mail are in a very modern take on the meet-cute,as the two of them are rival bookstore owners who happen to be each other's anonymous e-mail pen pal.

Their outward mutual dislike is altered when Joe realizes who Kathleen really is and tries to alienate her at first,yet can't completely pull away from their deeper connection. After Kathleen loses her business,Joe attempts to pursue a friendship that could lead to more. While they do try to stay civil,the tension of their work related rivalry and what Joe knows brings their otherwise compatibility into the realm of pride vs. prejudice problems:





Now,Catwoman and Batman,particularly in Batman Returns,appear to be an ideal couple. They do share a lot of common interests-impersonating power animals,street fighting,tight outfits.

If only Catwoman decided to cross over to the good guy side,she and the caped crusader could live happily ever after in Gotham City,some would say. However,the very nature of a cat is independence and Selina wants what most people,male or female,want from their significant other;to be loved for who she is rather than who anyone else wants her to be:





Speaking of being loved for who you are,Holden and Alyssa from Chasing Amy have a major difference between them that does realistically holds them back from being lovers,namely Alyssa's preference for same sex partners.

They do decide to settle for being in the friend zone but after awhile,Holden is not satisfied with that and states his case for love to her.

Even when they do choose to give their love a go,Holden's emotional insecurities find a way to drive a wedge into more than one of his personal relationships. Despite the passion of his convictions,Holden is his own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart:



Love is a tricky thing,whatever realm of reality it's in,and no couple is truly perfect. However,when it comes to a fictional format,conflict between a romantic duo should have some kind of sensible rhythm to the frustration. They don't have to sing and dance in two part harmony about their situation but giving their audience credit for intelligence along with sentiment is an attractive quality to have:

The LRG Top Five musical concepts that would be better than Spiderman:Turn Off The Dark

Even tho the show is still not "officially" open,the reviews for Spiderman:Turn Off the Dark are in,folks.

How bad are they? Well,let's just say that the people who backed the likes of Gigli,Battlefield Earth and Sex & the City 2 would be sharing some schadenfreude cheers from reading these raking over the coals write-ups.

I'm not a big league Broadway baby but the guy from the NYT can say that the most exciting part of the show was the announcement of a technical delay,there's more than trouble right here in River City ,my friends.

With that in mind,we at LRG offer up our Top Five suggestions for a future Broadway musical that would easily outdone the overblown dramatics of Spiderman:TOTD and might actually be worth your hard earned dollars to plunk down for opening night:




THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL AUDITIONS

As many of you fondly recall,one of the bonus features on the Dr. Horrible DVD were selected videos of the winners of their ELE audition contest. Many of those clips were musical(not a requirement,by the way)and surely they could be gathered together to make a two hour show.

Perhaps,in an Edwin Drood like fashion,the audience could vote for their favorite via applause and choose a new member to induct every performance. That would be fun,especially if the original applicants were included in the cast:





THE RONNIE DOBBS SINGALONG STORY

The trials and tribulations of Ronnie Dobbs,a frequent guest star on the reality police show Fuzz,has been a main staple of Mr. Show's fanbase,most of whom would certainly love to see their less than golden boy singing his sad heart out on stage.

Granted,the movie version of Run,Ronnie,Run had it's share of troubles but possibly more creative freedoms would be allowed on Broadway,not to mention that Mandy Patinkin could certainly use the work these days:





AN ALL CHILDREN'S CAST PRODUCTION OF FIDDLER ON THE ROOF

That sounds really out of the box,but hey,it did work on Gilmore Girls and why not on Broadway? There are tons of talented young performers out there and this would keep most of them off of that creepy kiddie pageant circuit.

You might not be able to have it entirely cast with kids,since there are a few roles that require a really powerful actor for the part. Done right,however,and there won't be a dry eye in the house by the end curtain:





DRACULA'S PUPPET LAMENT

Fans of the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall have a thriving cult interest in seeing the sad sack leading man of this story(Jason Segel)fulfill his dream of putting on a musical version of Dracula with puppets.

What started out as a side note in a romantic comedy has slowly taken on a life of it's own. Segel has performed the show's theme song,"Dracula's Lament" out in public several times,including an appearance on the Late Late Show with Drac puppet in tow.

I have to tell you,folks;I've never seen this movie but if they did a show based on this bit,wild horses couldn't drag me away:





JOKE:THE MUSICAL

The gang on Mr. Show were far from shy when it came to breaking out in song,but out of the many silly song fests they delighted viewers with,the best one was Joke:The Musical.

Granted,turning a rather raunchy traveling saleman's story into a full fledged professional production may sound crazier than putting up the money for Springtime with Hitler but if Jack Black could be persuaded to reprise his roles,the fans will flock to the theater. It would be necessary to inform any potential newcomers that this is not one of Black's family friendly outings-this is strictly for the grown-ups:



The Spiderman legend will live on,despite this monster of a musical and the too soon to tell Hollywood reboot lurking in the cinematic shadows. Not all changes are for the worse,however,so maybe next time a fellow like Donald Glover wants the chance to at least audition for Spiderman,true believers will be more receptive to the notion and not reject it out of hand. The strength of the Marvel universe is in the diverse,that's all I'm saying:

Super Bowl Attack of the Ads 2011

Another Super Bowl has come and gone,with fans of the winning team in recovery from their victory partying,those who backed the other side making plans for next year and the rest of us debating about which of the commercials were our best or least favorite.

Since we'll be seeing these ads for quite some time,giving them a good once over may be the pop culture equivalent of Monday morning quarterbacking but,hey, why not? Advertising is a creative means of communication and what these folks have to say about their products says a lot about who they think they're selling to:

WE'RE TOO COOL FOR THE AD GAME SCHOOL!

A couple of ads tried to do the wink and nudge bit to the audience,in effect telling them "you guys know the score here,right? Why pretend that this is more than just a way to get you to buy our stuff!" Not a bad ploy but not altogether original either.

Bud Light did a Product Placement bit,mocking the practice to truly camp levels. It was fine yet that Wayne's World movie scene on this subject was way witter:



Plenty of celebrity endorsements this year but the best one in my opinion is Eminem's Lipton Brisk tea ad. Bringing back the claymation technique that they've used so well in the past,this actually suitable for broadcasting riff by Marshall Mathers on doing these deals fits his twisted sense of humor to perfection:





COMING SOME TIME SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU

The movie trailers were out in force,with the likes of Cowboys Vs. Aliens,The Transformers;Dark Side of the Moon(does Pink Floyd know about this?)and the latest Marvel Comics adaptation,Thor,taking their turns on the commercial catwalk.

Marvel has more than their hammer throwing man who fell to earth in the wings,however. A brief teaser for Captain America: The First Avenger,starring Chris Evans who is no stranger to this country having played the Human Torch in both Fantastic Four films,was shown. Evans is a good type to cast in the superhero mode but it's still too soon to tell if he can really pull this off:





Having no choice but to try and make this work is the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean movie with Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow on deck. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley avoided being shanghaied for this round,so it's just Jack with his best frenemy Barbarossa (Gregory Rush)and Penelope Cruz as a mystery woman who needs his help.

The subtitle of this chapter is On Stranger Tides and in some ways,it is pretty strange. A few of the plot points sound like something straight out of a literary mash-up to me-mermaids and zombies and Blackbeard,oh my!:



GOOD AD,BAD AD

Much like art,ads can be subjective to certain tastes. However,there are those that you can judge right off the bat as to quality and here are two personal picks on that score. In the plus column,we have a Coca Cola commercial entitled "Siege" that whips up a nifty epic battle animated sequence to showcase the soda.

This ad not only broadens their audience base,making Coke cool for fantasy/sci-fi folks,gamers,etc,it's also a lovely display of artwork and bonus points for the twist on the Trojan horse routine:



Teleflora offended a few people around this time last year with their nasty talking flower ads and while this Faith Hill love advice commercial isn't as bad,it is a bit of a stinker.

It's main flaw is in not doing much with Faith Hill here. She just sits in while her clueless tech guy sends his girlfriend a poorly worded Valentine's Day greeting with his flowers. What is the point of that? Any generic gal could have done the same thing,honestly. No special tie-in to her music or persona,not to mention the joke was weak at best. Another adfail for Teleflora,folks:



THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE

The big hit amongst the Super Bowl ads this year comes from Volkswagen,with a little help from a galaxy far,far away. The commercial follows a young Star Wars fan who spends all day in his Darth Vader outfit,trying desperately to summon the Force everywhere he goes.

Fortunately,his dad takes a bit of pop culture pity on the kid and gives him a Jedi thrill for his troubles. It's cute,funny and charming all at once. Nice going,gang. Star Trek people,the gauntlet has been thrown down-you need to get something out there that's just as good if you want to keep up with the Sith Lords here:



How well these and the other hyped up ads that ran on Super Bowl Sunday will help sales is too soon to tell. Yet,I do have some advice for Snickers;when attempting to recapture that lightning in a jar buzz Betty White gave you,Roseanne Barr is not the best bait to put out on that trap. She's naturally more sour than sweet to begin with,so the punchline isn't quite the same:

Welcome to the Super Bowl of Super Hero Battles!

With the Super Bowl being the big TV event this weekend,some of us are looking forward to making our own kind of fun. Nothing against the sports fans who rally around this mega media ballyhoo;after all,I treat Oscar Night in a similar fashion.

However, rooting for teams to win is something that also rivets and excites crowds at sci-fi,fantasy and comic book conventions as well. So,in the spirit of sportsmanship and pop culture delight,we at LRG present for your viewing pleasure our Super Bowl of Super Hero Battles.

The main factor in selecting these candidates is the amount of players on the field,either for good or evil. Even if the numbers are uneven on one side,it's still the more the merrier when it comes to serious superhero throwdowns:



SUPERMAN'S HOME FIELD DISADVANTAGE

Out of the many classic super powered fights,Superman taking on General Zod and his minions Ursa and Nod on the streets of Metropolis is one that everyone fondly remembers. For awhile,it does seem to be pointless since all of them are evenly matched in strength and powers.

Yet,slowly but surely Zod finds an emotional chink in the son of his jailer's armor. He sees that Superman cares about what happens to the innocent onlookers and is determined to protect them. That sets off a strategy that puts everyone in harm's way but not before Zod gets an all new meaning to the phrase "Have a Coke and a smile":





FANTASTIC FOUR AGAINST ONE

It's not easy to face off against one super powered being,let alone four of them but Doctor Doom manages to get the best of this tight knit crew at first. He wisely starts off with a solid divide and conquer which only spurs on Ben Grimm to turn himself back into The Thing to save his friends.

Eventually,they all take it to the streets and while Doom is confident about his chances at victory despite the overwhelming numbers,it's super smarts rather than super strength that wins the day for the good guys:





SISTERHOOD SHOWDOWN

On the second and sadly last season of Legend of the Seeker,the battles got even more intense as the fate of the world was truly in the balance. When the Seeker was separated from his friends,newer enemies,the Sisters of the Dark, cropped up to stand between them and triumph over the Keeper of the Underworld.

As Richard was trapped in a magical mind game that threatened to kill him,Kahlan and company were interrupted in their rescue as sinister Sister Nicci lead her crew of fearsome followers into battle with them.

While Sister Nicci managed to gain some major power points during the fray,her defeat came at the hands of a last minute entrant onto the field:





WICKED TONGUE WARRIOR

As part of the first line of defense in the original X Men movie,Toad took on the rest of the mutant team once Mystique distracted Wolverine off to the side. He proved to be a tricky combatant who managed to over power his enemies quite handily despite their highly advanced abilities.

Yet,even a tough as nails toady has his limits. Of course,one wonders which is worse,meeting your defeat at the hands of a previous defeated foe or having to hear said foe screw up a snarky one liner as she does so:





GO,FLASH,GO!

A true hero always uses his most trusted skills to achieve his goals,no matter how mundane that skill set may seem. As a New York Jets quarterback in the 1980 film version,Flash Gordon had nothing to fight off the foot soldiers of Ming the Merciless but his football experience.

It was a pretty good play,backed by a few sly jabs from the folks in Ming's court. Flash seemed to have a real shot at saving Dale( who was in prime cheerleader mode) for a moment there. Doctor Zarkov,unfortunately, is not the best guy to pass the ball to:



I hope everyone who tunes into the Super Bowl has the good time that they're hoping for. As for the rest of us,the best lesson to learn from the Super Bowl of Super Hero Battles is to not try them at home.

Things might be amazing during the heat of the moment but when all is said and done,you will probably wind up on the lam from the law. Taking out a guy with a trident sounds cool but there are consequences,people!:

TC All-Stars go Italian,Worst Cooks play ball and American Idol auditions in Austin

The return of Top Chef All-Stars this week came with some foodie flair as the Quickfire challenge was all about presentation.

The Fashion Show's Issac Mizrahi was the guest judge for this round and he seemed to fall in love with the black ice cream with mint that Richard whipped up. It didn't look that pretty to me but these things are subjective,folks.



The Elimination challenge tasked the chefs to prepare a traditional three course Italian dinner,to be served to the owners and staff of Rao's along with the judges and return special guest judge Lorraine Bracco. Everyone was split into teams of three and had one course to work on.

All of the ladies wound up with the first course which was the antipasti,while the boys had the pasta,aka primi,and then the meat or secundi amongst themselves. Since a few of the contenders here are of Italian descent(Fabio,Antonia and Mikey I),they felt the most pressure to put out great food for this round.



Fabio was in the secundi section,along with Angelo and Richard, and his chicken cacciatore was considered to be the best dish served in that course.

It was served with a side of polenta(which is more popular in Italian cooking than I realized) and the whole plate wowed everyone at the table. That landed Fabio in the winner's circle but he wasn't able to claim victory.



The rest of the Top Dish crew was the entire antipasti course,who got things off to a great start. Carla's minestrone soup with homemade focaccia bread was well liked but not loved. One of the Rao's gentlemen said it was nice but more like Wisconsin style than authentic Italian.



Tiffany earned a little more love with her polenta terrine with sausage and peppers. Polenta on any plate seemed to be a real crowd pleaser.

However, her dish was tasty but not quite all the way there for some of the diners at the table. It was good enough to get her high marks yet in the end,there was one who stood above the rest.



Antonia finally won the day,with a plate of steamed mussels that had fennel,white wine and garlic,plus a nice hunk of ciabatta bread to sop up the juices. Her simple yet satisfying opener was the perfect Italian family style offering that all assembled were looking for.

Unfortunately amongst her fellow chefs,Antonia's win was greeted with sour grapes. Both Mikey and Fabio whined about how uncomplicated her dish was(which is why it won,fellas!),not to mention that Mikey just stared at her open mouthed in the stew room for a while before congratulating Antonia,so not cool.

Also,Fabio had the nerve to bitch in an aside bit about Antonia's food being more French than Italian. Uh,Fabio,Judge Tom happens to be Italian and during the meal,he talked about how the mussels brought back memories of his grandfather digging them up and cooking them very much the way Antonia did,so yeah,shutting up right now would be good,okay?



As for Mikey,he had enough troubles with his rigatoni. Despite being told that using dry pasta would be fine,he made fresh which is trickier to cook correctly. The whole pasta course was a hot mess,putting everyone in a sad mood until the secundi cheered them up.



Sent home was Tre,for his vegetable risotto that had too much topping and a stiff texture to the rice. Tre explained that he was taught to make risotto this way but the main flavor of the dish is in it's creaminess,so it would seem. He took his loss well but I do wish he had stayed around a little longer.

Next week, Jimmy Fallon stops by and while there are plenty of laughs,the food frenzy continues to grow. Stay tuned and hungry!



For their Skill Drill this week, The Worst Cooks In America were given a recipe to follow on their own but the instructions were arranged out of order. Each team had to work together to figure out how to make all of the components right.

The teamwork was pretty good on both sides but major mistakes were made. Kat cut up the apples for the applesauce way too big for Chef Anne's team and it was surprising to see just many recruits on Robert Irvine's crew had no idea what veal was:





Chef Anne and Irvine then did a duo demo to help their recruits get ready for the Main Dish challenge. They had to make appetizers for a "Game Day" party to be hosted by NY Jets defensive tackle Kris Jenkins.

The first set of apps would be potato pancakes with original toppings made by each person and then later they were given special recipes to make as a second offering. It was a good challenge,especially since those mini pancakes were much harder than they looked to pull off:





American Idol headed to Austin and the show started off with a so-called "apology" for Steven Tyler's slip of a certain F word last week. That didn't seem to be more than a cheek in tongue attempt to keep interest in his wacky antics alive and the ratings up,in my opinion. That's fine with me,Steven Tyler is certainly giving Paula Abdul a run for her money in the crazy Idol judge department.

Meanwhile,it was difficult to find a truly bad singer this round. There were a handful of oddball contenders that included a chicken clucking gal with a major Seacrest crush(she had a good singing voice,alas)and one person who showed up in an armadillo outfit. The best of the worst to be heard,however,was Rodolfo Ochoa who blew the roof off in a very bad way:



RANDOM NOTES:

JOAN & MELISSA-JOAN KNOWS BEST?: Yes,I shamefully confess to having watched the first two episodes of this shamelessly over the top mother/daughter act(in replays,at least-give me some credit there!).

As much as I know that most of these showbiz shenanigans are somewhat staged for the camera,there is some of Joan's actual bias and annoying actions slipping in there. Melissa may love her mother but it's only a matter of time before she starts threatening Joan with "Shady Pines,Ma!":