Bad movie songs say so much...

With the Oscars close on our heels,interest in the few remaining movie related awards have been peaked especially in the Golden Raspberry Awards. However,a few people are disappointed that the Razzies didn't include a much loved category, Worst Original Song.

That dubious honor was last given out in 2002,to Britney Spears' attempt at a girl power anthem,"I'm Not a Girl,Not Yet a Woman" from her equally awful film Crossroads. Granted,listening to bad music is a difficult task but it would be fun to see the Razzies pick up this pop culture gauntlet once again. As a bit of encouragement,let's look at some of the past winners that have horrified music and film fans alike:



IT DOES BLOW,THAT'S FOR SURE

One of the early honorees in the 1980s was this peppy little ditty called "Pumpin' and Blowin'" from The Pirate Movie,which had Kristy McNichol singing while she worked on keeping co-star Christopher Atkins breathing in his underwater search for treasure.

Backed up by crudely drawn cartoon fish,Kristy managed to warble out this tune while keeping Atkins from drowning for the most part. Strangest part out of this whole routine is that Atkins is clad in only a diving helmet and a diaper like loincloth-I know he was a heartthrob back then but this look was truly all wet in the wrong sense of the word:





THERE'S NOT ENOUGH BEER IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THIS SOUND GOOD

The Sly Stallone/Dolly Parton musical comedy Rhinestone was a double nominee in the Worst Song category for the Razzies in 1984 but "Drinkenstein" was the one that took the award home.

While Stallone's rendition of this ode to the evils of drink was a mercifully brief scene in the film,poor Dolly Parton had the burden of performing this song in it's entirity live on the talk show circuit to promote the movie. Even with the voice of a true singer,this song can't help but stink up the place(I bet Budwiser was less than thrilled with the product placement here):





NO EAR FOR MUSIC IN THIS FAMILY

Interestingly enough,both of the big screen Addams Family movies have been winners in this particular category. Also,both songs are rap numbers which were clearly chosen by clueless studio execs looking to "hip up" the movie's appeal to younger audiences.

Between the Addams Family Values "Addams Family Whoop!" by Tag Team and M.C. Hammer's "Addams Family Groove",I thought it best to pick Hammer for showcasing here. It's the silliest of the two,in my opinion,with Mr.Too Legit to Quit not only goofing around in a cheesy graveyard set but having the actual actors from the film to join him here,proving what good sports they were willing to be in the name of movie promotion:





MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER,THE MUSICAL?

Not even cartoon flicks were safe from Razzie song scorn back in the day. 1994's Thumbelina was already a family friendly flop before it won for "Marry the Mole". It was the first animated film to receive a Razzie and so far,despite a pair of nominations for Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights,Thumbelina still holds that sad cinematic distinction.

Carol Channing did the vocals for Mrs. Mouse,who uses her musical charms to persuade the tiny sized heroine of the piece to take a husband strictly based on finance rather than romance. Putting the whole inter-species hook-up question aside for the moment,this is a really cynical song for a kid's movie. Maybe if you were intent on raising a gold digger,this is the lullaby to croon:



Well,there is always next year,folks. Too bad that the Razzies decided to sit out the bad song fest this time around yet maybe they could re-introduce it with a new twist. Instead of Worst Original Song,how about Worst Version of a Hit Song on Film? Sorry,Liza,but if that were the case,you'd be cleaning up at the Golden Raspberries for sure: